How do you go on when you feel like your losing someone who meant everything to you?

Question

There is this guy and I can honestly say I would do anything for him. He is going through a tough time in his life because he lost his father. Before he used to talk to me every single day and I just got used to it and loved our talks. I understand now he won't talk to me as much but I just feel like he is disconnecting from me. It just hurts because I thought I meant so much to him because he used to tell me how much better his life was with me and how he loved my advice. I sent him a card telling him I was sorry for his loss and if he ever needed me I am here for him and I thought he would need me but it's been almost a month and he has only talked to me like one day a week for 5 minutes. How do I go on without needing or wanting him in my life? I mean I think about him constently like 30 times a day. How do I go on when all that I have been living for is basically gone?

I've told him I am here for him many a time and you know what kills me is I sent him that card he never said thanks (not that I wanted a thanks) but at least he could have acknowledged to me he recieved the card

What also really hurts is he is my first love.

I'm 20 years old so that's why it's kinda hard because he's really the first guy I've ever had something close with and his dad died November 12th.

Answer 1

I know what he is going through. I felt real disconnected from people myself when I lost someone close in my family and also when I lost my best friend to a gunshot wound. Just know that we do care for people and we still think of our friends. It is just really hard to readjust and be available again for our friends. I know when I lost my grandmother ( she raised me) when I was 24 I wouldnt talk to anyone. My friends called me and I would not return calls. I felt really isolated that if my friends called they would talk about happy things and guys and how happy they are or dwell on my loss. It made me feel uncomfortable to talk about such a wonderful woman. Just give him some time. It took me some time to reconnect with friends and family. I tried to commit suicide after her passing because I didnt feel a need to be here. She was young when she passed ( early 60s.) My friends eventually started to call my mother and ask how I was and she would tell them I was fine but needed space. They respected my wishes. We dont mean to disregard you. Friends are very important to people who loose something so dear to them. The only advice I can say is to just lay low and stay near by. I know that is hard to do but just give him that much. Believe me, it has nothing to do with you. He will call you when he is ready to have normal conversations that dont consist of death or his father. Make sure when you do finally talk to him dont mention that. Just mention that you are glad he called you and that you have been thinking about him. Let him know u will be there when he is ready. Good luck. Give him time.

Answer 2

I wish you'd mentioned how old you two are and how long ago his dad died. I think you need to cut him some slack, sweetie. He lost his dad!! I was 18 when my mom died and 28 when my dad died. Both times, I was furious with the entire world. Remember that even if you have lost a parent also, you don't know what he's feeling. You'd have an idea, sure, but you wouldn't know exactly. And while he may love your advice, advice is probably the last thing he needs or wants right now. He needs to grieve and everyone does that in their own way.

Does he like fudge? Cookies? Whatever it is, make him something he really likes and bring it to him. Just say "Hey...Missed ya. Brought you some ." Food tends to put people at ease. Don't push him, he'll talk when he's ready.

Answer 3

I dont think he is doing this on purpose. He just lost someone very close to him and he may just need some time alone. You dont have to give up on him. You are doing what you are supposed to do and thats being supportive for him. When hes ready to talk I think he will. He proably does appreciate the card, but he just hasnt told you yet. Or he thinks you know hes thankful. But just be patient. He will come back around. Just be there for him.

Answer 4

By realizing that you should mean more to you than this. Let him know your there for him, but you can not push the issue, we all grieve differently. He needs time to heal and you pressuring him for anything could cause him more of a push away. He needs you to be strong, it's not you personally.
Pull yourself up, if you can't be there for you how can you possibly be there for him?
I wish you peace with this, I am sorry.

Answer 5

Oh, I feel for you, I've been there. It hurts horribly and you will feel like you have died a thousand times a day. But you will live. And cry. And hurt. And be stronger for it. Take care.

Answer 6

Being needed is nice...but being there for yourself is more important. People come and go in our lives...but we need to be a constant and stable person for ourself.

Were you getting some self esteem from him needing you and your advice? Was it from him saying his life was better because of you being in it?

It is kind of codependent thinking.

Answer 7

u his probaly not disconecting from u he has probally found a guy friend. But life does go on so dont worry he will call u if he wants to talk or why dont u call him and ask him why

Answer 8

You just try as best as you can to just dust yourself off and move on to someone else I know its hard to do. You should then later find someone who is willing to have those great conversations and you'll like them and they'll like you and it'll be all good.

Answer 9

Darling, you are in love with him, be patient, if he is the one he will respond, if he isnt then life goes on!

Answer 10

Give him space. Let him know you would be there whenever he is ready to talk.