We going to have contest until the next Monday
the rule:
please keep it polite
2006-12-03 22:24:59 · 9 answers · asked by hani h 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
While in Texas on buisness I went down to the resteraunt for dinner and ordered a T-Bone steak. When it arrived it was hanging off the edges of the plate and was 2" thick. I asked the waitress about the size and she just said everything is big in Texas. After I tried to eat my huge steak I wandered into the Bar and ordered a Bourbon and Water and the Bartender brought it to me in a glass as big as a mop bucket. When I asked him if he was trying to get me drunk he said no, everything is big in Texas. After drinking way to much of the collasol drink I headed back to my room, but instead of turning left I turned right, opened the door and fell into the swimming pool. I instantly started yelling from the top of my lungs, FOR GOD"S SAKE DON"T FLUSH IT, DON"T FLUSH IT.
2006-12-03 23:15:28 · answer #1 · answered by coco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An old guy walks into a bar and asks for a bottle of forty-year old Scotch. The bartender, not wanting to give up the good liquor, pours a shot of ten-year Scotch and figures that the guy won't be able to tell the difference. The guy downs the Scotch and says: "This Scotch is only ten years old! I specifically asked for forty-year old Scotch."
Amazed, the bartender reaches into a locked cabinet underneath the bar and pulls out a bottle of twenty-year old Scotch and pours the man a shot. The guy drinks it down and says, "That was twenty-year old Scotch. I asked for forty-year old Scotch."
So the bartender goes into the back room and brings out a bottle of thirty-year old Scotch and pours the guy a drink. By now a small crowd has gathered around the man and is watching anxiously as he downs the latest drink. Once again the guy states the true age of the Scotch and repeats his original request for forty-year old Scotch.
The bartender can hold off no longer and disappears into the cellar to get a bottle of prime forty-year old Scotch. Soon, the bartender returns with the bottle and pours a shot. The guy downs the Scotch and says, "Now this is forty-year old Scotch!" The crowd applauds his discriminating palate.
An old drunk who had been watching the proceedings with interest, raises a full shot glass of his own and says, "Here, take a swig of this."
The guy takes the glass and downs the drink in one swallow. Immediately, he chokes and spits out the liquid on the barroom floor. "My God! That tastes like piss," he yells.
"Great guess," says the drunk. "Now, how old am I?"
2006-12-04 06:35:54 · answer #2 · answered by Mary 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The Helpful Wife
A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:
Man: What's the problem officer?
Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.
Man: No sir, I was going 65.
Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.
Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!
Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks.
(Man gives his wife a dirty look.)
Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.
Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.
Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.
Man: Shut your mouth, woman!
Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?
Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
2006-12-04 06:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by Viren 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
none of the funniest jokes I've heard are polite
2006-12-04 06:27:04 · answer #4 · answered by jesuspimper 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We all know that a computer mouse is a male caz it has a ball. But actually its a female as it uses a pad.
2006-12-04 06:29:21 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Luck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pete Rose, without a doubt.
2006-12-04 06:26:24 · answer #6 · answered by Minmi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
use my blonde joke in the contest
2006-12-04 06:26:06 · answer #7 · answered by clomtancy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that counts me out
2006-12-04 06:29:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OJ Simpson :-)
2006-12-04 06:27:02 · answer #9 · answered by tumbleweed1954 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋