I love him.But he has a young (6 y.o.) son (his mother died)and I'm worried that if I marry and go with him far away to live I'll become just a baby-sitter for his son.How should I act with his child?
2006-12-03 23:11:34 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
It all depends on how long you have known the father, known the son...if you do love this man and you are planning on being with him...marrying him, than start out slow with the son. Make sure he knows that your not taking his father's love away from him and your not trying to replace his mother. Try starting out like perhaps his an extended family member that maybe you haven't seen in a long time. (corny, I know). But also let this man you love knowthat your there because you want to be with him and perhaps start a family. That yes you'll "babysit" but you don't want to be taken advantage of just because your with him. That your with him because you want to be. Because you love him. And his son is just an extention of him...a bonus. :)
2006-12-04 00:56:50 · answer #1 · answered by ~SaSSy~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This depends...
Do you love him? How well do you get along with his son? Do you have friends and family who you will miss if you live far away?
You haven't mentioned how far it is he is taking you. If you are considering emigrating- especially to a country where only one of you knows the language- you are likely to feel isolated, or feel regret.
Just the fact that you suspect that you may become a babysitter for his son suggests that your subsconscious is telling you to be wary of this man. Not a good sign for a relationship or marriage- and definitely an omen as you will be giving up a lot to live with him elsewhere. He may be perfectly innocent, but if you're experiencing distrust now, imagine how much more distrust you will have living in the middle of nowhere away from family and friends to confide in.
I would hold fire. If he loves you, he will respect your decision and understand your uncertainty. It's a big step- and only one that should be taken if you are absolutely sure of eachothers intentions.
Maybe it's worth allowing him to make the move, and start by travelling to see him once a month (or how often you can make the journey) to see what it is you will getting yourself into.
2006-12-03 23:30:09 · answer #2 · answered by midsojo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should probably get to know them a little better before you decide on marriage. If something happens and you are far away, can you get to safety?
If you aren't sure how he's going to treat you, then you need to find out more about this family. You would be marrying the father and the son. Make sure that is what you want to do because if you split up, this boy will have lost his mother and then his step-mother. It may effect him more than you or the father could imagine.
2006-12-03 23:26:42 · answer #3 · answered by TrixyLoo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello! You love him! Love can go just so far and how far are you able to go. I say NO because you already have said no by you question. You don't want to move away from your family and friends. That's what asking this question is telling you.
You mention about being a baby sitter. Are you used as a baby sitter now! How do you relate to his son.Just because you love his father doesn't mean you have to love his son. You should treat his son as though you love him. I don't mean that you have to lie about your feelings. Just treat the boy like a 6 year old boy. In time I bet you will grow to love him.
Now go and tell him what is in your heart. Because he's the one you should be talking to. Have a happy life!
2006-12-03 23:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love him, you have to be fair to him, right?
It's not right to come into his son's life and then bail later. You have to be SURE that you're marrying this guy and it's lasting forever.
As far as how to act with this child, for now be his friend more than his mom. That's how you should act until you and his dad are married if that's what you decide to do.
After you're married you can start being a stepmom and really caring for him. You might not love the kid right away, because he's not yours, but if you act like you love him you will start to really feel it eventually. And he will grow up loving you, too.
If you really love this man, though, you should trust him. Ask if he's really just looking for a babysitter, even though I think you already know the answer. If you can't trust his answer then you don't love him enough to marry him.
2006-12-03 23:35:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this man? It sounds like you have some serious doubts, if you have doubts you might not want to marry him. If you love this man, you'll have to try to be a mom to his son. This child lost his mother and if you marry his dead, you'll be the only female influence that this child has. I'd pray really hard about this decision.
2006-12-03 23:25:12 · answer #6 · answered by Marenight 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you should act like you would with any child. if he still backs away then ask his dad what he likes to do. then ask the child if wants to do what his dad said he liked. remember he probably just as nervous as you are.
merry Christmas and good luck
2006-12-03 23:41:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what is said about a gut feeling.it is up to to whether or not you listen.there has been times when i didn,t and wound up in a whole heap of mess to try to clean up by myself.beware my friend.
2006-12-04 00:06:45 · answer #8 · answered by honeypot0214 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want to get to understand the new child and father extra efficient before you may start thinking marriage. before you get married you want to communicate about this stuff. no you may inform you a thanks to act with the new child. you want to make certain for your self.
2016-11-23 15:55:31 · answer #9 · answered by kinzer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you truly love this man than you will accept his son and learn to love him just like you do this man.
2006-12-03 23:14:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋