Got engaged in may, but partner wont tell his family?

Question

He wont tell his family cos they may think its to quick,we met in march,engaged in may,This is now dec and they still dont know !!!everytime i go to his parents house,i ave to take my ring off cos i dont want them asking me things,he keeps saying in time we will tell them , one of my mates says he is not proud of me? not sure wat to think now?
please help

we are both 19, he has a brother who is older that got engaged and parents were really happy for them,am female and he is male,so were not same sex.
it feels so right up until the point i think about why he wont tell anyone,
we spend most of our time togther,and nothing really gets spoken about a wedding,i wouldnt marry him for a few years yet,seen to many people get hurt.
thanks peeps

Answer 1

If you are doing exactly what you are saying, i.e. taking off your ring in his parents' presence etc., then you (both of you) are absolutely immature to even get married in the first place.

Grow up, kids!

Answer 2

having gotten engaged in May - it is now 6 months since he proposed - so MORE than enought time for him to have told his family.
how old are you both?
for some people - the time frame would be too quick - for others not at all. I got married 6 months after our first date & had only met my man briefly 2/3 times before that - he was a work mate of a friend.
regardless of how long you have known someone there are NO Garauntees as to how the relationship works out - it takes both parties working toward a common goal; open communication; compromise; accepting each other's differences ; not trying to change the other person.
personally - if my man was taking so long to tell his family of our engagement I would be questioning just how sincere he was in his supposed love for me
Also if he is not prepared to face a possible negative re-action from his family - I would wonder at just how mature he really is. Maturity does not necessarily have anything to do with age

if he is not prepared to speek up NOW - then you really need to dod some serious thinking abotu your relationship

Answer 3

Oh stuff em !!

I luvs ya !!!

Bless ur little heart for going thru this for him.

Does he deserve u is a better question than some asked here.

u obviously love him and don't want to hear dump him hunny !!!!

u will have to work this thru together and to be honest, what difference does it make. R his parents accepting of u generally. if they knew what we know, maybe they would really be proud of u for it!

i think he loves u but it sounds as if u r young, really young. i respect him because he does not want to upset his parents. that is a quality not a vice !!

come on, u go to his house so u r an item. My ex fiancee was not allowed within 5 miles of their home!!!! even to this day !!

sometimes 'in laws' can be a problem. If u r both strong enough and enough in love, which it sounds like, u should survive. I wish u every happiness and really hope it all works out fantastically for u both. Why r some people so quick to stick the knife in other peoples' relationship. To be honest also, my ex and I never got married but we shared a special love. i still love her. we r still the best of friends and my daughter lives with her.

good luck.

grow stronger
and wiser,
more deeply in love,
together,
more special to each other,
with each passing day,
forever.

Answer 4

give him an ultimatum.

either you wear your ring ALL THE TIME including round his parents or not at all.

if you have been engaged all that time it shows that time has passed and you are still together.

either he wants to marry you or he doesnt. and if you have to take your ring off its not looking good. he should be proud (especially as its now dec not may) - i could have seen where he was coming from in may and in the real world yes, it could look like a bit of a rush job

but now time has passed like i say so really thats not a viable excuse anymore.

christmas is a perfect time to tell them.- they dont have to know when it happened do they, but as long as they are told, thats the main thing

good luck

Answer 5

You should tell him that if he doesn't want to tell his parents, then he should take back the ring until he's ready. It can be hard on a guy, but at the same time you can't really enjoy your engagment until the family knows. Also, if he's just nervous then offer to go with him. He may feel more comfortable if you are with him.

Answer 6

why the rush to get married?

for all of you who say that he is controlled by his family, he might just respect their opinion, and believe himself that this is too fast. I know that time is no guarantee, but the chances of staying together are far greater if you take your time. You're still in the honeymoon phase of this relationship.

I've been with my guy for almost 2 years, and I like to think we take our time, and are really laying the groundwork for living together, and marriage.

The issue that you raised is his parents, but you should be looking at your relationship, the guy, and what exactly you are looking for.

As you said yourself "i ave to take my ring off cos i dont want them asking me things". Besides being horribly spelt and articulated, you make no mention that it is your guy who makes you do this. Please re-examine this, and maybe look at the ring as a promise ring, instead of an engagement ring, or give it back.

Answer 7

I had the same problem with my husband, he is an only child and I think he was just scared of what they would think, we met in Nov 04 and got engaged Dec 04, he parents found out in Jan 06 because thats when we bought our house. I am the one who officially told them, the week before the wedding his mom was like you know Jonathan still hasn't told me himself your two are getting married. As for advice, I don't have any because I didn't know what to do either, I just hopes it all works out

Answer 8

He is still more concerned about what his family will say and under their thumb and is so immature so be careful. I would suggest that you are both too young and immature to get married. You really should leave it a lot longer getting to know each other and wait until he is as eager for you as youare for him. It could also be that he is stringing youalong. Take care.

PS I am a bloke so I have come from the man's perspective.

Answer 9

You should be asking your boyfriend why?

Being too quick is a cop out, a convenient excuse that suits him, & one that you have agreed with until now.

I think you need to know now why he won't tell his parents. Your not even married yet, & you can't resolve this.

Ask yourself this. What is your boyfriend going to do when real problems occur when you are married? Is he going to talk with you, & work with you to resolve them. Or is going to come with an excuse, & bury his head in the sand, pretend they don't exist?

I think don't wish to put a downer on your hopes & dreams, but this is could be the beginning of the end.

The one you want to marry should be proud of you, want to show you off to the whole world, as if to say 'this is the girl I am going to marry, she is mine'.He can't even tell his parents that!

I wish you luck.

Answer 10

hi, if he asked you to get engaged without any promting from you then he should tell his parents. you said you weren't rushing in to anything and wanted to wait until you got married, but you should have a heart to heart with him and see if he wants the same things as you do, then when you are feeling more secure and know your plans for the future tell his parents so they can see you have thought things through, but to me it sounds like you are a little insecure about your relationship tell him how you are feeling and see if he can put your mind at rest, if not and he still acts weird about telling them maybe you should ask around there must be a reason he is keeping from you...good luck i hope everyone is happy for you

Answer 11

I think a lot of people (especially younger people) get engaged because they think it is the "next step" in a serious relationship. They don't get married, they just get engaged.

Engagement is not the next step in a relationship. If you truly want to get married, then get married. Engagement should just be the period between deciding to get married and the time it takes to organise the wedding.

If he is not telling his parents that you are getting married then he doesn't want to get married yet.

Ask him to set a date (in around 6 months to a year's time) that should give you enough time to organise the wedding. If he declines then you have your answer.