Should I be upset with my friend? How should I tell her?

Question

To make a long story short. My husband and I are realtors and are struggling in this slow market. My friend asked me to send her home listings in her area because her and her husband were considering buying a home. She really liked the ones I sent her and she asked me to keep an eye on her neighborhood for new listings as they come up.
This morning I checked my email and I recieved a blanket letter to all of her friends stating that she and her husband bought a home yesterday afternoon.
I feel betrayed. They knew we've been struggling with money this year, we even had to cancel some trips we had planned with them because we couldn't afford it. Also, I have reason to believe that they may have purchased a home that I sent them the info for. They said they went to an open house and just purchased through the listing agent that was there and that they never thought to call us.
Shouldn't they have told me first? How do I tell them how upset I am over this?

Another thing is: My friend has recently made a big stink about all her friends patronizing her new business she just started 2 months ago. Shouldn't she pay me the same courtesey?

Answer 1

Ah. Another example of people having no idea that their friends actually depend on their professions for their livelihood.

People can be stunningly selfish; doctors and lawyers are asked for free consultations at parties every day. All sorts of professionals are expected to give time and effort to friends for free.

You seem to have been hit up for freebies in this way, and that's inexcusable.

How do you tell your friend...? The only good answer is, in every small way you can. I'd be VERY cool with this woman until she (finally) asks what on earth she did wrong. THEN I'd tell her.

Of course, this assumes that the woman had no idea that she was, in effect, stealing from you.

And, something tells me she knew she was behaving badly.

I'm so sorry to hear yet another incident where someone ripped off a friend.

Answer 2

I think the best thing to do is ask her out for lunch and explain to her what you are feeling, that is, if you still want to remain her friend. Hopefully this won't put an end to your friendship. Friends should tell each other the truth. The right thing to do would probably be to tell her so that you will no longer have a resentment for her and so that she will know what is going on. She may really not have thought of you to buy the house from you. She may have and may have had a reason to just purchase it through the realtors that were there, but you will never know unless you talk to her. Good luck!

Answer 3

Yeah, that's exactly why I let my real estate license lapse. There's a saying in that business, "Buyers are liars." Buyers are only looking out for their own best interests, but buying from a listing agent is downright STUPID! When you do that you screw yourself out of representation because the agent first has a contract with the seller and that is where their loyalties lie. In my state there was a contract for buyers to sign for loyalty. they could cancel it with a 24 hour notice, now that's not bad for a contract, but I couldn't get one single person to take it seriously. So after 5 people bought houses from yard signs and going without primary representation, I quit. It was a lesson learned.

Now for your friendship, you will have to determine how good a friend is this person and if they are worth the effort to set them straight or not. Since she owns a business and probably has a lot of contacts, I'd say she's probably going to be worth it if you can convey to her the fact that she abused the friendship and should probably help you get other buyers to replace the lost income from her betrayal. This can either make her a great friend forever or end the friendship. It all depends on how you approach her.

Good luck. Peace.

Answer 4

You definately need to talk to her. Sometimes people move without thinking and it could be that she didn't realize that this would hurt you. I would be upset as well, especially since you did point her in the right direction. But to be fair, you really don't know what her situation was. Could she afford to pay you for your services? Did she get a better deal by going through the listing agent? Until the two of you talk you'll always have those questions over your head. But talk soon, while it's still on your heart, because if you don't you won't sincerely be able to play your role as a friend and be happy for her that she and her husband have something they needed. Then once you air things out, move past it and get back to being friends.

Answer 5

What a lousy friend. But before you stop speaking to her, keep in mind that unless you had her sign a contract or told her there would be a fee, you sent her those listings as a friend, not as her buyer's agent.

But you know, too, that open houses are not privileged information. They may have seen that home's open house listing before ever talking to you. You've already talked to her about it a little, so you must know if this is the case.

Of course that listing agent could have told them what [not] to do, too. He's "struggling" too, I imagine.

Answer 6

i think you have a right to be upset because of all of the work you did for her, but maybe she is strapped for cash as well and couldn't afford to pay someone? or maybe she didn't realize that asking you for help meant that you wanted to be her agent? maybe she thought that it was just a friendly helper thing you were doing? either way... sit her down and talk to her about the issue... there is no use in being upset about it and not talking to her about it... no use in holding your feelings inside - especially if she is your real true friend... tell her calmly and patiently how you feel - and listen to what she has to say.

Answer 7

I know that with the slow market the fee is important but focus instead on the fact that you used your professional expertise and provided a service that lead to her purchase of a home...she stole from you...she used your info for her benefit...info that costs other clients...friend or not...she got your expertise and did not pay.

Answer 8

You should talk to her to clear the air. It sounds like the selling agent took advantage of their excitement.

If you want to stir the pot you should offer to attend the closing meeting with her, as she really didn't get represented. She could pull the deal and reoffer with you. Nasty, but legal.

Give her a chance, she may have been trying to protect your friendship, you know how emotional housing deals are.

Answer 9

I think that she should tell you first ,
If she is your friend , she will tell you first before doing that .
But don't be upset ,, maybe they were busy or something and call her to know more about that . if you face them tell them why didn't you tell us before . just tell them the truth of what you come through all this situation they will feel guilty at least .

Answer 10

Yes, I think you have the right to be irritated. However, I don't think I would go so far as to say that your friend did this maliciously. Sounds to me like she was being more self-centered and inconsiderate.