Growing up in a very religious family, I've heard all the sermons about affairs, and how they are a sin against God and a failure of your promise to your spouse.
My marriage is really struggling, probably a couple of years now. We've tried to keep it together, and I've managed to stay faithful, but God knows how hard it's been.
Each day, the sting of lonliness is like daggers in the heart. With each passing day, I find it harder and harder to stay faithful. I miss the affectionate touch of a woman.
Maybe I just needed a place to vent, but I find it so frustrating that religion is inhibiting my passion.
Something is going to break, just not sure if it's going to be my faith(ie have an affair) or my marriage.
2006-12-03 16:53:27 · 17 answers · asked by jeopardy 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
An affair solves nothing and makes things worse
2006-12-03 16:56:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, if you are having trouble, then so is your wife. The same thing is probably going through her mind. How she deals with it is another story.
Get some counseling. Not the stuff that says to pray to Jesus for a better relationship. That type just causes you to ignore your problems and hope that they go away on their own. They won't. You have to work at it. Laborare est orare. To work is to pray. The counseling that actually has the two of you work out your problems in a good framework free from external expectations is what you need. A real marriage counselor. And don't expect the process to be easy, fun, or short term. It takes a lot to make a marriage work. Each side has to give all they have to make it happen. If she isn't willing, or you aren't willing, then you as a couple aren't ready to make it happen.
If that doesn't work then consider ending the marriage. What God has joined should not be put asunder, but you and she joined together on your own. While we try to follow God's will, sometimes we goof up a bit. It is human to err. It must somehow be better to recognize the error and correct it.
And lastly, since you mentioned faith, recognize that there are several kinds of faith. You obviously have a faith in God, but what about a faith in your wife and a faith in your marriage? How about your faith in yourself. Loose any of these, and it is over with.
Find out her level of commitment to the marriage. You do not have to love her to have a great marriage. She does not have to love you to have a great marriage. You have to know how to work things out, to deal with one another, and to hold each other iwth the highest regard at all times, even in the middle of an argument. If the both of you are committed, then little can stand in your way.
Good luck.
2006-12-03 17:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by drslowpoke 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please hear what I am saying. Do everything you have to do to get your spouse to listen to your sadness about your marriage! Don't have the affair,please,its not going to help your marriage or be greener on the other side. You will just spiral out of control if you being this affair. Lies and secrets will pile on top of each other until you won't be able to handle living two different lives.Take yourself and the spouse on a weekend trip,get a babysitter if you need one. Remember back what attracted you to your spouse and they made you feel and the good times you have had. May your wife feels the same why and is also unable to talk with you about it. Take her to dinner,get a cozy corner table ,hold her hand and tell her what your feeling and what has been going through your mind to make her understand that you need affection and so on. She is and has been your best friend and stood by your side in this marriage,don't toss her away with at least trying to work out the problem you think your are having. If you have a beef with her,be honest and tell her,let her explain how she feels also. Start out by telling her that you need to have this talk and it might upset her but you need to be heard. I bid you good luck and hope it works out
2006-12-06 18:33:56 · answer #3 · answered by K. l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - you are pretty awesome to be so honest and transparent - and well-spoken.
You know that you cannot have an affair - so don't entertain it even if your needs are not being met.
You can do a few things: have you told your wife how your heart is lonely and missing affection just like you did here? Do you romance her? When is the last time you went out to a romantic dinner or surprised her with a gift or something that shows thought? (Flowers?)
Ask her how you are doing as a husband and listen! She most likely will tell you and there is your prescription.
Be patient - offer it all to God - tell him you are following him and honor him - and watch what happens. If it doesn't get better be willing to go to counseling - that can be powerful too. But do not ever divorce or do anything that would be grounds for divorce- you don't want anything to do with that.
You are awesome. I have been there and I hated it. It can get better.
God bless and you are in my prayers.
2006-12-03 17:08:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry your struggling. But that is why a vow is a vow. It is not something that changes with our emotions. It is not anulled by difficulties in marriage. Outside of death, dissertion or adultry seeking romantic relationships outside of marraige is wrong. And even then, why seek them when you are still married. In cases of adultry, dissertion...divorce is a justifiable.
When all else fails, our expectations, sometimes our dreams and hopes...what is left is the vow. It keeps marraiges together and with good cause. So many people give up too easily. So many opportunities for personal growth and closeness in marraige is lost when you give in to an adultrous affair. Not to mention a feeling of failure and shame to having given in to such primative drives. There is so much more to life and marraige than to throw it all away on lust. Such base needs are to be met in the marraige. If your wife is no responding to you in the way you would wish, I would seek christian counseling and pray. Have an honest sit down discussion with her and find out why she is not responding to you. As a husband and the leader of your household I would think it is your responsibility to do everything you can to at least try everything you could withen the boundaries of the marraige to work out your differences.
2006-12-03 17:08:21 · answer #5 · answered by sheepinarowboat 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't have an affair. That would make things more complicated. God does hate divorce because of the pain it can cause, but since you tried to keep it together and its causing you nothing but grief, then maybe its time to just let go of your marriage. God doesn't want you to sin because your struggling in your marriage. He wants whats best for you.
2006-12-03 16:59:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to your spouse, if you cannot resolve your problems then you need to get a divorce. Having an affair won't solve anything and everyone will get hurt. If you do not love each other anymore, why stay together? If you think divorce is a sin, how bad do you think an affair will be?
2006-12-03 16:58:37 · answer #7 · answered by Arianrod 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like some passive aggression going on in your marriage, I hope you manage to get through it together but if you can't maybe you should have a trial separation, don't just walk out but talk it through together. If you have an affair it may be impossible to repair the damage you do to your relationship and the trust lost may never be recovered.
2006-12-03 16:59:20 · answer #8 · answered by CHEESUS GROYST 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound as though you are holding on to a religious tradition, rather than a living belief system. You need to find yourself, and your true center to establish values based on what is important to you, not the values of others. Your loneliness is beyond physical, it is a loneliness of spirit, and you maybe seeking your own validation in an affair. First, look into yourself to discover who you are. An affair in this situation will not serve you, your wife, or your lover. The passion you seek in the arms of another will quickly fade, if you have not looked directly into your own truth and accepted who you are in your own eyes.
2006-12-06 16:56:55 · answer #9 · answered by Kimbert 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If thing are that bad why not get a divorce? It sounds like you have tried to work it out with your spouse. And remember, relations require two people so imagine also that your spouse is likely to be feeling the same way. I would look to correct the fact that you are in one relationship that causes you mental anguish before entering into one that your faith will also make you feel terrible personally.
2006-12-03 16:57:19 · answer #10 · answered by famousevan 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know from experience that if you have an affair, you will regret it. I won't mention the story about David and Bathsheba, and the fact that when you commit adultery, you are sinning against God Himself, because I'm sure you've heard this before.
Have you considered marriage counseling? I'm praying for you, friend.
2006-12-03 16:58:48 · answer #11 · answered by David S 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋