My daughter is shy. Our reltavies live out of town, so she doesn't see them very often. When they do come to visit, they obviously want to hug her and talk to her (She talks VERY well.), but all she does is pout and hide behind me. My in-laws are very out-going and think that I am encouraging her by letting her cling to me and picking her up when she feels shy. I say I'm letting her take her own time to interact with family. Plus I feel like they are actually making things worse, because they make SUCH a big deal about her not paying attention to them. I mean, if she was 5 and still doing this, I might be able to talk to her about being polite, etc. But for now she's 2!!! Who's right?
2006-12-03 13:03:39 · 14 answers · asked by MountainChick 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
It's good that she is actually wary of strangers (they might be her relatives but by your own admission she doesn't really know them very well) I wouldn't try and disuade this behaviour for exactly that reason, her natural survival instincts are kicking in and they are telling her to back away from a bunch of people she doesn't know and therefore doesn't feel comfortable with.
Given time, she will get to recognise them and she will become aware that they pose no threat. I'd suggest having a quiet word with your relatives and tell them apart from saying "hello" to your little girl to ignore her and not make such a fuss. If she doesn't feel pressured by all the attention, she is more likely to approach them. I don't think you are in the wrong at all by picking her up and making her feel safe, she's your daughter and it's your job to protect her - and that is exactly what you are doing!
2006-12-03 13:19:56 · answer #1 · answered by Witchywoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't sweat it. The child just does not really know them - and the in-laws feel a little hurt, thinking maybe they can fix it. Almost all parents think they are masters over everyone else raising kids.., your In-Laws are no exception..., and yes.., while you may not think so, you will be the same way. I PROMISE! LOL Experienced observer of parents of friends and family.
I think you are right - but do keep in mind the In-Laws mean well.., and probably feel hurt that she doesn't warm up to them on the spot. You might try an experiment and leave her in the room with them for about 30 minutes and just peek in to observe her.
Sometimes a child without the run-to safety net will open up a bit more. Just be sure to warn (politely) the In-Laws to not push real hard or she'll really withdraw because she is shy. Arm them with a fave toy of hers and see how it goes. Do this 30 minutes at a time.., maybe twice a day... I would "almost" bet money - she will warm up to them.
HOWEVER - if she starts crying and runs from them - and does not stop in 10 to 15 minutes - step in. You don't want the kid to be afraid of them, so work it steps and stages. You know your child better than anyone - but allow just a little bit of room to "test".
Good luck.
2006-12-03 21:24:42 · answer #2 · answered by Victor ious 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They need to know that she is too young to fully understand who they are. As far as she knows..they are strangers. She doesn't see them very much..so why would she feel comfortable giving them hugs or talking to them? She has her own personality..and in this day and age it is problem on the safer side she doesn't go up to someone and start chatting away or being out going IMO.
tell them to relax abit..she is only 2..and is shy yet. Giver her time to feel abit more comfortable with them. They are making things worse for her..she does not need to feel bad because she is not wanting to give hugs or say hi to someone she does not know.
2006-12-03 21:59:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think most 2 yr olds are attached to their Mom's legs whenever anyone comes around. I think she has a right to not be ready to say Hi to the relatives. She is still trying to figure out who everyone is, pretty soon she will be independent and then look out, she will go wandering off at the department store for no apparent reason except to look around. Be the Mommy as long as you can! Just my opinion.
2006-12-03 21:11:09 · answer #4 · answered by Shelley 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for a 2 year old to open up to new people. They may be her relatives, but she doesn't know them well and they scare her. I think you are right in letting her take her time. Why scare her more by forcing her to interact when she is not comfortable?
2006-12-03 21:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by Kristy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she is perfectly normal, she is shy, she does not understand the concept of relatives. And she is better off being shy and fearful of strangers.
Your in-laws have got to learn to respect her and her space.
BTW: My son had teammates that we saw several times a week for years, that were 6-8 years old that did not speak to anyone outside of the family.
Do not worry, you and your daughter are fine.
2006-12-03 21:20:10 · answer #6 · answered by starting over 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is 2 years old- and they are practically like strangers-what do they expect??
She needs a familiar face- and leg-to cling too- they should give her and you a break-and not make an issue of it-D
2006-12-03 21:15:41 · answer #7 · answered by Debby B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely correct. Trying to force her to interact with people will only make it harder for her. She will come out when she is ready. It's normal for kids to be shy around people they don't know very well.
2006-12-03 21:10:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lorax 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I dont think you should be concerned untill she gets a little bit older and then i would really be concerned mabey something is bothiring her.She just dosnt see them often so she really dosent know who thy are mabey if you talked to her about her realatives and introduced her to them mabey she would feel a lot better
2006-12-03 21:08:37 · answer #9 · answered by Katie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to speak from personal experience and hopefully this helps you in your decision as to what to do...
I remember when I was little and my parents would take me out of town to see our family there. I wasn't shy around all of them, but most of them. I felt intimidated. Well, my parents would force me on them and it actually made me want to run and hide. It didn't make me warm up to them anymore...time did that. After a day or two around them, I was FINE! But before that, nope. I don't think pushing your daughter on them is good or punishing her. Maybe you could sit her down BEFORE you see them and tell her exactly what's going on. Tell her who she will be seeing, what she will be doing and that they are nice people. It may not make her instantly warm up to them, but at least she'll have some idea of what's going on. I know she's "just two" but I'm sure she's smart!
As for your in-laws saying you are encouraging her. So what? They seem to just want to hold her, etc, so of course they are going to say that...that way you will feel guilted into forcing her on them. I'm not saying they are bad people or they are doing it on purpose, but maybe that's what they are trying to accomplish. We all know how it is to get around babies and want to hug on them, but they need to respect her. Some people are just shy!
I will just fast foward to the long-term effects of this. I was SO shy around strangers. I hated talking to them, etc. Now? I can strike up a conversation with anyone!! I am shy in large groups if I have to get up in front...more like stage fright, but I'm not introverted or anything like that. I think because eventually, my parents gave up trying to force me on my out-of-town family and eventually, I grew up. I realized, "Hey. no one else is scared...why am I? I'm a BIG GIRL now!" I saw that everyone else interacted fine and I wanted to be like that so I talked myself out of it.
How you deal with your daughter has to work for BOTH of you. Don't punish her or force her to do something when she doesn't feel comfortable...especially with out-of-town relatives. I mean, think about it...of course she doesn't get to see them much but punishing her (whether it be through actual punishment or forcing her) won't do much good on someone she won't see often, right? I think you should just give her time and continue to talk to her...before and during.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you!!
2006-12-03 21:48:10 · answer #10 · answered by Hootie562 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋