Need some advise regarding my Sister-in-Law?

Question

I'm have a really close relationship with my sister-in-law. We've been spending the last few months together everyday because she was on maternity leave and I stay home with my 6 month old son. She had complications during her pregnancy. She went on maternity leave in her 2nd month. A week ago, only 19 weeks pregnant, she was forced to be induced due to her waterbreaking. There was unfortunely nothing that could be done to save her baby. Her baby was still born. This was on Nov. 28. Since then she hasn't called me or come over one time. My feeling needless to say are hurt. Then my husbands grandma told me its because she doesnt want to be around my son, she says its too hard. Is it wrong that I am upset with her about this. I feel like the loss of her baby is now being taken out on my son. I need some advise please. I dont know what I should do. I feel guilty for being angry with her because of her loss, but cant seem to get over the fact that its my son that is loosing out now.

Answer 1

I agree, go see her. But leave the baby with your parents. Give her some time. Please. She loves your baby. She just needs some time. Have a heart. Be understanding. She'll come around. Your baby doesn't understand what is going on. He only knows love. She loves him. Don't make a big deal out of it. Let her heal

Answer 2

It has nothing to do with just "your son". She is going through an emotional time right now and you really sould not be mad at her. Try to put yourself in her shoes, its hard until it actually happens to you, but think about how you would feel if you just lost a baby also. You would probably be feeling the same way she does, not wanting to be around any babies. You should atleast give her some time to deal with her emotions then give her a call to find out how she is doing. Dont even bring up the fact that you know why she has not been talking to you. You never know she may be feeling as bad as you are about the situation, like she may feel bad for feeling this way towards you. Step up to the plate and be a bigger person and call her to see how she is feeling.

Answer 3

Did you ring her or see her at all? She needs you now so maybe you could leave your son at home with your husband and visit her. That way she's got your support without having to see your son. It's nothing personal about your son, but seeing him would only just make everything resurface for her. You need to let her deal with her emotions and then introduce her to your son because whilst she's still really vulnerable your son will make it worse.

Answer 4

Well i know how it feels to lose a child. I didnt want to be around other babies because it was very depressing. I couldnt go down the isle in the grocery store that had pampers. It was hard to see women with babies. It was her first child and she is hurting.Give her some time to get over the loss of her child. You can alway go over to her house alone. Give her time to get herself together before she spend time with your son or in your house.

Answer 5

my goodness, give the poor girl some time to grieve for her loss. She will come around soon, but you need to respect her enough to give her the time she needs to deal with her loss.. Your son is not suffering, he is only 6 months old he doesn't know, it's really you that feels left out, just get over yourself and let her grieve. This is very selfish on your part.

Answer 6

Your anger is getting the best of you because you miss her. Try putting yourself in her shoes. I guarantee you'll feel different. Something in her died and it's as serious as losing a loved one. Right now she is grieving and seeing your son makes it worse and not that she is taking it out on your son, she is being reminded of the baby she could have had. Instead of being upset, give her a call and reach out to her. For all you know, she is drowning in her sorrows and does not want to burden any of her loved ones.

Answer 7

Firstly I'm really sorry to hear this.
I don't think it is your son directly.Think about how she may feel about what has not long happened. She is probably very traumatised, hurt, upset, angry jealous etc. I'm not sure how to say this without offending you. I think you should respect her feelings at the moment this has to be a very hard time for her right now put yourself in her shoes to get a little more perspective on the matter. If i have offended you please accept my sincerest of apologies.

Answer 8

Try to understand her, she is in all her right to feel like she is feeling right now, what she needs is your support, is totally normal that she prefers to stay away until she feels is ready to see your baby, not because she hates him, but seen him just will remind her what her baby would've been. Don't make thinks worst and hard for her and her family, sometimes is better to be more understanding about other peoples feelings and not yours, which are totally unfounded. She doesn't hate your baby, she just needs some time alone.

Answer 9

Give her time to grieve and be there to support her. Visit her without your son to begin with and show her that you are there for her as a shoulder to cry on. In time she will perhaps see your son as a surrogate for the child she lost. Grief affects people in different ways and she feels the hurt that you have a healthy and alive son while she doesn't. She feels guilt that she couldn't help her child and jealousy that you have yours. Give her time and think about how you would feel in her position.

Answer 10

Stop being mad at her, she is reacting the only way she knows how. What you have to do is reach out to her, and if she does not respond right away, then just give her time. Remember she is still grieving, and we each grieve differently! Send her a card, telling her that you are thinking of her, and you are missing your talks, and when ever she wants to talk, you are their for her!