i am 22 years old now been on my own since 18. since i was as young as i can remember all the way until i was 13 i was sexually abused by my uncle. My dad did it to me once when i was 12. All this was reported when i was 16 my uncle reported to doing more than i thought he did and my dad denied it with my mom on his side. So at 16 i was put in a persons home from my church. My parents made me stay in my room or go outside i was not allowed in the rest of the house except for meals. So this i did in the new house i was in and got in huge trouble saying now they see why my parents gave me away!!! So as soon as school was over i got a job and got my own place and been liveing alone ever since. My pastor went through a book with me but that is not councelling. It was the bondage breakers by niel anderson if anyone knows of it. I am now 22 with a dad that wont talk to me since i was 16 never really did anyway unless i was in trouble and still the memories. what should i do?
2006-12-03 07:43:03 · 7 answers · asked by heyyou133 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
i decided at 22 i can try coucelling again and am starting next week at a new church what u guys think? What will councelling do? What will the first meeting be like? Do you think councelling is the answer?
2006-12-03 07:44:18 · update #1
Firstly i think yes counselling CAN help and does make a huge difference to some people. There is a small majourity of people though that it doesnt help. Do you have to use a church counsellour? Are you religous?
Ive been on a counsellouring corse so i know what they SHOULD be like with you, never actually been to one myself.
IF THEY ARE TRAINNED PROPERLY AND PROFESSIONAL:-
1) You will feel comfortable and relaxed the moment you walk into their office/room.
2) They wont be sitting behind a desk.
3) They will show you that they ARE interested in hearing what you want to talk about.
4) They will start by asking you open questions. Meaning questions that require easy answers such as your name, how your feeling today etc.
5) A professional counsellour WONT TELL you what you need to do but they will ASK you what YOU would like to do and what you would hope for from this cousellouring.
If they scribble in a note pad while your talking, id find myself a new counsellour mate. On my course we were told to ONLY make brief notes and to never sit there making long notes and scribbling in a pad. It comes across to you as they are not really listening.
Last but not least hun, if you have a time limit on your sesson lets say a max of an hour and on that hour you havent finished talking about something, please dont take it to heart that they just want to shoo you out the door. Cousellours have to keep to their time limit to be professional otherwise they could be there for hours n hours n hours. They should round you off to a reasonale ending and give you a target to meet by your next session.
I wish you all the best hun with your counsellouring and if at any time you dont feel comfortable with ANYTHING, then find someone else ok.
2006-12-03 08:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mystic Magic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I am so sorry you have been thru so much. I think you have a great attitude about what you have been thru. I think what your parents, including your mom, did to you, and are still doing to you is crimminal. Your Uncle should be horse whipped. I am a reliogous person, but I think you should go to just plain old counseling. No offense to any churches, but sometimes, you have to let your anger and other feelings out in an unchristian-like way. Sometimes church counseling lets spiritual rules lead, like they may push you to forgive, before you have expressed alll of your negative feelings towards the people that were supposed to protect you and keep you safe, and I'm sure you may even have some tendencies considering your sexual orientation the church might not understand. The last thing you need now is anyone being judgemental towards you or any of your feelings. I hope you get all the good things in life that you deserve and I wish you the best. Good Luck, Hang in there, this too, shall pass.
2006-12-03 08:26:09 · answer #2 · answered by knightkaren9702@sbcglobal.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart aches for you. Let me assure you that counseling does help, if you're ready to be helped. And if you are a believer, then it's a great idea to get faith-based counseling, because it will help you integrate the reality of your past with the promise of your future. Things can be so much better for you than they are now...please believe that!
In many churches (including mine) counseling begins with the process of forgiveness - the individual is walked through the steps of forgiving those people who have caused him or her the most hurt. It doesn't matter whether those people have asked for it. Forgiveness doesn't have to be sought to be given. You don't even need to confront those who abused you in your childhood; this process is to heal you, not to mend your relationships. The freedom and joy you'll find once you are able to forgive and move on (notice I didn't say forget...you'll never forget, but you can learn to live with the memories) is the best gift you can give yourself!
Please don't get discouraged; your worth in God's eyes doesn't depend on how others treat you. You deserve the best that God has to offer you!
2006-12-03 08:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by synthylady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are very brave to share this. Counseling and therapy is so very necessary! You deserve to live without these memories haunting you.
If the counseling doesn't work with the church please seek it out elsewhere. Also look for support groups, even if they are email ones like on yahoogroups.com
The united way offers low income and sliding scale therapy and I bet support groups. www.unitedway.com/
p/s the first meeting should be where the person asks you questions about your past and your present mental state. Know that NOTHING during your therapy experience should be uncomfortable. http://www.aabt.org/091101%20Folder/091101/public/what_to_expect.html
wishing you all the best and take care of yourself okay?
2006-12-03 07:55:47 · answer #4 · answered by Sugah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
dont worry dear , GOD is there . you go for councelling they will give some advice to make you happy . as your sister i tell you , before that you forget everything . be happy enjoy the world concentrate on some thing like music some games , just divert your mind , do meditation it will help you. take care
2006-12-03 07:59:30 · answer #5 · answered by NR 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Councelling will help find the better you. ya you should get it a book aint good enought!!
2006-12-03 08:33:11 · answer #6 · answered by jessicablock 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One questions is the church counselor qualified
2006-12-03 07:55:39 · answer #7 · answered by norsmen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋