Everyone says?

Question

Move on and forget the past but how, how do you forget that the only men in your live have been violent, hit you and scared you, threatened to kill you, put knifes to your throat, how do you forget that your mum abonaded you, that you reall dad takes drugs and is a wanderer. How do you forget that have been raped (in the sense that you didn't consent and you was on drugs so not in control) how do you forget the past, i struggle to understand that let alone try and do it. -x-

Answer 1

moving on doesnt mean forgetting. you have to deal with all those issues. there is a lot on your plate and any person would have a hard time working all that out on their own. so get someone to help you work through all of it.
no, not another man. your past abuse has hard-wired you to seek out men who will victimize you. and that pattern of behavior will continue until you get professional help. ie, therapy. its not a bad thing. she (i think a female professional would be best for you) is simply a well trained person who has the tools that you are lacking, to help you work through all the trauma that is effecting your decision making. its not easy, but its necessary if you want to live a happier life.
dont focus on forgeting, deal with it and learn how not to let these horrible things that other people did to you rule your life anymore.
and remember, it absolutely was not your fault that you were victimized, but you will continue to be a victim until you do something to stop it.
be strong!

Answer 2

Yes, you have been through alot and I can't imagine how hard it has been on you. At the same time, you deserve to live a full life without your past destroying every minute of every day. There are a couple of things I would recommend that you try. First, try to find a counselor to talk to. It would do you a world of good to have a person outside of your situation to talk to about all of the things you have been through. Sometimes our friends or family are too close to the situation so an outside party will listen to you and talk to you in a totally non judgemental way that will help you get some of those deep feelings out. Second, there are lots of support groups on the net where you can go and be anonymous if you want to but be able to talk to other rape survivors or survivors of domestic abuse. Believe me, talking to other people who have had similar experiences really helps you to feel like you are not alone & gives you others to talk to who can relate to your situation. And third, notice I've called you a survivor several times...that's what you are...not a victim anymore but a survivor. Be proud of what you've come through in your life and use the pain from the past & turn it into strength for your future. And most important of all, pray. Ask for strength to start yourself a new life looking toward the future & the courage & strength to deal with your past so you can move forward. Bless You and good luck to you!

Answer 3

It is not so much 'forget the past' but FORGIVE the past. The brain is set up to use 99% of its powers to monitor the present and the present only. So if one is dwelling on the past, you are missing what is going on in the present. Scientifically your brain is sending lots of signals about the present and dwelling on the past causes those to be ignored.

Not trying to make light of your situation, but everyone has or will have a rotten set of circumstances to overcome. That is, I believe is the 'Universe's Little Gift' to humans. Even this makes a bit of sense scientifically, it is called evolution, no creature would seek to improve or evolve if things were perfect.

Next order of business, those who have wronged you. If you can forgive them, that is best. If not, at least let go of the active hurt, those people will get theirs in the end. Call it karma, I don't believe it, I can point to some science that explains that but won't bore you. Just understand the energy they used with you, good or bad, will come back to them in the same way.

Counseling never hurts either. I also recommend pampering yourself. Could be something as simple as a soak in the tub, when the 'blues' come on.

Just remember you cannot make penitence for the past by rehashing it over and over again. Actively work on training your mind to think of something else or nothing at all.

Answer 4

Life is full of tough situations that we need to solve in the best way we can.
First of all you are a good person and I would leave behind all the sorrow and all the people that have not held your hand during these years of your life. Show that you are strong and you will have from now on a beautiful life. I suggest that you leave immediately the enviroment that has held you as a prisoner and you deserve to smile again.
If you do not have respect for yourself you will never find a good man. Remember people respect you if you have respect for yourself !!!!! I know that you want to start a new life and this new life will come to you if you truly break with the past (that means you will not have anymore contact with any of these people)
The past is past and it will at times haunt you but you will be stronger and you will show life that you are the winner and will never let anyone treat you not as a human being. Stop and get professional help and please don't use any drugs!!! The people that sell them are not your friends but they are there to get your money and soul. I was a young girl during the seventies and believe me I use to see these teenager swith drugs faint in the park where I use to play. I have never thought of even trying !!!!
I want to stay as young and healthy as long as possible and you need to do the same. I hope that my words will give you the courage to start!!! We all have weakness and we all need love from others. I am sure that if you seek for help in one of these groups that know how to handle the situation that you are in, you will be able to see the light that has been for so long distant from you. I wish you to find the real meaning of life with courage and love !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

You will not forget and moving on is very hard. You should seek help and get yourself some counseling, so you are able to move on, because nobody should live like that.

First of all, I'm very sorry for you. People just don't know how to live in peace anymore, we all feel the need to destroy each other and that is just a sad thing.
You became a victim of that and you have to figure out a way to move on and some counseling could help you move on maybe. You will not forget, but maybe you can just give it a place in your life, that you have overcome and slowly move on.

Right now it might feel like this feeling will never go away, but in time, with the right help, you will be able to live a normal life and that feeling will go away, maybe not completely, but it will make you able to move on.
You can look back at your past and say, 'I will overcome this, I will be stronger.' Most people are not capable to do so, they destroy themselves and everybody around them, you will not do that, you will find the right help and look back and say that you did all that..........

Good luck with this.

Answer 6

You cannot forget the past. I think what these people are trying to tell you is to accept the past, and move on.

You have obviously had a hard life. You sound very young. Here is what I did.

I took control of my own life. This is how I did it. I allowed myself to feel angry and hurt. I had a right to those feelings, and no one had the right to say otherwise.

I thought of each person who had hurt or abused me, and one by one I allowed myself to feel the pain they caused me. Then, and this is the hard part. I forgave them.

Sounds impossible, its not. It frees you. Forgiveness is the key to getting over these horrifying events in your life. Forgiving isn't something you do for other people, its something you do for yourself.

These people have hurt you horribly. By allowing yourself to dwell in the past, you are staying in the place where you had no power to stop them. If you stay in that place, they will always have control over your life, even if they aren't around anymore. Even if they're dead.

If you want to get past this, you must deal with it. You need a good counselor or psychiatrist to help you work through all of these things.

Anyone who says that you should simply move on, doesn't understand how much pain you're in.

Please get professional help. There is a way out of this dark place, you have to care enough about yourself and your future to do something about it. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

You can move on, but do not forget what you have gone through...ever. This might not make sense right at this minute, but everything you went through will make you a stronger person. I went through some of things you have, and it took me awhile to move on past it all, but I never forgot.
You might want to talk to a counselor, they will help you put things to rest, and get on with living the rest of your life...there is a great big world out there just waiting for you to grab on.
Good luck to you!

Answer 8

You don't forget your past. You find someone that you can talk to and then you have them help you to deal with the issues that you have about the past. You then can learn from the past and have a more positive future because you want to change the pattern that has been started.

Answer 9

You can't and won't forget. But you do have the choice of whether or not to let it beat you down further. We aren't responsible for bad things other people do to us when we're vulnerable....whether its because we're children, hurt, confused, or just naive. You have to learn to recognize patterns in yourself that might make you prone to choosing these types of people to be around, and you have to learn to recognize the signs of danger in other people before you get close to them. Its not an easy thing to do, because people will often only let you see what they want you to see initially.

Forgetting, or pretending these things never happened, only makes it more possible for history to repeat itself. You must believe that you're worth more than what you've lived through, learn from what's happened, and make the decision to redirect your life. Counseling can help you if you let it, but until your ready to make changes and take control of your life, nothing will improve. Good luck.

Answer 10

You can not do it alone. Let God do the work in you that only he can do. I know I went through the exact same thing and now I am in a Great marriage with a wonderful man that Loves me very much. I no longer have to worry about all the violence. It was only through the Grace of God that I am where I am today.