Well, about a year ago I met a really great guy.... we get along fabulously. We are so comfortable and have so much fun. We are so attracted to each other...the sex is incredible. I could definitely spend the rest of my life with him. We have our moments when we have snags, but that's pretty normal. Generally though, everything is wonderful. We are different people, but have very similar backgrounds, and have lots in common. We have similar careers and education. He absolutely adores me....treats me fantastically....tells me I'm beautiful, can't wait to see me, loves my looks... Everything seems to be very good.
One really big issue - he's married.
He's never promised he'd leave his wife. He loves his children, but I suspect things are not so great between the two of them. He is afraid of losing his children and constantly tells me he doesn't want me putting my life on hold for him. He has made me promise to tell him if my feelings for him go further. He is very concerned about what we're doing, as am I. We both know it's very, very wrong, but...... it's like we can't help ourselves. We're adults and certainly know better....but it's like there is another force guiding us.
Do you think that God has made this happen for a reason? I do believe things happen for a reason. I just can't figure out what the reason for this is. I keep wondering if this guy is my soul-mate. There are SO many things that we just "click" on. It's like we know each other inside and out.....sometimes it feels like we're the same person.
I'm not excusing our actions.... believe me. If someone were to ask me these questions and read this story, I'd say that they are very, very wrong and should stop right now. But.... we just can't.
Now what do I do?
2006-12-03 12:51:11 · 15 answers · asked by QueenChristine 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Please - real advice - no preaching...... I've done that to myself enough.
I really want some good advice.
Thank you!!
2006-12-03 12:52:09 · update #1
Real advice...hmmm kind of difficult...what's that when your heart and mind are telling you different things. Heart - be with him, mind - break it off cos it's wrong. I was in the same situation as you and have been for the past 1 1/2 years even though i know that it's not right for me to be with him from the start and he knew it and said the exact same thing as what you have written - love me lots but yet made it clear that he is not sure when he will be out of his marriage because of his children, job etc.
i don't know how i did it but a good friend (guy) who knows about my predicament told me to forget it and blank him out of my life cos every man wants the best of both worlds. trust me, i know that he loves me but till he sorts out his problems at home, i told him that i cannot be a part of his life because the guilt is almost too much to bear and also the fact that we will have to keep our relationship a secret. i believe that loving is not possessing and if it's not meant to be then why force it even though i know that he is my soulmate and the only man that i see myself being with for the rest of my life.
anyway, we have stopped the relationship although he continues to be a good friend. I still loves him, yes i do but i have accepted the fact that he is the right guy at the wrong time.
I am not sure what the future holds for us but like you i believed that he came into my life for a reason and of course i cannot see the reason when we were together, but now that he is not, the reason is clear. he came into my life and shows me that we are capable of loving someone deeply and yet not possessing the person. he made realise what i really need in a partner and what that there is always a choice in life. I know it will be a difficult decision for him to make about his marriage but i believe that in life we have to make some difficult decisions at times and not have the best of both worlds. It's not fair to his family nor to me.
you said you are not excusing what you are doing...you are not but there are many reasons to convince yourself to stay with him but there are equally as many reasons to stop the relationship. you know what's best for youself and for him. Tell him what you expect and want out this relationship and if he can't fulfill, what next for youself? We deserve better dont you think...Imagine if your best friend is in the same situation, what would you say to her?
2006-12-03 13:41:05 · answer #1 · answered by labrin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Affairs rarely end well for anybody involved. He obviously has no intention of leaving his wife and even if he did leave her for u could u accept part of the blame for the broken down marriage , the wife losing her husband and the children losing their father? Also if he did leave her and go to u what makes u so sure he wouldnt do exactly the same thing to u? This man is weak. He is too weak to get himself out of a loveless marriage( if that is what it is), he is too weak to tell his wife he wants to sleep with someone else and basically like most men he wants his cake and he wants to eat it too. As hard as it may be to do so heed ur lovers adviceand dont put ur life on hold for him. i think u need to move on and find a SINGLE man who u can click with in the way u have clicked with this MARRIED man. If u dont feel ur ready to move on just yet always keep in mind that u r his good time girl (and nothing else) so just have him as ur good time boy if u r going to keep on seeing him.
2006-12-03 21:03:44 · answer #2 · answered by suzi Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a nowhere situation for you. You will be the one to get hurt in the long run. If you seriously want advice, then break it off now. You'll never meet your soul mate while you're with him.
If he really wanted to be with you, he would. People get divorced everyday and don't lose their kids. It's an excuse.
Trade roles with his wife. You're now married to him and find out that he's been cheating on you. He might be a nice guy, but he's taken.
2006-12-03 21:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by irish_yankee51 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow he's really brainwashed you good. ok so you want to spend the reat of your life with him and you want to have a family. but he is married and has a family so whats to stop him from repeating these same steps with you in the future. you're the other woman sweetie and of course he's going to treat you good, why wouldnt he. you have fun and have great sex. if either one of those things changes he'll be back to doing what he's doing now. cheating on his wife and he may love his kids but maybe he should be home with them when's he's out with you. but hey do what you do just dont get caught up in having this steamy affair so much that it clouds your judgement
2006-12-03 20:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there are children envoled so its best he gets a divorce but he 's not commited he getting the best of both world leaving both of you hurt in the process plus the children think? but if it's that good then yall should dont it right he get the divorce split custody of the children and then he can be with you and get what he wants you, his kids, and he can avoid a horrible situation but before that ask yorself is it lust?
2006-12-03 21:26:15 · answer #5 · answered by Lovely cryz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LMFAO this is wrong in so many levels..Ok, if you feel deep inside of you that this is right, then by all means go for it. Just remember that you will be mentally damaging his children but w.e maybe god is testing you or something
2006-12-03 20:55:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been there right where you are know,i was seeing this guy he was married but we got along so well its like we were meant to be ,he had kids little kids and thats why he could not leave her.he told me he did not love her anymore ,he said he loved me and he wanted to be with me well we seen each other when he could sneak out ,he would drive her car to my house .at first it did not bother me but one day i saw her and it just hit me he was not going to leave her and i knew it could never be a normal relationship so i ended it.never again will i date a married man
2006-12-03 21:03:10 · answer #7 · answered by dede2772 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I can't preach,I can't answer . But I will say this much, stop putting the adultery you're comitting on God., He has nothing to do with something he has already told you is" wrong." Because ,your'e just adding to your troubles by accusing Him of making it happen. awwight.
2006-12-03 21:01:07 · answer #8 · answered by CLAIRE KC1 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Can't and won't? The handwriting is not the wall. Until his children grow up and get married you are always going to be in second place. MOVE ON!
2006-12-03 20:57:02 · answer #9 · answered by brooke992002 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
a no preaching answer...stop right now...your starting something the wrong way and if he does this to you while he is married then what if you marry him....blah blah no preaching...but really the foundation has to be right if want it to work.
2006-12-03 22:10:57 · answer #10 · answered by rhmn_i 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋