She has been a nasty, vindictive, manipulative woman to anyone she feels superior to. She has made most holidays extremely stressful for my whole family. My adult son and I are the biggest targets of her insults and venom. I am finding that the stress I am under is taking a toll on my health and marriage. This year my family has decided not to include her in our holiday festivities. In fact I do not plan to ever invite her to my house again. Now I am feeling guilty. So many times in the past I have forgiven her with out any apology coming from her. Am I doing a selfish thing by finally ending this relationship? I know you can't refuse to see certain in-laws forever but with my husbands support I plan to keep my distance whenever possible.
2006-12-03 08:46:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't blame you at all for excluding her from the family gathering. I am surprised that you hadn't before now. It would have only took her one time to be nasty to me and my family. The thing is she probably won't even realize anything is wrong. She has been at it so long that she probably doesn't realize that she is a pain in the @ss to everyone. I hope you have a PAIN free happy holiday.
2006-12-03 08:55:29 · answer #1 · answered by Donna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oof - family can sure get to you, can't they? Who else is close enough to know where you're vulnerable?
Why feel guilty for not including her? You are electing not to subject yourself to the company of someone who is insulting and mean to you and your son, which sounds reasonable.
Here's the thing - you can't control what anyone else thinks/feels/does/says. Her behavior is her choice. Your choice is not to endure her abuse. Fair enough. If she asks, you (or your husband) calmly tell her that it was clear she was very unhappy around you and your son, so rather than subject her to your company, you all decided to let her spend the holidays with people she likes. Or you say nothing.
Difficult people are so good at making the rest of us feel we "owe" it to them to put up with whatever treatment they feel like dishing out, and we should feel guilty if we don't, but look at it this way - if she wasn't your sister-in-law, if she was a coworker, or a total stranger, would you put up with her behavior? Why is it better that she's abusing you and she's family?
No, you shouldn't feel guilty. She chooses her behavior, and you choose not to subject yourself to it. Have a happy holidays!
2006-12-03 08:58:15 · answer #2 · answered by peculiarpup 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It could be a cause of drinking to much, or she is jealous that you have stolen her brother. Another cause could be she is angry about her past relationships that have gone wrong. There are many causes for such behavior. I think the best way to stop it is talk to her, if that doesn't work be warm to her. She may just be tired of being pushed away. She's family no matter how harsh, always remember she needs to be loved like any other human.
2006-12-03 08:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by Rhea 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your distance and grow a back bone against this bully, honey! Plan a wonderful holiday WITHOUT the "snake". She is enjoying upsetting everyone. She can only do this to you if you allow her to do it. YOU control your feelings, not her. Now, go and enjoy yourself without feeling guilty and let the son take care of his own house. Godloveya.
2006-12-03 10:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems to me by what you have written is you have given her plenty of chances and you even apologized and forgave her without an apology from her. You owe her nothing. Let her wallow in her misery and perhaps she will come to the conclusion that her behaviors are not acceptable and will no longer be tolerated. I say good for you, and don't think twice about it and surely do not feel bad. good luck and God bless****
2006-12-03 08:51:19 · answer #5 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have every right not to put your self into situations that she will be there to be abusive.but to be honest with you, i think it would be really wrong of the family not to invite her with out telling her the reasons why.once she knows the reasons then she may be able to change her ways, but if she is not aware of them, then she will act this way when she is invited to things you have no control over.
2006-12-03 09:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are absolutely right, just b/c she's in the family doesn't mean you have to put up with her. The problem is everyone is putting up with her and she gets away with it. Stick to your guns honey, you are right. She needs to learn you can't treat people that way. Your health and marriage are important.
2006-12-03 08:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you called her those names and in your mind with excellent reason. If you truly want Peace for your self. look after yourself first and let that woman fend for her self. would you really invite stress and hate to Christmas at your home. stop with the guilt and enjoy your self proclaimed freedom and good on you
2006-12-03 09:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh yeah they are meddling on your marriage. I extra links to suggestions that could help. each thing written is basically my very own opinion. i will possibly in no way enable my family handle my spouse the way your husband we could his family disrespect you. First, tell your husband to positioned on a dress if he should not be a guy. it quite isn't any longer your situation to make certain. they are his family and he desires to guy up and enable them to understand which you and him get to make the techniques on how your infants are raised. in the event that they could't be respectful and set obstacles on their very own, then he desires to set them for him. If he does not you're extra desirable than probably going to finally end up divorced on account which you will have no know for him, his view of your worth in the marriage or for his means to handle his family in the terrific activity of you and your infants. 2d, end permitting them to be your landlords. you may head out. If human beings get upset approximately your shifting basically thank them for all the help they presented, inspite of the undeniable fact that it's time to be grown-ups. this form you do no longer owe them something which will supply them reason to have self assurance they have a ideal to tell you what to do along with your loved ones. ultimately, your place in front of them is to consistently be respectful and polite. stay your existence they way you choose and in the event that they have objections basically smile and tell them they could communicate to your husband on the undertaking. whilst they drop off the youngsters. Take them returned to their domicile and drop them off. in the event that they attempt to make it sound like the youngsters are no longer welcome, basically enable them to understand they are inspite of the undeniable fact that it replaced into no longer a handy time. If the jobs have been reversed i could be telling you the comparable element to your fringe of the family.
2016-10-17 16:03:20 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your house /your rules thats it ...your doing something that is good for the familly...your familly ,thats all that counts ...im proud of you ,keep it up,merry xmas
2006-12-03 08:51:19 · answer #10 · answered by acierman2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋