For better for worse?.......?

Question

These are the vows people take when they tie the knot (get married)....so if things go bad within the marriage why is that people are ready to bail out, instead of upholding those vows?..... is it too hard to do that?......or is it too much like hard work?....which is it?

Answer 1

Zenith
I don't know if you are or have ever been married but you have a wonderful vision of how it should be. However imagine you married the person of your dreams and 2 years later it turns out you cannot live for the rest of your life without sex or without love and affection or they are a complete asshole about money or they decide they wont have kids with you or they beat you and mentally torment you. Do you think that you should throw away the rest of the one life you have with them when you could bail out and find a happier future with someone else. I'm not saying that you shouldn't work at your problems but you only get one go at this life so don't blow it for a principle. You can find happiness and we all make mistakes. To err is to be human.

Answer 2

Today we live in a society where if we want something, we must have it now. We can't wait. If something new comes along, we get rid of the old, & bring in the new.

It is the same for marriages.

There are some exceptional circumstances outlined by other people already, but I would say for some it is easier to move on & find someone new rather than work at issues with a view to resolve them.

It is like disposable love. You don't make me happy anymore, I'm not going to tell you why, & try to fix it, so I'll find a new woman/man, who of course will do no wrong. Until a problem comes along & so the cycle continues.

You wish it were different, particularly if children are involved, but for some it is too much like hard work. Society is changing all the time, & not necessarily for the better.

Answer 3

The days of people actually staying together in a marriage once it hits the rocks are long gone. The ideals and morals of those who enter marriage have changed so completely in the last 30 years, as well. Society, as a whole, has been trained for instant gratification. There is no such thing as waiting for anything anymore. Want that plasma big screen tv? Charge it! Why bother saving for it so that you don't get yourself deeper into debt when you can just take the credit card out of your pocket (since you never leave home without it) and have it now? The idea of anticipation has been completely blown from society. And, if you think you're going to keep your old VCR nowadays when you have DVD's (and even download them), then why would you want to keep your "old" marriage? People today are more than ever going to believe the grass is greener on the other side. Why try to work things out with someone when you can just get someone else to take their place? And, if both people have to work full time jobs along with kids in the mix, then it's just added stress to an already difficult job of working on the relationship day in and day out. I wish people would realize what marriage truly means and work that much harder at it than they do. It's actually our own fault that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Our expectations are so high that no one can meet them!

Answer 4

to be honest, I think most people (not all) leave for convenience...Marriage isn't held as sacred to most people now as it used to be, and it shows when we read magazines and watch shows about celebrities. I think for a lot of people they aren't sure what to expect when they get married, and when times get tough, they feel like, "hey! I didn't sign up for this!" when in reality, when 2 people live together and have to make joint decisions, there WILL be problems.
There are other reasons people leave I guess, one being abuse...I personally am not sure someone should stay in a relationship where abuse is involved, and I think that being abusive is something that many people don't start until they're already married. But I think there is a vow as well that says you will respect and honor your partner, so they're breaking that vow also.
People change I guess, and I think most marriages stick together because the couple makes a concious effort to respect eachother and grow together, but when that doesn't happen, love can be lost and who wants to stay married when they are no longer in love with their spouse?

Answer 5

Too many girls these days have this fairy tale idea that if they meet Prince Charming they should have an elaborate, magical wedding and live happily ever after. The truth is, true love has very little to do with sex and romance. It is about choosing to love someone for the rest of your life, even when you don't particularly feel like it. That takes a great deal more planning and forethought than a wedding. If you are not willing to commit, you should just not get married. If you cannot compromise and work out problems constructively, marraige is not for you.

Marraige is not easy, but it is worth it. For one thing, parenting is much easier with two people! You get to grow old with your best friend. You don't have to worry about finding a date for the Christmas party. Wherever you go, you have family with you.

You have to work at it, because you don't always feel like you are in love with your spouse (no matter who you marry!) You have to adapt to change. Sure, your husband's not that hot guy who swept you off your feet anymore, but look at him hugging and playing with your kids--it's a new and different kind of love.

50% of marraiges would not end in divorce if 50% of couples did not get married in the first place.

Answer 6

I think many people do not put much thought into their wedding vows and what they really mean. This is a foundation of the marriage. My husband and I each wrote our own vows and when we put them together, we found that they both were very similiar. We combined them perfectly and then did the "repeat after me" thing (he didnt' wnat to read off paper and was very nervous about forgetting if memorized).

Both of our vows emphasized trust, communcation, support, ect...it's the foundation of our relationship and why it works. Relationships can be hard, but there needs to be a solid commitment and dedication to work for it before the wedding. I think many people forget the most important part!

Answer 7

I've been married over 17 years, so keep that in mind when you read my answer. I was married at 28, too, so had been out in the professional working world a long time, had dated a lot, had previous serious relationships and proposals.
Marriage is hard work, but it is a pleasure to put in the work. You have to work at it daily, but with happiness. People bail out of marriages because they are immature when they get married, and more often - it is because they are selfish. Marriage is true give and take, compromise like you have never done in your life before - but you do it willingly and wanting to - because it is for the betterment of your life.
There is nothing - nothing - more satisfying, rewarding, exciting, and fun than being married to someone whom you love and who loves you unconditionally and totally. Your every breath is for one another, truly. The love grows each year, and things change and sometimes things aren't good financially or healthwise, but you both work at it - because your goals are the same. That is what is important. For example, my husband doesn't call me his "wife", he calls me his "life" --- awwww, I know, sweet isn't he? (but he's not perfect, and neither am I. We are both flawed, but somehow we found each other and we fit perfectly.) In fact, we just talked about this this afternoon - how somehow in the grand scheme of life we managed to find each other - we are totally different personalities and characters, but love brought us together, and has stayed. And will continue....

Answer 8

This is why the choosing of a life partner is VERY important. It is so easy to fall in love. And we buy into all kinds of ideas; that the other will change if they love us, that it really doesn't mattter that he hit me just that once, or that it's okay that she belittles me in front of other people. We are masters at making excuses.

And even though people make those vows with good intentions, the everyday living of life is hard, and unless there is a good solid foundation....it won't work.

We are a nation of lazy, I-want- it-now people. We don't want to put the work into what could be a great marriage. And that's sad.

Answer 9

I put up with my marriage for ten years because of those stupid vows that were wrote in the days when life expectancy was 35 not 80. I walked out in the end with my two year old under my arm with nowhere to go and 6 years later I've never looked back since.

Answer 10

I guess most people are 'blinded by the light' when they get married and are never really tested by the vows. People are different and have different levels of tolerance to bad times within a relationship. It's like everything you just never know until you get challenged.