Reassurance, please?

Question

Hi

I just want some reasssurance please.

My husband and I have decided that next year we want to start a family, of which I'm really excited about.

However, when we started out dating (about 7 years ago), I fell pregnant and had an abortion. It was the most painful experience of my life, not just physically but emotionally as well.

The lady who performed it did it in such a way as to make me feel that I deserved to be punished. I wasn't given any pain medication and on the table I almost passed out from the pain. When it was over I asked her if it was finished to which she replied Yes, Take a look. And she showed my what she had sucked out.

I am not looking for anyone to judge me and I am not scared of becoming pregnant again. I am scared of the actual birth, of being in a room again with strange people working "down there".

Has anyone else been through this before who can give me some advice on how to deal with my fears?

Answer 1

I had an abortion when I was younger and I have also given birth, twice. Having a baby is a lot more painful. My first child I had natural and decided with my second that I was not going to go through that again so I had an epidural*. One of the miraculous things about child birth is that as painful as it is, you forget the pain the moment you look upon the most beautiful thing you have ever seen in your life. With my second child, the pain I had felt like a cramp in my butt cheek.

As for the abortion, I know what you feel and all I can say is leave it in the past. You have enough regret and I know you have never forgotten, you never will. Just leave it there, and look to the future is all you can do. I regret it too especially after experiencing what it is like to have a baby. It is the most wonderful experience I have ever had and I thank God everyday for my children that I feel I don't deserve because of that one day all those years ago. Best of luck. Pregnancy is the most amazing and terrifying experience of a woman's life, you can do it, I promise.

Answer 2

I'm with the first poster. You definitely should get yourself checked out as I don't feel from your description that it was quite by the book so to speak. Also don't worry about it, I know that sounds so annoying to be told that but when the time comes you know what to do. I was so scared about everything, because I'm a high strung person and I have a terrible fear of needles, doctors, hospitals it all but when I went into labor I did what I had to do and everything went fine. Find yourself a good midwife/obgyn who you feel safe with and can trust. My midwife, who actually delivered my daughter, was this wonderful older woman who knew when to hold your hand and when to just give you a mental kick in the bum. And I also think you should see a counselor about the abortion...it's a scarring emotional experience to go through for anyone and it's absolutely normal if you need to talk it over with someone. I wish you the best of luck with your family!

Answer 3

What you went through really does sound painful and I'm sorry for your experience...we all make our own decisions and should not be judged.

As for getting pregnant next year i hope it all works out and i really wouldn't worry. Throughout the nine months you'll get to know your doctor and possibly the midwife and build up a trust. Having a baby can be quite pain-full also but what you get at the end is a joy. If it really does bother you still, when you meet your doctor tell him your fears and your past experience and i am sure he/she will cal your fears.

Answer 4

I'd be getting a professional to examine your insides to make sure that witch hasn't done any permanent damage first.

As for your actual delivery when it happens you should be fine. You'll be in hospital with supportive ,caring professionals as well as your partner. You'll be able to have pain medication if you want and remember a birth is a happy time,so it will be a completely different experience to an abortion,

Good luck and remember you aren't the first women or the last women to have had an abortion,see a counsellor if its really bothering you.

Answer 5

Well I haven't done the abortion part but I was very scared of giving birth in front of my husband and all the other strangers in the room. My OB was male, which I was always against. By the time it came to pushing, I was so involved in that, that I didn't mind my mother-in-law, mom, hubby, OB and 3 nurses in the room seeing it all. I was just hell bent on pushing him out and being done and getting some rest. I was always told that in the moment you don't even think about those things, and I thought everyone was wrong but they weren't. I did it and have no regrets or humiliation.

Answer 6

ahhhhh hunni, bless you. no one should ever be put throught that.
ive never myself been through that, but i can assure you that havng a baby is a wonderful thing and i think your mind would be on that too much to notice when a midwife is down there. they are all very reassuring especially for your first. most of the time in labour, you and your partner will be left to enjoy it. examinations during labour dont last no more than a couple of minutes either, and when you are actually giving birth, you do all of it sweetie, they may assist if you are struggling, but there arent a lot of times they are down there anyway hunni.xxx

Answer 7

I would recomend getting checked out. AS WELL check with your family doctor if he could recoment a therapist Abortion friendly who you could talk this out with.

I think if you could talk it out with someone. ANYONE who can resure you things will be ok. WORK thru your fears of strangers around yo. MIGHT help