He doesn't talk about it at all and I don't want to ask. He is really mean at times and is really cold hearted at times. What might have caused this? I am still trying to figure him out.
2006-12-03 07:51:29 · 11 answers · asked by jennybethsunshine 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Let me give you a few ideas.
- Get a plastic outhouse put outside your housing.
- Make him walk a few hundred yards outside in his flip-flops to a neighbors house to take a shower. On his way back light off an M-100 and laugh like crazy when he dives into a mud puddle.
- Make him sign in and stand in line for dinner.
- Tell him he needs to have his TOC badge in order to get into the bedroom.
- Put your hair up, he isn't used to seeing women with their hair down.
Most importantly let him know that you still love him and don't push him. Crowds are going to freak him out for a while and some things will set him off for a few months. Give him time.
2006-12-03 14:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by Scott 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband just got deployed this morning. We were warned a few months ago that things are going to change. I am sorry your husband is this way. Maybe it is because of things he has seen. Or things he has been through that are hard to explain and that you wouldnt understand. It just takes time to adjust. I am sure he doesnt mean to be mean and cold hearted. And I am sure he will come around eventually. It just takes time. I know my husband is going to change. And he is going to be a slight more mean, but I know he wont be intentionally. Just be patient and give your husband time. If you want, try and sign up for marriage counseling. That may help the both of you, and for your husband to talk about as to why he is acting the way he is. And give you a bit more of an understanding and clue you in on his feelings and what he is hidding inside. Good Luck!!
2006-12-03 09:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by Katherine S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These guys have been through he**. They've seen things and had to do things that most men would not have the guts to do.
Have him get evaluated for post-traumatic stress syndrome first. The military has some really good programs to deal with that. Then you need to both go to family counseling. Anger management probably wouldn't be a miss for him, either.
As to him not talking, he will in his own time once he's dealt with his feelings about what may have happened. Don't ask him to tell you. It may trigger him to explode. Let him know that you are there for him. Once he does start talking to you, do hide any negative reaction or feelings you have. He needs to see you as nonjudgemental and safe to talk to. Do not talk to him about any feelings you have about what he says. Take your feelings to a counselor of your own.
Take things slow. Whatever responsibilities he carried at home before he left, let him pick them back up slowly. Work together around the hose for a while so he gets used to where things are again, especially if you rearranged things while he was gone. That's one thing that gets on my husband's nerves is not being able to function in his own house without asking where every little thing is.
If you have kids, keep them on a good schedule and keep running it yourself for a while. He'll pick back up on the schedule pretty quick and be able to help again.
My husband had a few problems dealing with society after he returned from his first deployment, mainly because he was one vehicle behind one that was blown up. One of his buddies died. He felt helpless because there was nothing he could do to stop it and there was nothing he could do to save his friend. Feeling helpless made him angry.
He went to counseling alone, I went to counseling alone, and we went together. We didn't have the same problems after his second deployment because we already had the knowledge and tools in place to deal with the feelings and issues. We are now (hopefully) getting close to the end of his 3rd deployment. If necessary, we will go back to counseling.
I wish you the best. Transitions are not easy for anyone.
2006-12-03 08:37:09 · answer #3 · answered by seeme1995 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It took me awhile to get back to normal, but it's never been the same. I won't make any judgements about his behavior, but you should know that it's very difficult to cope with everything.
For me, all of the horror of the year I spent in Iraq went kind of by me without much notice and I only realized what actually happened when I was out of that situation at home.
He should see the mental guy on post and maybe get something for PTSD if they decide he's suffering from it.
I found it very hard to really be happy for a long time.
2006-12-03 16:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by justind_000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They should have or will give him a test for PTSD... My husband told me some stuff when he first got back, but it was kind of akward... I like knowing, but at the same time it scares me, even though I know he's safe... If he's mean to you because of personal things, you'll just have to work it out.. but if it has to do with him having been over there, I would ask him to talk to someone for the sake of your relationship. Good luck!!! P.S. You can e-mail me if you wanna chat!
2006-12-03 11:35:38 · answer #5 · answered by Nicole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You guys need to take advantage of a lot of services offered for thos, although he won't want to. He's seen heard and experienced things you really don't want to know about. Call your local military liason and get an appointment - make him agree (even if you have to "order" him to do it. He needs to vent but he doesn't want to do it on you.
He's experienced things that nobody should be through and it has skewed his judgement and reasoning filters - you may be the only path back to reality as we know it... best of luck and God bless
2006-12-03 07:59:06 · answer #6 · answered by piggly_wigglyus 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pray for him all the time, and seek out help from the areas these folks are listing. Its not easy to talk to others especially if they have not seen the things you have seen. Good luck
2006-12-03 09:10:37 · answer #7 · answered by gotseatbelts 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try and talk to him, I always find it hard when he comes home, they do open up especially about the laughs they've had, but be there and see what happens.
2006-12-03 07:58:46 · answer #8 · answered by kelly709904 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get professional help. He (and you) probably could use some therapy after what he's been through. Thank him (and you) for your sacrifice.
2006-12-03 07:55:21 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
let him know when he hurts you he probably doesn't mean it so it will help him to reconnect with you. above all be Patient and love him .
2006-12-03 07:59:34 · answer #10 · answered by cuervo cause i drink2much 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋