I have been going out with my dream man and I noticed that I have been not happy with him, but having fear of leaving him since, I am not sure I can find other man who is like this guy. I really love him and I found myself that I might be addicted to him. This is so-called Bad relationship . I know that and I am looking for any help to improve this. Our relationship started so good and I have never had such a man in my life. I swear to God.
2006-12-03 15:48:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
He must be thrilled to know you stay with him out of fear, rather than love.
2006-12-03 15:56:33 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not addicted to your b/f, you are afraid to look for someone new. That may be because you have conflicts about leaving. There are some things you like about your b/f and your relationship and some thinks you don't. You remember how good it was in the beginning.
You may be afraid to talk with your b/f about the issues in your relationship that are causing you to be unhappy.
Or, maybe, you don't know how important it is to to be open with your b/f about how you are feeling about specific issues/aspects of your relationship. You say that your relationship was great in the beginning, that means that issues occured since then that have not been resolved in a way that both of you can be happy about.
Long term relationships take a lot of communication work, a lot of soul searching, assertiveness, humility, and an awareness of the need to take emotional risks by telling the truth (in a kind way) to our partner.
Now is a good time to begin learning about developing relationship skills. There are good books about this in the large bookstores. One idea is to look through the books on the shelf that are for married people on how to save your marriage.
The 2 best books that I know about are: "Why Marriages Succeed or Fail", by, John Gottman, Ph.D. and "Getting The Love You Want - A Guide For Couples", by, Harville Hendrix, Ph.D.
The other thing is that marriage counseling is not just for married couples. My x- wife and I went to couples counseling the first year we dated. We liked and admired each other enough that we were willing to try to resolve our issues and learn about ways of relating to each other that worked better.
Since I'm divorced, you might say, "How good could those books be, if you got divorced?" That's a good question. Unfortunately, my x left me after 17 years, because I became physically disabled, and it was too much for her. We are still friends, by the way.
I would read the book by Hendrix first, as the first 1/2 talks about the unconcious reasons we are attracted to someone of the opposite sex, who might not be a good person to marry.
God bless you in your life and hopes for a happy marriage in your future.
2006-12-04 00:56:48 · answer #2 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't addicted to your lover-- as you stated yourself, your only reason for staying with him is fear that you won't be able to do better. This is actually the main reason a lot of people stay in bad relationships-- they'd rather plow through a miserable life than face the difficult and unknown results of striking it out on their own. It's entirely up to you how you're going to approach this; you're stuck for as long and you continue to box yourself into this relationship. Talking about this shows that you've at least acknowledged your problem, but remember: actions speak louder than words.
2006-12-04 00:12:58 · answer #3 · answered by OodlesofNoodles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is possible that you are addicted to the fact that you have companionship. My ex & I stayed together (we have a 10 year old) despite that fact that we really did not get along. I think we got ourselves into a comfort zone where we just went with the flow. When all along we were not happy with each other. We recently went separate ways & I am much happier(I don't know about him). I'm not going to say leave to leave him because it is hard to do but just take a moment and evaluate what it is you are not happy with. then maybe talk with him about it.
2006-12-03 23:56:11 · answer #4 · answered by twogris 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It would be tough to leave him because you are addicted. When you first get together with a guy you really dig, your brain releases dopamine, just like if you were to do drugs. And just like if you were to quit doing drugs, if you were to leave him the brain won't produce the normal amount of dopamine on its own. You'll be depressed at first, and It will take a while to get over it but you can do it!
2006-12-04 13:45:33 · answer #5 · answered by Lauren 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am familiar with your situation. Please look up the terms "sociopath" and "anti-social disorder" on the internet and visit several sites that describe this personality. See if your "dream man" has any of the characteristics described. If so then it will help you to figure out what you are up against.
2006-12-05 21:28:02 · answer #6 · answered by watch4synergy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best cure for your type of addiction is to make a clean break.
If you are not happy tell him it's over, put your feelings on hold and move on.
2006-12-03 23:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by Imogen Sue 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
So this is the only guy in the WORLD who could possibly make you happy? LEAVE HIM, and find someone else. You only live once, So why kick yourself in the ***?
2006-12-03 23:53:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like dependant personality disorder
2006-12-04 10:35:30 · answer #9 · answered by LIz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋