His parents don't approve of the wedding because he's iranian and im american. They seem to be very conservative in values so I think they would approve even less of him shacking up with me.
My fiance hasn't wanted to call them and tell them a specific time for the wedding or for that matter set a specific time for the wedding.
They're coming in the middle of this month for a visit.
So should I insist he chooses one of the options:
1. He calls up his mom and dad with the date.
2. I move in and they become horrified that we're shacking up.
3. He doesn't choose either and I leave....
2006-12-03 10:52:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
DO NOT move in with him unless or until you are married. HOLD on to your autonomy, your boundries until then (speaking from experience) Your fiance doesn't seem to have healthy communication with his parents. To me.......that would be an indication of his future communications skills with you and a really big RED flag. Also, as a side note......men do not respond well to ultimatums. If his folks are visiting and you want to marry this man......than receive them with grace and be ready to hold your tongue while they visit.
2006-12-03 11:10:40 · answer #1 · answered by Janet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't move in! If he is this hesitant about setting a time, he may never do it. Since his family has such conservative values then you know that's what he was brought up with.
I think if you move in, subconsciously you will become less worthy of a woman to him and he will be less likely to marry you because, deep down, he'll feel like his parents do.
Wait until after his parents visit. See how he treats you in front of them. Is he respectful and proud of you? Or does he show you less respect with them around? He may be less physical out of respect for them so don't let that worry you. But he should include you since you will soon be part of him when/if you marry.
When his parents leave tell him it's time to set a date for marriage. If he still hesitates, then I don't think he really wants to marry you. I'd move on and find a guy who appreciates and respects you.
2006-12-03 19:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by honey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Relationships are hard enough and to add parental issues on top of it, makes it very hard. Men seem to have a feeling of obligation to their parents and do not ever want to let them down. I do not think his hesitation has anything to do with his feelings for you, but rather a feeling that he will be letting his parents down. That said, if he is marrying YOU, you come first. He needs to reevaluate his priorities and if he wants to be with you, he has to do what he feels is right. If he is comfortable with your decision to get married and your decision to move in together, he has to stand up to his parents and tell them that these are the decisions he is making and they have to trust that they raised him right and raised him to make the right decisions and thus they have to respect the decisions that he makes. You cant go on like this. It isnt fair to you because it is adding a stress to the relationship that doesnt need to be there. He absolutely needs to have a conversation with them before they come out here - or write them a letter/email if he wants to do it in writing to better communicate his thoughts - but he needs to do something before the visit.
It is a very hard balance but they really have to trust in the fact that they raised him right and gave him the right foundation to live his own life, and he needs to tell them that they need to respect that. Ultimately, this relationship just consists of you and him and you too are going to be partners and you cannot have that work if he doesnt draw the line with them and outline what they can and cannot say or ask for. You have to do what is right for you two as a couple and if he cant do that - then you might have to consider walking away because it will be a perpetual issue.
Good Luck
2006-12-03 19:01:05 · answer #3 · answered by Smiles :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My sister has been with her man for about 7 yrs. His family is from Pakistan and had the same reaction. Give it time. When they see that their son is happy, they will have to accept it and let you in. Do not pry. Ask for assistance in helping with the wedding arrangements. Give them room to incorporate their customs and traditions to aide you in the whole process. Hold off in moving in. I say that only because I am fairtly young and going through court with my ex fiance for our house and several othe rthings now. I wish I would've waited. You will spend the rest of your lives together so whats a few months longer until after the wedding?
2006-12-03 18:58:33 · answer #4 · answered by James C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is ridiculous!! Ofcourse you should move in together! If you are old enough & responsible enough to decide to get engaged - then you shoudl be able to live together prior to getting married. I understand how parents can affect a relationship, biut don't let them wreck what you have. I say chose number 1 & 2 - if his parents don't approve well that is there fault - they're missing out on thier sons big day. You should definately live together before getting married though - it takes alot of getting used to. You shouldn't leave him because of this....try to work things out.
2006-12-03 19:02:35 · answer #5 · answered by bellajezz 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Option 3 is not it unless maybe its just not working out like you want it 2.
I would talk to him about option 1 and tell him how you feel.
You two need to stick together on this and try to win his parents over.
2006-12-03 19:02:56 · answer #6 · answered by nickelback726 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you're an adult. It shouldn't matter what your parents think. If you are truly in love with your fiance, marry him. Secondly, if he is your fiance, you should by now feel comfortable living with him. Besides, you'll be married soon, so I'm hoping you DO move in together. Good luck!
2006-12-03 18:57:45 · answer #7 · answered by 09 _ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i dont think u should move in wit him and freak out his parents. that is prolly one of the last things u want to do. just have him call them and give them the date and everything and just leave it alone and just wait til after the wedding day to move in together. i bet his family would appreciate that alot more and treat u better if u kinda of listen to how there culture is... hope wat i said helps and GOOD LUCK
2006-12-03 18:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by kaity_cutie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing like another kick in the face to AMERICAN people when you turn to the people of the sand.If you wanna move in with him go to his home country .
2006-12-03 18:57:48 · answer #9 · answered by slp9209 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you both are of legal age.....then go ahead and do what you want........it will be their loss if they decide to stay away.but that is their decision, tell them how it is going to be and that is final..either accept it or oh well.wouldn't they love to see their grandchildren one day...you cant help who you fall in love with, im sure there was something someone didnt like about their partner either....but still they married.
2006-12-03 18:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by lisa b 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋