Stepfather vs. Biological father... who should walk me down the aisle?

Question

it's a long story. I'm the youngest of my mother's four children. My Mother's husband (mike) is the father of my older siblings. my mother began an adulterous relationship which lead to my conception. at the time both my mother and father were married to other ppl. Throughout mom and mike's relationship, mike would constantly abuse, and cheat on her. after she had me, she wanted desperately to leave mike and be with my father, but he was still technically married to his own wife. the years went by and my mom and mike tried to patch up the relationship. not wanting me to be shunned, my mother had mike sign my birth certificate and thus i have his last name. i grew up thinking that mike was my father but constantly visited with the mysterious 'secret uncle' who was later revealed to be my bio father. somewhere around my teens mike abandoned the family, and started abusing everyone. he became a deadbeat leaving me more hurt then i've ever been in my whole life. Then I met my bio dad.

at first i rejected him, angry that he allowed me to live my life a lie, but i grew fond of the man who was truly my father. Mike was nowhere to be seen. after he and my mother split, he stopped calling, or caring I never got a birthday card, visit when i was in the hospital or anything, it hurts a lot how he could just forget i even exist. there is some resentment towards him, he abandoned everyone his birth kids included.

I shut mike out of my life since then. He has resurfaced the last couple of years, and acting like nothing has happened. and i have made it quite clear i don't want anything to do with him. I can care less if he drops dead tomorrow, but he still is my brother's father.
needless to say i'd want my biological father to walk me down the aisle. the problem is no one knows that mike isn't my bio father, including mike himself. should i suck it up and have him walk me down the aisle to keep my mother's secret or should i expose it for the sake of being happy on

my wedding day??

if you think i should expose, what should i say to everyone? or just have ppl puzzled like uh who's that man?

Catseal, there is nothing "BRAVE" about being a deadbeat. he just thought i was his kid. he was being so much of a whore he didn't notice what was going on with his own wife. my father and his wife have long dissolved their relationship, and everyone on his side knows i'm his daughter.

Answer 1

That's a tough situation to be in. First I would suggest you talk with your mohter to get her input. But once that's all said and done. There's no rule that says you HAVE to walk down the aisle with your "father". If you are close to your biological father, have him walk you down the aisle. If you want to tell people the truth (and it won't kill your mother) do it. If not, give them an edited verson. He is a very good friend of the family and has been like a father. It's important that on your wedding day you are happy. If you "suck it up" and let Mike walk you down, you'll likely not have happy memories. You'll focus on that part so much that you'll miss out on what your wedding day is really about--You and your fiance.

Answer 2

I have a similar situation.. I though do not like my bio Dad.. I would have my stepdad do it.. but only because he was always there for me and has never wronged me.. I think your real dad should walk you down the aisle.. If that is who you are more fond of and have the better relationship with.. It's your day thats true.. but doing something that makes everyone else happy isn't what your goal should be. It will be a day you will remember forever. and the memories i am sure you will want to be good for you. Keep in mind that if you do choose the non bio dad.. you may regret it.. and I wouldn't want you to have that weighing on your conscious I wish you luck and Congrats..

Answer 3

Wedding is a very special that most of us will only go through once in our lives. And I really think your biological father should walk you down the aisle.

Stop thinking about Mike giving you the chance. He doesn't deserve it!

It's your wedding and what matters is your decision. Do what you feel is right and makes you happy. A wedding is a joyful occasion and if your bio dad walks you down the aisle makes you feel happy, you already know your choice then.

Answer 4

If your mom dosnt talk to Mike anymore then why not...but if they still live together you cant just ruin their relation. In another hand, you must not dissapoint ur biological father while walking with mike. U really have a dilemma. I say make the big revelation the day of your mariage, they day that sets you free from your old family and gives you a new one!! go for bio dad!

Answer 5

The one that you have a good relationship with. If anyone asks why your bio father walked you down the aisle, tell them that it's because he was there when you needed a father figure and Mike wasnt. You dont HAVE to reveal the truth. I have a bio father that i dont have anything to do with and a "adopted" stepdad that has taken care of me since I was born. My stepdad is the one that will give me away at my wedding.

Answer 6

You know, it really isn't necessary for the father to walk the bride down the aisle, and in your case it might be a good idea to use another plan. Wedding planning books will have some to suggest. Mike doesn't sound like someone you even want to invite to the wedding (I'm not saying you shouldn't, but how will he behave at it?) and though it sounds like you have a parental relationship with your biological dad, but will that bring up lots of difficulty and gossip for him or for you? Unless you have strong sentimental reasons for wanting to do this, I wouldn't just because it's "traditional." Look at some other choices and you might find one that fits how you feel. (I'm assuming that one of your dads isn't trading you for a bride price, cattle or a new sofa?)Especially reading your added comments, you could walk down the aisle yourself, with your mother (and maybe the groom with both parents if their marriage is intact) or even with your groom.

Answer 7

I think you have to be honest with yourself about this.

First, being a biological father takes absolutely nothing. There's no investment.

But if Mike offered nothing but abuse, if it's clear to you that he never loved you, made no effort to form or nurture a relationship with you... that the whole thing, for Mike, was about Mike... then maybe the way to go is with your biological father.

You haven't said what kind of relationship you have with him (your biological father) now or how long it's been. But if his effort to be a father to you has been greater and more genuine than Mike's effort, then that's the way to go.

So, honestly, who has tried harder to be a father to you?

Answer 8

The Key? Promoting a climate of trust.Whom you trust more?Don't let other people or things distract you.Learn yourself to understand the real situation,when you yourself able to walk down the aisle.Forget about the two fathers,Maternity is justified by the law.How you think is everything.Always be positive,if you believe in your mother,always be positive,think success,not failure.Beware of a negative environment,which can turn your dreams into reality.Wishing you a Good Luck and Marry Christmas!

Answer 9

Why not your mother? Throughout your stories, she seems to have been the only constant parent. You don't like your stepdad, you seem undecided about your biodad. I'd say, pick your mom, or no one. Do not let tradition badger you into something like this.

Imagine walking down the aisle alone, in your beautiful dress. You would be the picture of independence, and you would be giving yourself to your fiance, instead of a dad you can't respect.

My two cents.

Answer 10

I think you need to be honest. Definetly don't have mike walk you down the isle for anyone elses sake. This is your day and if you want your biological dad to walk you down the isle then talk with your mom and have your dad walk you down the isle. It isn't your fault she had an affair, but it is the rest of your life your being asked to live hiding someone elses mistake and that is not fair to you. Once it is out, its out. Honesty is the best policy.