I'm a new mom, should I feel guilty for wanting a night out?

Question

I got pregnant pretty young, I'm only 19 but I understand the responsibilites of being a parent. I know lots of young ladies my age that after giving birth to thier babies they didnt take responsibility for thier kids. They automatically went back to partying and clubblin. I dont want to do that, I love spending as much time as possible with my daughter and I know its the right thing to do. But I kind of just want a night out with my fiance' to go on a date or just do something fun. I feel like if I go out people will judge me and think of me like I'm every other stupid teen mom that doesnt take good care of thier kids! I want a night out but I just feel like I'll be judged and end up feeling really guilty!

Answer 1

Whether you are a 19 or 59 y.o. mother, you need time to yourself. In no way is this a reflection on your parenting skills. In fact, this "quality time" with your fiance will enable you to be a better parent because you will be more relaxed. Also, stop the worrying about what others think. I doubt most strangers know you are a 19 y.o. mother, and even if they do, there is nothing wrong with being a young parent. Don't judge yourself. The fact that you are considering all of this is an indication that you are in fact a GREAT mother. As you mentioned, many parents continue to trawl and party after becoming parents (paging Britney Spears).
I would also discuss all this with your fiance. You should let him know that sometimes you'll need his help, too.
Finally, I would strongly suggest you do yoga. Anyone can do it, and all you need is yoga mat ($10 at Walmart). While the little one is napping, you can have a little quality time with yourself and get healthier at the same time. You'll feel infinitely better.
Good luck and congratulations!
Namaste,

Answer 2

Oh, you sound just like I did 30 years ago, but I hope you won't make the same mistake. I thought that it was improper for a young mom to go out anywhere more exciting than the grocery store, and I found after the first two years that I was turning into a very anxious and depressed person. Then I got a part time job on weekends and found to my amazement that when I came home after work, I wanted to play with my son and be with him more than ever! I think it's just getting out around other adults for awhile that makes the difference. And you and your fiance are still a couple, you are allowed to do couple things! I didn't do this, and by the time my son was off to college, there was nothing really holding our marriage together anymore. So I say, don't go wild, make sure your child is well taken care of, and have a night out once in a while. You will see your child in a much different light if you can be your own person once in a while. You sound like a good mom ... don't worry, I was only 19 too, but my son's in college now and a good kid. An occasional night out will not harm your child and should put a little extra kick into your love for your child. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hey!! I also had my daughter quite young and felt guilty that I still wanted to spend time with my friends and husband away from my daughter. But my friends and sisters were very supportive and would come over and surprise me by coming over and offering to watch my daughter so me and the hubby could go out! I think that is what kept me and my husband so happy and close!! i've seen it so many times when couples dont spend enough time together. After a new baby, the guy feels like the baby gets all the attention and he is not a priority at all. Give your man time too, he is also overwhelmed by the new child and deserves attention aswell. Sooo, DEFINATELY do NOT feel guilty for wanting a break, being a mom is very tough and all us moms need a break once in a while!!

Answer 4

You just spent 9 months carrying your child. I'm sure that you understand that the baby needs you, but what good are you to your baby if you don't get some rest and relaxation time for mom? No matter what anyone else thinks, you deserve a break now and then to rejuvenate yourself for parenting and being a responsible adult. You do not need to feel guilty as long as you're taking good care of your baby. Go out and have fun at leas 1 time each week and you'll be better for it.

Answer 5

I had my first child at 19 as well. Its a lot to take in...being an adult before you are an adult. Make sure someone you trust is watching your child. Go out. Have responsible fun. And come home by midnight. You need to get some sleep so you can wake up with a smile to your baby the next morning. Try setting up something to do for yourself once a month. It will give you something to look forward to and you'll be able to focus on what is ireally important the rest of the time. You don't even have to go out at night....take a Saturday afternoon and go to the salon or a picnic...just something for you.

Answer 6

Sweetie!If anything,a night out is good for you:)
I'm a mum of a 10 month old and my fiance and i always try and have a baby free night once a month (if we're lucky lol) and i also make some time just to hang out with my girlfriends.It's important for you to have some baby free time,you work hard as a mum,you deserve ityou need it.
I spent the first few months paranoid about people judging me,but,everyone's always going to have an opinion whether you like it or not just do what you think is right and don't worry about what anyone else thinks:)
Now start making plans for that night out!!

Answer 7

No, that doesn't make you a bad parent. I completely agree with you on the constant partying thing...

Every mom and dad alike need time away now and then. Even if it's just for a couple of hours. Everybody needs a little "me" time. Nobody can expect you to be with your child every second of every day. Nobody would think less of you if you were working and someone was watching your child while you were on the job, would they? You sound like a perfectly great mom, so on that note, go treat yourself for a night out! Have a little fun, go home and play with your baby!

Answer 8

Sounds to me that you are a very intelligent,loving and reponsible young mom! I give you props! I was a mom at age 20. I'm now 31 and now have 5 kids (all by my husband) and I gotta say I do wish we would have went out more in our twenties! So dont feel bad! Go have a good time! You deserve it, and it only makes you a better mom when you take some time out for yourself. And as far as any one judging you, just remember "No one but God can jude you! "

Answer 9

Taking care of yourself is also a big part of being a parent. Going out once in awhile is good for you and your baby. The fact that you are worried about it shows you are a good mom. The kind that just goes out and doesn't care about their kids wouldn't ask the question. It's important for you and your fiance to spend time together as well. What about every other week you two get together and go out? Remember your child also needs parents who are happy and have a strong relationship and that means you need to nuture yourselves and your love as well!

Answer 10

Absolutely not, you are entitled to a night out and to do something for yourself.

You will be a better mum for taking care of yourself, you will have more to take back to your baby after a night out with something else to do other than think about babies, bums and nappies.

Try going to a mum and baby playgroup, then you get to do something with your daughter and get to meet other mums too. People forget that full time parenting is often a lonely job.

It sounds like you are being a good and loving mum. Don't worry about what other people think about you, only you know what is best for your daughter.