what do you do about an argumentative child?

Question

My 4 year old daughter is very strong willed and stubborn. It does not matter what I say or ask her to do, she will always argue with me. If I say the sky is blue, she will say it is yellow. No joke. I have tried everything from explanations, praising when she doesn't argue (which hardly ever happens), disciplining, etc. I don't know what else to try. It is starting to affect my confidence in my parenting skills. What can I do to minimize this behavior?

Answer 1

Right you have to realize that you are the adult in charge here, remember it takes two to argue, you can handle this two ways, make your statement if she argues then ignore her, it is because she is getting your attention by arguing that she persists. If she can get you to argue it is maintaining focus on her. You could perhaps state that if she persists in contradicting you she will have to go her room, you need to be really firm in this approach though and you need to issue a warning before carrrying it out ad then put it into practice after the warning without arguing with her or commenting.

Answer 2

You could actually make a positive situation out of this. Be glad that your daughter doesnt just take what people say as the truth just because someone she trusts and loves says it. People are sometimes wrong so its good that she wants to know why she has to do something and how its going to benefit her. Instead of telling her that she has to listen to you and that she cant argue, ask why she always argues. Kids at that age crave knowledge and attention so its normal for her to backtalk to hopefully get a rise out of you. Dont get mad at her, just calmy ask"why do you think that?" or "why do you feel like you dont have to do this?" When your daughter realizes that you arent wanting to argue with her and youre actually wondering where shes coming from on her argumenative statements, she'll eventually stop arguing and just start asking nicely. Ive done this and ive seen it work. If you tell a child that they cant argue-its like saying you cant have a opinion, which can stop a childs mental growth. Explain that even if she thinks shes right or even if she knows shes right, its sometimes better to just not say anything and let the other person be wrong. I know that shes young, but she deserves respect just like anybody else, no matter what the age may be. Just make sure you know where you stand as a person and as her mother. :)

Answer 3

As someone mentioned, an argument cannot occur without two people participating. Why does it matter if she wants to be argumentative to entertain herself, so long as she's still doing all those necessary things that she must do? Just ignore it, she's only doing it to see how far she can manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do - maintaining a senseless argument with a child. Really, if you don't take part, there isn't an argument - just a smart young girl saying absurdities to someone who isn't listening and couldn't care less.

Answer 4

My daughter gets VERY mouthy. Not so much anymore because the technique I am about to share works!! Put soap in her mouth when she gets mouthy. I started with soap and then moved to tabasco because you can buy the little bottle and keep it in your purse. I know it sounds mean and I cried the first time I did it, but it only takes once or twice and then when they get mouthy, just pull the bottle of tabasco out and show her, she'll shut up REAL FAST!

Answer 5

Ask yourself where she gets it from....you? Or your husband? Which if you challenges everyone else's opinion? It is a valuable trait! Humanity would make no progress is we all thought the same: Galileo; Da Vinci; Einstein are ready examples of non-comformists who challenged others' ways of accepting things.

Deal with the question or challenge not the "behaviour". So - The sky is yellow. "Is it. Well everyone else calls that colour blue. Do you think its a good idea to have different names for things from everyone else? Pass the elephant please. (point to the butter.) " Turn it into a game.
AND - ask HER. "Why do you always argue with me? Do you enjoy it?" She is obviously intelligent and getting a kick out of irritating you.....so don't be!

Answer 6

Don't argue back. If you say the sky is blue and she says it's yellow--look at her and say "You don't argue with me..do you hear me?" She needs to know that she is not to argue with mom and dad. YOU are the parent and what you say goes. Because she is your child, she is not to question you and is to listen.

Tell her she is not to argue with you, and if she continues to do so then punish her. Take away a priveledge to start out with. Explain to her that because she was arguing with you, she is not to have "whatever" for the rest of the day. Whether it be a toy, the tv, etc. she is not to have it the rest of the day. If she argues with you on that, take away another thing. Continue to take away one thing for each time she argues.

Eventually, she won't have a thing left and will realize that when she argues, her stuff is taken away. It takes patience, but I can promise it will work.

Answer 7

I am a parent..I did go through the same type of thing i found a way that works wonderfully..it is based on a book called Love and Logic..please,please,check it out ,weather it be at the library or at the book store..it is the only way that worked for me..now my kids are 18,16&12 and thanks to love and logic are respectful loving kids..i had read so many books..but nothing works like this !

This is the website so you can see a little what its about..
but most libraries have their books. http://www.loveandlogic.com/.



The others also do world wide seminars etc.. for pretty cheap!

Answer 8

If you get a ggod answer to this e-mail me at [e-mail] I have a 3 year old boy who is crazy stubborn.. very strong willed..... good luck.. JJ

Answer 9

ignore it....sounds funny.....but shes got your attention...whether it negative or positive....She's got it.

When my son was that age...I asked the doctor...he told me this and I thought no way....

I tried it and wow! He would sing this song that drove me crazy...I would say it was quiet time or your Lil sis is sleeping....he would get louder......so I tried the Iggy thing.....just let him sing...I would walk out of the room continuing to do my thing....he followed....got old for him....I never said a word...just did what I was doing....Screaming in the store because he wanted something....I would look at him and say next time...he continued I just ignored it....live and learn....it worked...took a couple of times.

I also learned to choose my battles....some of them just aren't worth it.....

Best wishes

Answer 10

Aw, don't doubt yourself! Your daughter sounds like a typical 4-year-old. At that age, they just love to test their boundaries. When my sister does that to me (she's also 4-years-old), I'll usually just call her a silly and laugh.

If she gets upset or angry, I get down to her height and ask her to tell me what's going on / how she's doing, etc.