Husband is not PC, raised by Vietnam Vet, grew up in rough neighborhoods how to tone him down at work party?

Question

He grew up and worked most of his life around people that called asians "gooks" and picked on "homos", and thinks all "towelheads" should be shot. He thinks guys that "push pencils" arn't real men, and are "p" whipped, he's a really big guy who is very strong, (ex linebacker) well educated in a management position making good money, and approaches everything with a super-masculine point of view, swears like a sailor (used to be one) . He is generous, kind and loving, and goes out of his way to help out people, he just has this narrow-minded view about how men should be, and it drives me nuts because my point of view is, so what if a guy is gay/asian/pencilpusher/"insert label here"? As long as they are not shoving it down my throat, whining about it continously, or crowing about it every five seconds like they are more important than anyone else, or killing people over it, who cares? It's their problem to deal with, not mine. How do I get him to tone it down for my company party?

Answer 1

Since I've been in a very similar situation myself, I will tell you that there is nothing you can do to make him appear to be a gentleman. It's like you yourself trying to be a kangaroo.

Explain to him that the party will be full of homosexual pinko towelheads who hate sports and only care about the Dow Jones Industrial Average, and that he would have an unpleasant evening. Then, go to the party without him.

I would further suggest that you leave him at home as often as possible. Good luck.


P.S. Stop making excuses for him. No one is going to cut him any slack for how he grew up, because, frankly, no one cares about it. They only care how he acts NOW.

Answer 2

Don't drink alcohol. That's always a bad idea at an office party. Since it's an office party, you probably won't have to stay long. If he's in management, he must have some diplomatic social skills. Just stick close by and monitor the subject at hand. Change the subject if you need to.

Answer 3

Gee, wouldn't you like to see his attitude change? How about calling one of the shows that deal with such things? Dr. Phil springs to mind. Perhaps you could help this guy move into the 21st century.

Your level of tolerance appears a bit minimal in How you phrase things, you could probably learn a thing or two yourself (as could we all). And if you approach your guy saying, "We can do better, this is an area we should really improve ourselves on," perhaps he will see a reason to change. Have you asked him to improve on this embarassing element of his personality? Is a work party the only reason to be concerned about his attitude and behavior?

How about both of you going to some multi-cultural events and giving yourselves the opportunity to learn about other people? If you expand your horizons, bigotry is likely to decrease.

Peace.

Answer 4

I'd recommend duct tape over the mouth. Probably the only way he'll behave.

Just curious -- how did an obviously intelligent girl like you end up with a Neanderthal like this?? Just because he has a degree doesn't make him 'educated.' I find that makes your situation all the sadder.

Answer 5

Make sure he slacks off on the beer or wine or other alcoholic refreshments. and tell him before you walk in the door whenever you pinch his a ss he's supposed to hush.

Pinch his a ss.

Answer 6

If he can't behave then (like a kid) you shouldn't take him. I'm betting he'd be happier not going.

Look, you can't make him into something that he's not. IF he's not willing to be polite (which included biting his lip) for the sake of your job and career, then you can't risk taking him, can you?

No spouse is perfect -- they all have faults -- and everyone just learns to work around them.