How do i get over the father of my children?

Question

I was with MIke for 11 years. When we started to date i quit my job to work for him. Over the 11 years he did very well for himself and us but last year the day after Christmas he told me he couldnt do the Family thing anymore( he was seeing someone else) and he moved out. I still live in the house he bought for us 7 years ago he pays all the bills and i still work for him.
Problem is we have three children 8, 3 and 8 mos. He owns 2 bars and his new girlfriend has a bar also. They drink heavly and it scares me when my kids go there.
How do i move on with my life with 3 kids, No money and somewhat of a job? Im 33 and he is 41 do they ever GROW UP?

One thing i forgot to add the first time WE were never married.

Answer 1

I think that you need to find yourself another job. How can you get over him if he is still such a major factor in your life. Search for a new job, take out child support, and meet someone new (not for a serious relationship but to talk to, it tends to speed up the healing process). Be sure to do these things in an orderly fashion so you won't suffer finacially. Once these things have fallen into place then you can call the shots on visitation since they have drinking problems. Good Luck.

Answer 2

You need to hire a good attorney who will be sure that you get the house and the kids and a good alimony payment and child support. I hope you could then stop working for him and perhaps find another part-time job, if you can get help with baby-sitting. Is there anyone who would be willing to help you? A parent or sister or good friend? You really can't move on with your life while your children are still so young, but in a few years when they are older, you should go back to school and aim for a better life for you and your children. Perhaps you could begin taking courses now at a local community college that has a baby-sitting service, as some do. Or you could take online courses. As for the question "do they ever grow up?", some do and some don't. If he hasn't at 41, chances are he is one who isn't going to grow up.

Answer 3

The best thing to do is get an good attorney, start divorce filings and child support with alimony paperwork. The court will take in to account that you have worked for him in the past eleven years.
Also if your scared for your kids going over there, file a petition for sole physcial custody with limited visitation with him, set some ground rules (only you really know what they should be).
Now once that is all settled you need to move on with your life, even if he did come back you wouldn't know if he came back because she dumped him, she didn't put up with his ways like you, or the court order he will get. And could you EVER really trust him again? I doubt it.
Also go back to work when this is settled or go back to school and you will feel alive again. There is life after love.
My mother and father split up when my mother was 39. She was devastated then a few years later after she started working and attending GED glasses she meant someone is still with them almost ten years later and they are talking about getting married. Life does go on. It won't be easy and you probably don't think so but you will be ok, it takes time. The key is to be active.
Start with finding an attorney and getting your life back. You will make out in the divorce, you will be fine.
Good luck and you will be in my prayers.
And NO I doubt men NEVER grow up but show him you have.

Answer 4

You need to file a claim in family court for child support. This is to make sure your children are provided for financially. Put your two youngest ones in day care and go back to school for realistic job training, so you'll have marketable job skills. If you can't do this, then you can try online job training. Talk with a domestic lawyer about the house to see where you stand and about your the welfare of your children. Some men grow up and some don't. When a man doesn't grow up, that leaves you to make all the adult decisions and one is, you can't allow the children at their dad's house until things changes with all the drinking. If something bad happens to them, it's going to be on your conscience. Parents have a responsibility to their children. They're depending on you. Start making a life for yourself without Mike. Start by getting a new job. Start participating in positive activities, such as learning First Aid/CPR. Join a local church and get involved. Get your 8 year old enrolled in after school activities that's beneficial for her. Join the parents & teachers association at your child's school. Do things with your children you all enjoy. Since you and Mike never married and most states doesn't recognize common-law, I don't know what you're entitled to. This is another issue you need to discuss with a domestic lawyer. God never intended for man and woman to live together without benefit of marriage and when this happens, you will really lose out by playing house. With all the drinking Mike's doing and him not wanting the responsibility of a family, he did you a favor by leaving. Now you can meet a grownup man.

Answer 5

Keep yourself up and expect what you want and act on it everyday very subtle. Now as hard as it is it's just temporary and this season will pass. Go through it as best you can because if you could fast forward 10 yrs you'd probably not even worry about today. Think positive no matter how bad the situation gets and ask for wisdom to make the right choices. sending many blessings to you and know you're not alone.

Answer 6

Counseling. Divorce Attorney. Start Dating Again. Make New Friends. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You should qualify for Workforce Incentive Act ("WIA") funding to attend college, a technical school or other type of facility so you can obtain marketable skills to allow you to become independent of your children's father. There may also be other programs in your city/county/state.

Google "WIA" or "Workforce Incentive Act" along with the name of your state.

Or go to your local state employment office, and they can provide you with information about WIA.

Considering your husband is drinking heavily, I would not allow my children to be around him in that state as you could be jeopardizing their lives.

If you aren't divorced yet, your husband might come to his senses and return to you. It might take him awhile to come around. After awhile he might realize that being single isn't so great after all.

You may consider obtaining a court order for visitation, child support, and medical insurance. The court may order supervised visitation or with terms stating he must be sober when he has the children. He may be paying your bills today, but who knows if he will tomorrow. And who knows if your husband will allow you to continue to work for him.

Any woman who marries should try before or during the marriage to obtain skills which are marketable in today's world because who knows if the husband will die, become disabled, etc.

Foodstamps, medicaid and State Medical Insurance programs just for children up to age 18 are available for families based on income. Apartments and other types of housing like Section 8 through your county or state are available based on a sliding scale for your income. Many women survive and successfully raise a handful of children without a husband, and even without child support.

I would first try to save your marriage. Both of you have much invested. Your children are all very young. Once his fling dies down, suggest you both attend marriage counseling or through a church. The Catholic Church has Retrouville, which has a high success rate of saving a marriage.

And if you do end in divorce, I would ask for alimony as well as child support.

Answer 8

YOU WANT BE ABLE TO GET OVER HIM BECAUSE HE
THE FATHE OF YOUR CHILDREN. SO HE WILL ALL WAY
BE IN YOUR LIFE. IF JUST FOR THE KIDS. BUT YOU CAN
START GET YOUR LIFE BACK ON TRACK BY DOING THINGS
THAT WILL GET YOU OUT OF THE SITUATION THAT YOU
ARE IN. MAYBE START LOOKING FOR A ANOTHER JOB.
IKNOW THAT MAY NOT BE EASY BUT START TAKING BABY
STEPS. AND THEN YOU WILL SEE THAT IF WILL GET
A LOT BETTER DOWN THE ROAD. JUST TAKE ONE
DAY AT A TIME.AS FOR THE CHILDREN YOU SHOULD
LET THEM KNOW THAT THE KIDS ARE TWO YOUNG TO
BE GOING TO A BAR. THAT WOULD STOP ALL TOGETHER.

Answer 9

if he has not grown up by now,no he will never see the light...find another job so you will not have to see him all the time,,the drinking heavily,,,bad for his health,DWI.s ,,,,might need a disaster to bring him to realty,,not caused by you..go to family court.apply for total custody,,child support,,and lawyers fees,good luck..if this time of year get you down too much im me and we will talk,,,,your worth more then what hes giving you,and the kids...good luck

Answer 10

Ummmm....you will get over him as soon as you meet someone way better that makes you realize that clown got you pregnant and walked out on you....He is an *** and him and his drunken girlfriend deserve eachother