How and when should I introduce my black fiance' to my white-affluent Mormon grandparents?

Question

A little background: I grew up poor, never meeting my bio father until I was like 19. I sought out my paternal family when I was 11 and found my grandparents who were still in town, but not my bio father whom they hadn't heard from either. My paternal grandparents are ultra conservative, affluent, white Mormans. I am ultra liberal, non-religious, hispanic and white and my fiance' is black and white. His family is very very poor and he is a truck driver and sort of a thug, well when he was younger. My grandparents will not approve, A. because he's not educated B. because he is rough around the edges. C. because he's black. D. because he has long hair and talks like where he's from. We are from the same neighborhood, I met him when I was 16 around the corner from my home. However, I went to the army, college and am now going to law school. I want to introduce him to the other side of my family, but my grandfather is very critical and judgemental. I want my fiance' to be comfortable

and accepted and I also don't want my grandparents to be disapointed in me. They are very protective of me and are always trying to hook me up with some "nice men" from their church. I haven't introduced or talk about any of male friends with them because I know my grandfather will not be accepting. How should I handle this?

Answer 1

I would write them a letter and explain your worries to them, tell them their support is very important, and ask them if you can count on them to give him a chance if they meet him.

Answer 2

Wow! I know how ur feeling iam white & spanish, the father of my children is black. my grandparents told me at 10yrs. old that if i didnt mary a white man i would be disowned . well my love didnt approve of there logic, so i did me. I had children by a man i loved not by the color of his skin. I know ur man knows the deal with ur family. If not sit him down & explain how ur family is and let him deceid if he is ready to meet them.then go to ur family before u bring him, ask them to please be respectful just for ur sake. ask them to do it for u if they love u they should at least give the guy a chance. there not the one who is marrying him u are.They are only meeting him not sleeping with him. Also ask him to tone it down a little with the getto talk. try to be a little humble.tell him there is a thing called kill them with kindness. it hurts more when (no pun intended) white people see a nice black man the way they talk and the way they represent themselfs. it confuses them because stereo types have made the black man as a mugger theif car jacker drug dealer ect. u know what i mean.So let him know be kind even if they throw u out there home during dinner let him say thank u & nice to meet u . And keep it moving.If u do marry him u can do things like still send a christmas card every year show them u are better then them maybe it would knock them out of the pass.Listen people for any one who still feels like that GET OVER IT ! black people are here just like white , spanish, chinese ect. And black people are going to be here no matter what.

Answer 3

This question insinuates you are ashamed of your boyfriend. The time to introduce him is the next time you are in town. If you are in town, the time would be at the earliest opportunity. Your grandparents are not the ones who will be married to this man. You are. I am not saying that you should completely ignore their feelings, but you should be prepared for whatever comes and stick by your fiance if he is your choice and he makes you happy.
Good luck

Answer 4

i'm 60 now and remember the way it grow to be in the previous due 50's and the 60's. you will possibly hardly see a mixed race couple and in case you probably did everyone may well be turning heads to confirm them. i grow to be an Air rigidity Brat and lived everywhere in the country. decrease back then i grow to fret for the infants of mixed racial marriage. Are they black, are they white, who will settle for them the blacks or the whites or neither? Now i'm supposedly older and wiser. i'm Jewish married to a Roman Catholic for 37 years. i think of it makes our youngsters cashews. We raised our youngsters Jewish, besides the fact that it grow to be extra her determination then mine. it particularly is a mixed marriage, besides the fact that it would not stand out in a crowd. We tried to enhance our youngsters coloration blind and that i think of we succeded. I only cared that whom ever my daughters married might handle them with kindness and appreciate. If somebody hurts my daughters they are going to would desire to respond to to me. In in the present day's international I see no longer something incorrect with any marriage, no count race, faith, coloration, and each and each of something. If 2 everyone seems to be rather in love with one yet another then marriage is the subsequent logical step, no count what obsticales are put in their way. At our wedding ceremony human beings have been making a huge gamble on how long we would stay mutually.

Answer 5

their is only one anwser to your question and this is it,do you love him i would hope so if he is you fiance,well if you anwsered yes to that question your ready, so go ahead and intraduce him to your grandparents because its like this you will be the one marrying this person and you most of all are the one that has to be happy,because there not the ones that are going to be married to this person you are,you are going to be the one liveing with this person day in and day out for the rest of your life and if they are religous they will get over it and learn to love him to,but you have to think about doing what makes you happy not what makes other people happy, i know it might be hard on you but thats the way it is, so if you truly love this person tell them and dont worry about color or creed because after all we are all human and we all came from the same heavenly father so quit worrying and just tell them because if you dont he'll just think your ashamed of him,but if you have any douts just rely on the good old bible for the bible will help you out but always remember this it is not up to us to judge one another there is only one person who can judge us and that is none other then our allmighty god

Answer 6

If you feel your family won't approve of him, then why do you believe that you aren't worthy of a man who WOULD meet their standards?
Never mind the racial thing because that isn't what I am talking about.
If you are aware of the kind of man your grandparents know would be a man that would be right for you, then raise your bar to match theirs, & go find a man who is good enough for you.

Answer 7

With adult maturity. As Mormons, they certainly aren't supposed to DISCRIMINATE. They are taught to love their brothers as thyself.
If push comes to shove, as them when Jesus discriminated?
You can't live your life based on what your grandparents--or anyone--says.
If you are happy with this man and he's good to you, that is all that needs to be known to ANYONE.

Answer 8

Look, if you are proud of your life, and you are proud of your fiancee, you shouldn't have any concern. You should give them a chance, and if they don't accept you or your fiancee it is thier loss.

Answer 9

Hi this is (Insert name). He is my boyfriend.

Answer 10

good luck with that.