i need mature experienced advice for relationships..?

Question

my boyfriend for two years just told me that it feels like i have just this little girl crush for him..in my opinion ihave a very mature compationate love for him...how do i tell him that things are much stronger!? im so tired of fighting with him and it makes me cry every night that i cant fix anything thats infront of me..life and everything is so hard...please help

Answer 1

first thing to do is to STOP crying. sit down and make an assessment of your relationship. what you do and what you or he thinks you are anot doing. treat this like you are analyzing somebody else so you don't get emotional and can think clearly. after you have assessed everything, talk to him again. (calmly please) discuss the situation, assess what can be done still or improved. point out to him your strengths and ask him why he still thinks that way. but don't get into a fight about it. you will never solve anything. if he still insists that they are not enough; think it over, you may have to dump him for being too demanding and being inconsiderate.

Answer 2

It sounds like there's more to the argument than that. Like, what is the next statement out of his mouth? Why does the issue START with you having a "little girl crush" on him?

Based soley on what you said, it seems that maybe he wants to be "comfortable" in the relationship and maybe something you say or do makes him feel like he needs to act like its still a new relationship. I don't want to make the mistake of reading into something that isn't there, but it seems that the problem is not the amount of love that the 2 of you have for eachother, but rather the way it is being offered, displayed, recieved, and interpreted by both parties.

The best way to get through this (not around it) is to talk about it before it becomes an arguement. That way the 2 of you can listen to eachother and not just hear eachother talk. Ask him why he feels this way and then explain how you feel toward him. Don't defend or respond to what he said. State your feelings and then ask him how that makes him feel. Sound elementary or silly? This is what any counselor would have you do in an office. Be attentive and calm and if it seems that tension is developing, then request to finish the discussion at another time when the situation is calm again. Stay away from defensiveness and arguing your or his point. That will only make the tension rise. Stick to the facts and make your statements as simple as possible. Nothing complex.

Too much? Write a letter. No one can argue verbally with words on a page.

Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like your boyfriend doesn't make you very happy. I wonder how old you are, and if your boyfriend is your age or older. It's not good when a guy needs constant reassurance or convincing that you really do love him. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy, or even that he's not the one, but he may have some growing up to do. I started dating a guy my sophomore year of high school. We moved in together after graduation. He was always mistrusting my intentions, not trusting that I really loved him, etc. I broke up with him and left, even though I loved him so much. He swore he'd never speak to me again and I believed him. I was heartbroken, but the relationship just wasn't healthy. He really didn't speak to me for months, and when he finally did talk to me again it seemed like he had completely moved on. He was even dating other girls. I just tried to forget him and started dating other people too. But the time apart was just what we needed. It helped him realize that I did have other options, and that when I was with him it was because I CHOSE to be, because I loved him. We started over, and things were much better. We've been happily married for four years and have a child. Don't be afraid to get some distance from this. If he really is the One for you, you couldn't really break up if you tried. Good luck, sweetie.

Answer 4

Not sure of your situation, so I'm using possible situations to try and help you.....

Okay, so.... Of course you love him, but do you tell him? If so, do you tell him A LOT?? See, guys are weird like that. If you don't tell them how you feel, they don't like it. If you say it too much, they don't like it. Maybe you ask questions sometimes that put him on the spot. You can't force someone to feel a certain way, so if you stop wondering how he feels, he might be more open to sharing his true feelings without saying what he thinks you want to hear...... If you think that maybe he's trying to say that you're smothering him or something, then try SHOWING how you feel instead of saying it. If you trust him, do it. It'll help you relax a little, because no offense, but you seem like the kind of girl who would call him while you know he's with his friends, just to ask something like what are you doing, or when are you coming home... If that's the case, give him a chance to miss you....trust him. At the same time, if you don't trust him, then maybe this isn't the healthiest relationship for you to be in...

Maybe he's more of the spontaneous type, or you're a dinner and movie kinda girl, who knows. He might just want a change of pace in your relationship. For example, if you guys go to the movies every weekend, go to a theatre in a different city, just to get away.

Sometimes in situations like these, us women are afraid to speak-up because we think that it might irritate him. You said that you end up crying a lot. Is that because he gets mad when you bring stuff up? Or does he bring it up? It's hard to tell you what to do, but If that's the case, then bring things up as they happen, and don't wait until you're having a huge fight to speak your mind...But at the same time, don't go through his cell phone and check his text messages during a romantic dinner.

However you feel about this guy...you have to show it. If you trust him, do it. If you love him, show it. Doesn't mean that when he tells you he's gonna go out, you have to say "Ok, I trust you"...
Good luck...

Answer 5

Is he trying to manipulate you into sex? I cannot think why a guy would tell his girlfriend such a thing unless he is trying to make you feel guilty and make you do something you don't want to. Two years is an investment and should not be trivialized by his insensitive remarks. Why don't you ask him specifics. You are entitled to this after 2 years! Life can be hard, but you can make the choice to always make it better. Would you not be better off to cut your loses and stand up for yourself. He does not have control of your life and happiness unless you give it to him....I say DON'T. You cannot fix this person and should not waste your time. Go be happy elsewhere!

Answer 6

Sweetie, if you are loving him the best you can with all your heart and it's still not enough..then it will not ever be enough. Perhaps you are just not the right person for him. Or maybe he is just insecure and needs more than you can give. Either way...from what you have said I think you are in a lose/lose situation. All you can do in a relationship is your best, and if they other person doesn't think that is good enough.that is their problem to deal with . And it is time to walk away from them before they make you question yourself..

Answer 7

the best way for him to know how u feel is by you telling him. sit him down and explain how you feel, make sure he knows you love him and dont want to lose him because if you dont and things end, you will blame yourself. then you will always go back and say "what if id just..." and "i wonder what would of happened". trust me that is no way to go on living your life. and after you talk to him, if he still doesnt believe you, then something is wrong. He may not want you to tell him, so he can end it, i know that sounds bad, but men and women both can be this mean. If your pour your heart out to him and he says he doesnt believe you and respect your feelings, then he isnt worth it.

Answer 8

If he says he feels you have only a crush dear then you must not be expressing it well...when you are in love with a person..you light up when they walk in the room..you love them so much that if they left you...you feel like you would die..you love them for the good and the bad...you love them unconditionally..you would give life for them if need be...so start trying to be more affectionate with him...cook for him...get him the things he needs without him asking you...give him "husband" privleges even though he isn't...then he will know that you are in love with him.

Answer 9

The question you need to ask yourself is, do I still enjoy staying in this relationship? Am I happy with him? Because it sounds like to me your relationship has lost it's spark if you're "tired of fighting with him and it makes you cry every night."

Don't be afraid to end relationships. YOU deserve better and YOU deserve to have the best relationships.

Answer 10

Dont fight with him ,sometimes a man needs to test the grounds that he stands on to check how firm the foundation is to continue to the next step.It will pass but it will take some time.