How important is chemistry?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been dating a year, and the more time goes on the more frustrated I become with our one complete disconnect. It's like we speak two completely different languages--I'm tactile, he's verbal. He'll compliment me profusely on my beauty and other aspects, but I don't believe them if actions do not follow--it is not uncommon for us to go a month without even kissing each other. Conversely, he's confused why I am so physical--and often makes teases me because of it. I do feel shallow for being so frustrated, but it's becoming undeniable that chemistry is very important to me. We've never even had a fight, which I would love just as a revelation of passion!

Is it worth it to even try to work on it--or should it chemistry just naturally be present? Can chemistry be created?

Answer 1

A little soul-searching about YOURSELF would go a long way to resolve your issues.

Maybe you're becoming a little over-physical. That can scare a man, especially if he has had some disappointing sexual experiences in the past. Is your strong desire to be physical making him nervous that he may not be able to perform to your expectations?

Has he experienced impotence with you? Or premature ejaculation? That could indicate lack of sexual confidence. And you're probably making it worse for him by your (unintended) "aggresiveness". Perhaps that's why he avoids becoming too physical for fear of ridicule, and prefers to keep it platonic and safe. I mention this as you have said "it is not uncommon for us to go a month without even kissing each other".

I know neither your age and previous sexual experience, nor his. I understand your need to be sexually satisfied. And you do have a strong urge, which is also very normal. But I think if you want to bring about a change in your boyfriend, you might need to change your own approach or tactic. You will need to reassure him that sex with him is something you want and will enjoy. You will need to tell him that for most couples it doesn't happen perfectly the first time, or even for the first few attempts. And working together on making it beautiful is half the fun in the relationship. I think he needs that reraasurance. Give it, and it will go a long way to improve things between you.

Take him step by step. To begin with tell him that just lying naked together is what you want. Things will happen. And if they don't, assure him you understand, and will work with him to help overcome his diffidence.

But whatever you do, don't show your frustration. It will only drive him away.

I'm sorry I haven't been able to give a simple magical recipe in answer to your query, but I don't think one exists. If you want this relationship to be saved, that is.