The talking back 'smarting off' is just too much. What am I, or his mother to do?
2006-12-03 10:19:41 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
wash his mouth out with soap 3 times till he says hes sorry. my younger sis doesn't do it any more when my mother made her do it to her or sometime you have to spank them..srry but they'll turn out better
2006-12-03 10:24:34 · answer #1 · answered by mischa m 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lots of good suggestions, my addition:
Create consequences for this behavior (removing favorite toys, games, etc. - or assign extra chores, whatever) explain that the behavior is not acceptable, and that it will always have consequences. I'd suggest this conversation take place in a non-emotional, considered sort of way that is removed from the immediate behavior. "Son, come sit down, your mother and I want to talk to you. We have decided that the "smarting off" that you are doing is not acceptable, we have considered what we wish to do about it and have decided that the consequences for this behavior in the future will be..."
Be sure he understands that the CONSEQUENCES are a direct result of the unacceptable BEHAVIOR. Be consistant in enforcing the consequences in a non-angry way. "OK, you did this thing, now here are the consequences. That way he is choosing the consequence along with the behavior." Truthfully, he'll probably still choose to mouth off sometimes, but there's a bigger lesson here.
And don't react to the smarting off. That's exactly what he wants. If he can get you riled, he's controlling you and it makes him feel more powerful.
Best wishes!
2006-12-03 10:40:51 · answer #2 · answered by heart o' gold 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU don't do anything. You let the child's mother handle it. Honestly, the child is acting out in a normal way to a very big change in his life. A little family counceling couldn't hurt. Or at the very least, the child needs a councelor, even if no one else goes.
Tell your wife that it really bothers you when he talks back. But also know that you have to give respect to get respect. Although this child's mouthiness is annoying and disruptive to the family, you need to understand that the child is confused and this is how children act out their feelings. So take a deep breath, take a step back, and have a very honest conversation with your wife about how to handle the situation.
I wish the best of luck for your family and hope that, in time, things will get smoother.
2006-12-03 10:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by Megan V 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is to mischa m - do NOT wash out a child's mouth with soap. A mother did that once and the child died from an allergic reaction!!!
Tell the 8 year old how much it hurts to be spoken to in such a mean way. Maybe he will understand. Don't respond to him because I think he is trying to get a rise out of both of you because he is upset at the situation. You could also try an 8 minute time-out every time he is rude to you. Go to www.drphil.com and send a message for advice about what to do. Good luck.
2006-12-03 10:31:53 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. G. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well the first thing is, you, the step-parent does not do the disciplining, you and his mother become a united force, and you back her up. you need to work out the rules, boundaries, and consequences between the two of you...and write them down to be posted...oh yeah, keep a copy in case junior decides to make it disappear. you have a family meeting and discuss the rules, boundaries and consequences. ask junior if he understands, and if he has any questions. try not to have being grounded a part of your consequences, unless you are prepared to be grounded with the kid.
learn how to use pre-praise..."junior, it's time to take out the trash. i know you're going to do a great job remembering to bring the trash can back to the kitchen." or something to that effect. always catch kids in the act of doing something good rather than seeing everything they do that's negative. be consistent...say what you mean, and mean what you say. kids crave consistent rules and boundaries. it makes them feel safe and loved. step-dad should spend time bonding with and having fun with the kid. don't be a push-over though. there's bound to be some testing of the waters. just remember to keep a united front. best of luck to you.
2006-12-03 10:48:14 · answer #5 · answered by pirate00girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on what you believe in.If you are his step-dad,then you can't hit him,but his mother can.8 is kind of old to be hitting him though.If he has an IPOD, PSP,PS2,a cellphone, access to a computer or something that he likes ,then you can take it away for a week or so.That way,whenever he thinks about mouthing off,he'll remember that he doesn't have the item and choose to not to do anything that will keep him from getting it back.
2006-12-03 10:39:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Consistant guidence and love helps.
Your the adults, so it's time to take charge!
Make a list of chores for him to do daily.............don't go overboard because your upset right now.
Stick to the chores and rules. Don't back down and let him slide.
When he ignores the rules and chores, start taking away any and all privliges. Don't give in or give them back either until he starts showing respect. You also have to show respect in order to receive it.
Show him the love he needs. Sounds like he's acting out because maybe all of moms attention is on you and she's neglecting the bonding and love he needs to grow into a decent adult.
How about handing out a few more huigs yourself.
2006-12-03 10:27:05 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and tell him that "smart mouthing" is NOT cute, and that you are not proud of him at that moment. Let him know in no uncertainterms that you will not tolerate disrespect. There will have to be consequences if he continues to do it. Personally, I still believe in tanning their behind, but if that's not an option for you, you can confine him to his room WITHOUT the tv or video games or whatever his favorite thing is for starters. One thing that worked well for me was to refuse to speak to them for a period of time - anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour usually would do it. He may possibly be responding to cues from his natural father that he doesn't have to respect you, in which case, his mother and you MUST be in the same corner and let him know that is not the case.
2006-12-03 10:28:43 · answer #8 · answered by nana 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would nip it in the bud now sit him down and explain that lack of respect by mouthing off is unacceptable and consequences will follow such as taking away his computer/ps2 or whatever and physically removing it from his room and imform him that when he can be civil he can earn these things back he wont like it one bit but believe me when the room gets totally stripped of all his favorite things including cell phone if he has one he will think twice before mouthing off again!!! good luck!!!
2006-12-03 10:28:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
when he smarts off take him to his room and be firm when speaking to him let him know that you will no longer be tolerating him acting this way.then take a privilege from him or take away something he likes. let him know that he wont be getting it back until he can learn to have respect for everyone in the house.but when he does some thing good make sure you let him know that you are proud of him.when he is good give him a special day out with you and your wife.
2006-12-03 10:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Calmly tell him that he is banned from playing his electronic game for the entire week. Taking something away from him for a week will make him think. Getting upset and showing a lot of negative emotion will just make him happy. Show him you are a cool dad who cares enough about him to punish him nonviolently...)(
2006-12-03 10:25:18 · answer #11 · answered by MissKathleen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋