What if a drug addict threatens suicide after you separate?

Question

My drug addict/alcohol husband and I were separated because of his abuse over the summer and then I gave him another chance. The signs of use were still there, and the emotional abuse and he abused me physically once. After kicking him out again and this time for good (after being out all night a number of times and showing lots of signs of paranoia), he has called at the wee hours of the morning the last two nights saying "Goodbye" and "I'm sorry for everything. I love you. Goodbye". he leaves messages as I'm not answering. Should I call him? I know if he came home or I was caring at all, it'd be the same thing in 2 or 3 days. I can't stand to go there again. I feel like a failure with marriage and wish I'd never met him. What if he dies?

Answer 1

Repeat after me...

"I am NOT responsible for the actions of another human."

He is trying to guilt you into taking him back. In order to be such a loser he needs someone to enable him, and you have proven to be it.

I wish I could say, "he won't do that", but if he is this weak of mind and strung out, he could. Of course, he could OD even if he came back to you.

You are better off without him, get a lawyer, take all the stuff and if kids, sue for full custody. This will either wake him or not, either way, that is HIS problem, not yours.

Good luck my dear, you have done the right thing.

Answer 2

Listed below are several insightful articles to help you understand better the situations you've described ...

DRUG ABUSE--There IS a Solution!
- Drugs--Who Takes Them?
- Why Do People Take Them?
- Drugs--There IS an Answer!
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/7/8/article_01.htm

The Drinking Trap---Are You at Risk? :
- Alcohol Misuse--A Social Catastrophe
- Alcohol Misuse and Health
- Breaking the Chains of Alcohol Abuse
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2005/10/8/article_01.htm

Suicide--Who Are Most at Risk? :
- Suicide--The Hidden Epidemic
- Given a Desire to Live
- A Sure Hope
- Risk Factors and Warning Signs
http://watchtower.org/library/g/2000/2/22/article_01.htm

Life IS Worth Living! :
- A Worldwide Problem
- Why People Give Up on Life
- You CAN Find Help!
- How Can You Help Someone Who Seems Suicidal?
- "Will God Forgive Me for Feeling This Way?"
- Have You Lost a Loved One to Suicide?
http://www.watchtower.org/library/g/2001/10/22/article_01.htm

How to Solve Problems Peacefully :
- Why They Resort to Violence
- How to Solve Problems Peacefully
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1998/11/1/article_01.htm

How Can You Make Peace With Others? :
~ Wars With Words--Why Are They Hurtful?
~ The Benefits of Making Peace
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/2005/3/1/article_01.htm

Sometimes --no matter how hard one tries-- the other party makes it impossible. That's when it's best for all concerned to 'walk out'. They'll never change until they hit 'rock bottom', or feel like they have to. No one can help them until they are first willing to help themselves. I strongly suggest you read up on the info regarding suicidal people. On occasion, a person who is not, will claim to be suicidal in an attempt to manipulate other people. Whether or not suicidal, any person displaying the behaviors you describe needs to make some drastic changes, & may need help to do so, even once they admit their problems & want to change. If you fear he may attempt suicide, call the police. Explain the basic situation. They do checks on people believed to be at risk. You might even be able to request anonymity.

Sometimes it takes motivation from an outside source ...

As far as you feeling like a failure as a wife, it isn't a wife's job to be her husband's disciplinarian ...

How to Succeed in Marriage:
- What Is Needed for a Successful Marriage?
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1999/2/15/article_02.htm

The Web site these ^ articles are on is undergoing URL modifications. These are likely to change soon, but the new URLs can be found by using Advanced search at:
http://watchtower.org/search/search_e.htm
http://watchtower.org/

Answer 3

You have to remind yourself that he has very serious emotional and psychological issues that you are not qualified to treat. He needs serious help.

My brother committed suicide because his wife threatened to leave him if he didn't stop the drugs (pain killers and abuse of anti-depressants). He took what he saw as the least painful way out of it--by ending his life.

Nothing my sister-in-law could have done would have made a differnce. He had already changed the chemical balance in his head so much, that he was hardly rational anymore.

Protect yourself at this point, and know you did all you good. Good luck. I hope everything works out.

Answer 4

Call a suicide hotline for advice - you can call them for other people not just yourself. If he sounds like he has the *intent* to attempt sucide (which he does seem to have) and also a *plan* to do so, then call 911 immediately. If you have a second phone line, try to keep him on the first line while calling 911 on the second line.

Should he attempt or complete, just remember that it is not your fault, and you can only do so much to help him. In the meantime, I suggest you seek counselling or therapy for yourself. This will help you learn to deal with the results of the marriage, and how to separate yourself from his issues.

Best wishes.

Answer 5

First of all this behaviour is called "Manipulation By Threat". He could not keep you by being a good husband or by straightening up his life, so what is left, guilt and fear. He alone is responsible for his behaviour while with you and now apart from you. It is very unlikely he will commit suicide as he is too selfish, however if he did, it would not be your fault. This is just another way for him to manipulate you into taking him back. Get as far away from such a person and live a healthy life, physically and mentally without him. You cannot help him. He has to help himself and he will not do it as long as he gets what he wants without getting help.
Signed--Licensed Nurse

Answer 6

You are not responsible for the action he does or does not take...its the drugs taking...call your local chapter of NAMI...National Alliance of the Mentally Ill..they help w/drug issues too..many mentally ill self medicate w/alcohol and/or drugs..NAMI may be able to give you some assistance...also if you know where he is..you can contact your local police..they sometimes have a police unit at deal w/people such as your husband..they have mental health professionals to help get someone in crisis to accept help....
then get some conseling for yourself..you have some healing to do...good luck

(PS..I would run as fast as I could in the opposite direction..if I had the chance)

Answer 7

First of all, you tried to help him....he failed you, you didn't fail. Now get the idea of you failing out of your head.

Second of all, many people threaten suicide as a way to gain sympathy and get back into someone's life. He needs psychological help.

In order to help him, he has to want help. If this attempt has been made to no success, it's time to completely cut him off. When he makes the suicide threat again, simply tell him goodbye and and remember to wear a speedo since it's hot in hell.

Move on with your life. You do not need his turmoil in your life.

Answer 8

I believe no one is beyond change, when that change would happen however depends on so many factors. If you really love him, you are in the best position to support him in this crisis moment of his life. It is clear that he needs help, support and genuine care. Like you guessed, without all that, anything can happen. Could you just accept him back not 'on trial' but as one you want to truly assist? Then pray for the grace to truly live with him 'for better for worse'.

Answer 9

Its a very bad situation that you're in, and very unfortunate he's putting you through this.

He's obviously psychlogically unstable, and it would be dangerous for you to try and deal with this situation. Call the authorities and send them over to deal with him if you know where he is.

HIS problems are NOT your fault. The guilt that he's putting you through hurts, and you don't hurt those you love. If he was absolutely serious he wouldn't keep calling you, (and it might be bad of me to say this, so I apologize) he'd have done it so calm your fear, BUT these are pleas for help. You can't deal with this alone, get professional help.

Answer 10

That's what a drug addict does, he manipulates.

He may do it, he may not. Either way you're not responsible for his choices. You're responsible for your own safety, and what you know he definitely WILL do is hurt you.

If he calls threatening suicide, call the police. They will check on him.

In the meantime, get help for yourself from someplace like Al-anon, where you can get advice and support from those who have been there
http://www.al-anon.org/