My boyfriend is an Atheist and I am a converted Catholic. How am I supposed to deal with religious holidays?

Question

I'm a very strict Catholic, but not a zealot. However, I take holidays very seriously and attend Mass on every Holy Day of Obligation. My boyfriend, who I met before I converted, is very understanding except in how he wants to celebrate various holidays, like Christmas. As we are getting married within the year, I would like to have this issue resolved.

Answer 1

You should discuss this with him, as religion seems more important to you it would make sense if he went along with your wishes on this. There is no reason while you can't attend service etc then meet up with him later, explain wwhy it is important. You should also discuss how you are going to raise your chldren, I know it can be hard but if your honest and open you can work this out. Ask God for help and I'm sure it will be delivered, I will pray for you tonight.

Answer 2

Christmas is a marketing tool.. Look at the figures of what type of new things are released at what time of the year: its always holidays. They raise their prices for a few months, let the propaganda sink in that the more you spend, the better person you are. It doesnt take a genius to figure out that Christmas is no doubt just a way for stores and businesses to reap massive profits for a few months of the year. Christmas wasnt even around until the early 1200's, when the idea came about. It was made to spread Christian pride, and make people believe the more you spend at Christmas, the more you donate, the more you do, the better Christian you are. Take a look at the business records of ANY company in America, (some will let you), december is THE month that they make most profit. Watch TV during the holidays - you will not be able to ignore the amounts of numbers, deals and prices being thrown at you on the screen, the red white and blue, all candy-coated with a nice Christian spirit of a holdiay about giving things. Yeah, -giving- businesses your money based on a fake premise. And STILL, people wonder why America is the richest country in the world...

Answer 3

I'm sure you don't expect him to attend Mass, and he probably won't try to block you from going. I guess the question is really not so much about attending religious services, but about how each of you plans to celebrate Christmas in other ways. Probably you would like to share some of the other non-religious aspects together, such as tree-trimming, carolling, sending out holiday/Christmas cards. Why don't you sit down together and each make a list of what you like and expect from Christmas. Agree on the areas that you won't share like Mass, and discuss the rest. See if you can come up with a plan for how you would script Christmas. For example, what day would Christmas dinner be held on and where would it be? When do you plan to open the presents? Those matters can probably be solved pretty easily, as you are both probably pretty flexible people. What you'll have left are some other questions that might need some work, such as - do you read the Christmas story in your home on Christmas Eve or discuss the birth of Christ? What kind of moral issues can you agree on that might be brought into the story of Christmas?
I think even a non-believer can benefit from listening to and discussing stories from the Bible or any major book of another religion, as long as discussions are not allowed to become a springboard for heated religious arguments. You two will have to set the ground rules.
I doubt the other holidays will be so difficult. As another poster mentioned, you might want to discuss how you intend to raise your children. Will you give them a choice? It might be wise to discuss that after Christmas, just in case a serious discussion breaks out, that could put a damper on your holiday spirits.

Answer 4

You should continue to celebrate your holiday, if he chooses to he can celebrate them with you, only without the ritualistic aspects which accompany them. It's really something that the two of you should work out soon before you entere into a marriage. I don't typically quote the bible, but there's a passage in there that refers to 'being unequally yoked' which refers to this very situation.

If the two of you can devise some method of compromise for how you're going to observe these situations, congratulations, if not, then it's going to be a difficult situation for years to come.

But, if he chooses not to celebrate the holidays with you. Then it wouldn't be wise to try to force the situation or get upset about it, since you're well aware of this and the repercussions of it.

Good Luck with this.

Answer 5

And it's a very important issue that should be resolved before you get married. Don't change your beliefs to accommodate his, celebrate the holidays in the manner that feels right to you. Listen to your own soul and follow your own truth. You know in your own heart what your righteous way is. Remember, it's about you, not him, and vice versa. Maybe someday he'll convert, too.

Merry Christmas!

Answer 6

I’m an atheist and my wife was raised fundamentalist Christian. I’m also white and she’s black. Her family is fundamentalist but very much infused with love (albeit, some of the hell and sin stuff is there). My wife was my greatest role model – despite her upbringing, she was incredibly unattached to belief systems and open to all opinions and beliefs. She never engaged in any debate about religion, realizing it wasn’t that important (except if someone was suffering from the results of a belief). I found out that I was into this special identity (the intellectual atheist or someone with a different belief system) and realized (finally) that all this attachment to belief and non-belief ON MY PART was the issue. I realized I was separating myself based on my attachment and identity so … it hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized how much I loved my extended family and how it didn’t matter how they celebrated things. I went to their church services and really enjoyed them -- and finally got over seeing myself as this intellectual atheistic observer, separate from the rituals and others in order to ensure I didn’t compromise myself. I participated and realized it wasn’t important to analyze and parse each and every friggin thing. I now love Christmas and being around them. I finally did the same thing with my parents (fundamentalist Catholics) and realized that arguing over religion and trying to establish my identity is silly – it’s all about the love underneath that’s important. So … my advice: this is all a process. While I don’t want my kids raised with the concept of hell and sin, I also realize that the love of my inlaws is there and, most importantly, the love of my wife. Your BF will realize the same as long as your love is there, too. My wife had to put up some of my ego tantrums on this subject – with her wise and empathetic and very human interactions with me helping me to see that I was making a big deal out of nothing. The bottom line is that it’s all about people – and if you can keep the fact that your love for your BF is what’s important and he can gradually see that the community and connection w/ people on holidays – regardless of the rituals – is important, then cool …

Answer 7

Honestly, I dont want to sound harsh or anything but if you are a strict catholic then you know about being "unequally yoked" which kinda means you shouldnt marry someone with such opposite view points, but you love him so I totally understand, and seriously the only way to resolve this issue is to sit and talk it out with him, before the wedding...are you thinking about having kids? if yes, how will you raise them? atheist? catholic? you see what I am saying? I wish you the best of luck and I hope you guys can work it all out and have a happy marriage...good luck

Answer 8

You could save yourself a lot of trouble by waking up to the fact that you believe in fairy tales. Besides which, as a woman, why in the hell would you convert to Catholicism? Are you aware of Catholic history and it's treatment of women?

Answer 9

I would love to help you but I cannot offer adice without more information. For example; how does your boyfriend want to celebrate religous holidays, such as Christmas, that is different from your way?

Feel free to email me privately if you like.

Answer 10

If he can deal with you doing your thing then I don't see a problem with it

However, He should not try to change your point of views and you should not try to change his

In time all will work out
or maybe it wont
there is the saying of unequally yoked