I have a problem and dont know what I should do. I have been married for almost 4 years and have three stepchildren and a daughter of my own. My husbands ex girlfriend (the one he has three kids by) is just now getting out of prison next month. I have been taking care of all four children and even my stepchildren call me mom because their mom has not seen them in about 3 and a half years. She walked out on them and chose drugs and prostitution over three beautiful children. She has been in prison for almost 2 years, even before she did not care about them. I was friends with her and my husband now for 8 years total (before we got married) and she has always been a drug addict. She says that she has changed. IS IT WRONG TO SAY SHE CAN NOT SEE HER CHILDREN UNTIL SHE PROVED THAT SHE HAS CHANGED BY TAKING US TO COURT? I do not think it is but I feel bad for keeping her away from her children. But her kids have been hurt too much and I do not want to see that again.
2006-12-03 13:33:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The ages of my stepchildren are a boy 9, and two girls 6 and 8. my daughter is 4. They are all still pretty young but do know that there mom hurt them very badly.
2006-12-03 13:48:30 · update #1
I think you should consult a family law attorney and consider terminating her parental rights if possible.
2006-12-03 13:40:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, try supervised visitation without getting the courts involved. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance. You, she, and your husband get together and talk about a visitation schedule. Has the children seen the mom at all while she was in prison? If not, start off visitation nice and easy, maybe like 1 hr a week. As all you build a relationship, increase visitation, even perhaps letting her see the children by herself.
I think that if you make her go to court, she will resent you, the stepmom. She will probably be mandated to continue some sort of drug program and will also be trying to adjust to life out of prison. The thought of seeing her kids again may be what has kept her going.
True, she will always be a drug addict. But if she works hard, she will be a RECOVERING drug addict. Give her a chance. As others has said, a trial may end up hurting the kids.
2006-12-03 13:46:14 · answer #2 · answered by Inquiring Mind 19 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure once she is released she will have to continue drug-testing through DSS. Otherwise, there is no standing case for not letting her see her children. I know it sounds awful, but the law is the law and sometimes, well... people change. If you are frightened for the kids you will need to prove she is neglectful or abusive, which you most likely will not be able to do until she has seen them for a while. DSS will more than likely be coming to her door once a week. Did your husband file for sole custody? In the case of the mother, she will most definitely get visitation rights in that case unless there is absolute proof she is an unfit mother.
I hope this helps you. A long trial would hurt the kids too. If she decides not to be in their life, look into adoption. (She will have to agree, though, which is unlikely). All the best.
2006-12-03 13:42:31 · answer #3 · answered by Me, Thrice-Baked 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should contact an attorney. I would say supervised visitations. I definitely would not feel comfortable with her taking them in a car. The major problem I can see is as the kids get older they are going to wonder about their real mother and you will have to be very honest with them (age appropriate) and they are still going to want to meet her. If you have some control with supervised visitation you can guard the children and still let her see the kids. But if you smell anything on her or she is abusive or angry when she comes to visit you can call the cops and have the visitations stopped. Best of luck..
2006-12-03 13:43:17 · answer #4 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't mention the age of the children. Knowing this would help a little in giving opinions about the situation.
You should allow reasonable visitation with their mother. Weekends and holdidays, that sort of thing.You and your husband should fight to retain sole physical custody if she threatens to take you to court over the matter. It is my personal belief that when she chose the lifestyle, she chose the consequences of it. Losing her kids was one of those consequences.
Once she is out of prison for awhile and shows herself to be trying to better her station in life, then a reconsideration of the situation should be considered by all involved. But, not until she proves herself to be a trustworthy and reliable parent.
Best wishes
2006-12-03 13:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go to court to find out whats Right or wrong in this case.If you have full custody with your husband they may not even have to see their Mother until after they are old enough to decide for them self's.
I want to tell you though that you are wonderful person for loving those children and taking care of them.Kudos to you...
~Merry Christmas~
2006-12-03 13:38:23 · answer #6 · answered by vtlovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think of whats best for the children take her to court and issue that she just got out of jail, she's always been a drug addict, se never cared about her 3 beautiful children and that you and your husband wants full custady of the kids and that they call you mom and you took her position. the best free way to do it is to go to judge judy find out how to get on the show http://www.judgejudy.com/SubmitCase/submitcase.asp heres the website remember do wats best for the kids
2006-12-03 13:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not wrong. She has everything to prove in this case all you need to do is sit back and wait. I hope she has changed but thank god you are in the kids lives as a positive role model.
2006-12-03 13:37:08 · answer #8 · answered by bobndew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋