Does anyone else out there not know how to carry on a one-on-one conversation?

Question

I hate myself and personality for that reason! I'm totally fine and always have things to say with three or more people, but it's always awkward, sometimes really awkward, when it's just me and another person, guy or girl. That's why I don't have friends over often, I only have group parties, and I HATE answering my cell--I just don't answer it and people always stop calling me eventually. It's not that I'm shy or anything--I'm not, I just don't seem to have anything to say to that one other single person. Any social tips out there for me? Any other questions you'd like to ask me to help me out!? Thanks if you have any input whatsoever!

Answer 1

I actually took an interpersonal communications class in college and the one thing i remember most was the professor saying that people like to talk about themselves. It's true. The more conversations I have the more I realize that people never run out of things to say about themselves. You can either talk about yourself (which i find really hard to do) or ask them questions about them like; how was your day? how was your week? anything interesting happen to you lately? The point is, if you just ask questions, or get them on a story telling kick, you won't run out of things to say, and if u do run out of things to say, try asking them about themselves because they will have a lot to say!

Answer 2

I always found one-on-one conversation comes more naturally to me than interacting with a group (whereby I just call out something witty every now and then). It depends a lot on the individual you're talking to, and how well you know them. If there's someone new at work, I'll just make small talk, like 'how are you enjoying the job so far?' or 'I don't get why they order this crap.' It makes the other person feel like they can talk to you, if you initiate conversation, and often it just goes organically from there. Listen to the answers you get, and if there's something of interest, ask about it. If it reminds you of something else, tell the story. If it goes nowhere, find some other comment to make, to open up the conversation again. Ask if they've done a similar job before, or if they have another job or they study, or something like that.

If you're talking to someone you already know, think of what you know about them. If they study, ask how uni's going. If they have a family, ask how the kids are. Again, listen to the answers and ask questions or tell your own related stories. A good mix of both will help. There's oodles of people on Yahoo Answers - why not e-mail a few who answer your questions, and practice/develop your skills?

Answer 3

Me, I can carry on one-only conversations, meaning conversations that involve only me. Cause I have several voices, and I can pretend to be two people.

But when another person is involved, that makes two. Or if there are three, then that makes three and gets even more complicated. Four is even worse.

But if I'm talking to a group of three hundred or whatever that's different cause they have to sit and listen, and can't talk back, cause they don't have the microphone.
In your case, just invite two people over, never one; cause then there are three of you. Don't ever have an even number, that's my advice for you in particular, am I right?

Answer 4

Yeah, I kinda know what you mean. I take a taekwondo class and I'm the only girl. However, my brother is in the class and he is a people person, something I'm not. I just stick in my corner and watch him jabber on, and I don't want to be a spoil sport or anything, but I don't know whether I'm wanted or not. I don't even know what to talk about with them. If you have brothers or sisters, try to imagine that those people are your family (in a way), and talk to them like you would your family. What you did that day, what your interests are, if you've played any good games lately or seen any good movies lately. Hope it helps!!

Answer 5

im answering because you answered my question and I really like your answer *ahem* okey-dokey. I have an absolutely terrible time have one-on-one convos with anyone - especially if it's a guy I'm interested in... or something like that - i get awkward and shy and start laughing like a hyena.... alot and that always looks great --- not really. and then i say things that don't make sense like there was this one time that I was hanging out with this guy I liked and he was trying to get me to do a toungue twister and it ended in "bled blue blood" so i messed up real badly and he repeated the last line and I ended up saying "bleh bluh blue"... Embarassing and incredibly awkward. SO ONTO MY ADVICE>>> To help me I always plan out what I'm going to say before I say it and think of helpful topics incase there's an awkward silence. It helps most of the time.

Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Hello answer buddy
Take a minute for this one,,, you ready... here we go

This is an excellent question, and i am not sure if i can answer it properly, but i can provide stimulus on this subject to help lead you in a clearer answer.

Generally this issue is rooted in bouts of self-doubt, self-worth and security. Everyone has varying levels of this, some just hide it well, or are naturally comfortable

a key area that is responsible for this is Identity.

Many people don't actually know "Who" they are, and this becomes a hindrance when finding out who someone else is.
When you are in a group of 3 or more people, there is less need to focus's on in depth conversation and direct interaction.

When you are one-on-one, there is a stronger sense of need to discuss more personal matters. SometI'mes we concentrate on just talking about nothing, rather than listening to the other person and letting them talk.

The fact is, everybody, 'when encouraged' likes to talk about themselves, or their interests, You could actually have a conversation with someone and say nothing more than 3 or 4 words, and they will come out of the conversation thinking "wow, i had a really great chat with that person' (you)

This is because you were interested to hear them talk about what matters to them.

What i try to tell myself each time im talking to a person one-on-one is

A: This person is no better or no worse than me, we are both the same basically. we all have struggles and we all have skills in different areas. We are created equal regardless of nationality or age.

B: This person is special, and there is NO ONE like them on the entire face of the earth, and yet i get the honour to talk with them

C: You can learn something of EVERYONE,

D: I have been given TWO ears and ONE mouth, so i shall use them in that same proportion (Less talking, more listening)

E: Eye contact regularly lots of it, don't be scared. enjoy looking at peoples eyes, its the window to their soul, and who they are

F: Smile Smile Smile, it breaks down many barriers,,, But Be genuine and generally dont smile the whole time, or you will weird them out and appear fake. I like to combine my smiles with serious looks, concerned looks, and relaxed facial expressions. What ever fits into the conversation, BE HONEST. Never lie or bend truth, its not cool.

OK OK, so some people are just downright difficult to talk to, but generally you have every right to relax and converse with anyone.

The interesting paradox or (Secret trick) here is, although we are no better or no worse than any person (see section A),, An excellent view point to take into account while conversing with someone is to also see them as HIGHER than yourself, and consider them as important. This is the act of being humble and considerate to others, allowing them space for them to express there character.

Just as there is a side to every person that is WORSE than us, there is also a side to every person that is BETTER than us.

This is not a matter of , competition between who is a better or worse person, No not at all!! it is an encouragement of each others strong points and characteristic qualities, not cutting down each other but building each other up with genuine positive comments and a loving respect for one-another.


You may need more self confidence, this can be found in many areas, your job, a sport, an activity or hobby, a belief in God, etc
OK...

Here is your project for this week...

Adopt the "S7" principle

"S"mile and or positively comment on "7" people this week to encourage them and watch how this improves your own self confidence


Also i implore you to Buy and READ the famous book "How to win Friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie
http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650/sr=1-1/qid=1165200027/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-7965709-8125562?ie=UTF8&s=books

HOPE THIS HELPS thanks for the question

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