my 7yo twin son only plays with girls and acts and talks like a girl ..Should i be seeking help professionally

Question

My husband and i split up a year ago and he had worsened since that......his identical twin brother is totally the opposite,since he was 3 he started acting like a girl ,i was quite ill for the first 5 years of there life and their grandmother(my ex's mother) was taking care of them a fair bit and she used to buy him girl things etc etc and now he has worsened and im alone to cope with this..

Answer 1

Your son is only seven years old. I would wait and let your son be himself. If he shows signs of femininity later in his teens are you going to love him less? He doesn't need professional help at all. Why is it when a child shows signs of being different parents want to send them to a "Professional". Please don't do that to your son. If he shows signs of wanting to kill things then seek help!

Answer 2

Well if there are a majority of females in his life, that could be the reason as to why he acts the way he does. If he actually does have an ample amount of males in his life to connect with then this would most likely mean that relating to females is what he is more comfortable with. I would say don't put any force on him as to what is right and wrong, just talk to him in regards to what he feels about the situation. Get a grasp on what he thinks. Honestly "professional" help is not going to be very helpful... for 9 times out of 10, if he is feeling this way now, then that is his personal preference. A bond that he could most likely grow with. Then again it may very well be a phase. Either way, don't push him, let him grow up how he feels he wants to.

Answer 3

I know someone else with a son the same age who is dealing with this issue. His family, which includes a marriage & family therapist, is looking into the topic of gender identity disorder. It does exist, and can be addressed and changed if that is what you are looking for. I will tell you ahead of time that it often begins with looking at parenting styles (not to be critical, but to see if that could have anything to do with it at all), and then delves into your child's own development (social and emotional, as well as physical). In my own interaction with this child, I have to continually try to direct him to "boyish" behavior and to let him know how special it is to be made a boy. My husband also is intentional about how he interacts with him, hoping to impart a sense of masculinity. (Obviously, from my comments, you can see that I lean toward keeping boys masculine and girls feminine. I do know that many would disagree with me.)

Another family I know is also dealing with this issue, only it is thoroughly a result of a physical disorder relating to hormones. Their son, if he is to enter into male puberty later on, will have to undergo treatment. Otherwise, he will not develop as a mature male (facial hair, etc.), and will actually begin to have some female characteristics (breast, no facial hair, etc.). He is at an age now where his physical issues are affecting his socialization issues.

I'd check into either one of those. Finally, a book that might be helpful (at least as a resource to lead you to more help) is Dr. James Dobson's book called Bringing Up Boys. It is a good one, and really helped me personally in my understanding of a good boyhood (and in helping me not give into my tendency to always coddle and comfort the boys in my care). I'm not saying that you have that problem, but am saying that his book is a good resource for any parent or caregiver of boys.

I hope this helps you in some way.

Answer 4

my 7yo stepson dose the same thing I tell him not to act like that, but he plays with his cousins who are 13 and 15yo girls. I am worried that he will be gay b/c he acts like a girl sometime. I do feel that his bio mom baby's the hell out of him and I hate baby talk. I would have them get involve with the big brother program.

Answer 5

I can see why you are concerned. You could try to put him into sports like t-ball, soccer. mostly boy sports. my son is 6 and he acted a little effeminate also and I was starting to be concerned for him but he seems to be growing out of it. Typically boys around5-7 start to gravitate to other boys to hang out with. You could also try to get him a male mentor to teach him how to be more masculine. If children are left to "be themselves" they will be lost. that approach just doesn't work. A 7 year old doesn't know and can't know anything unless someone teaches them. Kids are influenced by their environment. You could encourage him to play with other boys just one on one to start off with so your son isn't intimidated by a group of boys. Also encourage rough housing of play fighting. This is a good way to get his testosterone going just make sure you can calm him down again.
good luck
Annetm2

Answer 6

You know all that family stuff u were talking about thats probally a little bit of the issue, if i were u id make him talk, 7 is not a young age, so just seriously talk to him n make him answer. n make sure ur other twin wont catch on (i am pretty sure he wont but just to make sure)

Answer 7

no, he'll grow out of it. Just like girls are tomboys sometimes, you can have the reverse with a boy. It is NO big deal. . . unless you make it one.

Answer 8

For what? To reinforce the fact that you think he's different? As long as he isn't mean hearted why are you trying to change him?

Let him be himself...it can't be that hard.

Answer 9

for what he's 7. Sometimes my 7yr old daughter acts like a boy and I don't think much about it. let him be!!

Answer 10

you sould talk to him about it and see how he feels. make sure you listen. don't do all the talking. i was the same way at his age