I can't possibly speculate the thought of speaking to her like someone who i really trust. I know it takes time in order to build trust, but in the past as a little kid for example, she treated me with insults,disrespect,and when she promised something she broked the promise(s). I don't expect perfection.In my mind i estimate that im still healing from this issue, but i know myself and most likely it will take a very long while.Though i admit it that she is a very strong willed women and has the capacity of behaving nicely. I'm not trying to place her in the position of the corrupt person. Please, if ya'll have any input i'll greatly appreciated. Thank you.
2006-12-03 06:16:41 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You need to ask yourself what you want out of the relationship with your mum????
If you want the closeness, then first of all I would suggest having a serious heart to heart with your mum......Talk and ask for explanations for her actions, tell her how it made you feel, how you feel now..........She might be able to let you see things in a different light, i.e trauma that she was going through at the time, which parents do keep from from there children, but don't realise there distress come out in different ways.....
Adults just think kids won't remember, but oh boy they do.....
The biggest hurdle is actually plucking up the courage to go for that chat and starting the conversations flowing, make sure its in a public place.....
Good luck I have a very close friend going through the same thing and she can find no peace inside herself cause she can't forgive xxxxx
2006-12-03 06:27:36 · answer #1 · answered by xXx Orange Breezer xXx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain, been there with my own mother and I'm 28... still there. Trust is a building block and when it's been broken so many times it doesn't build back up very easily. So what I do is when my mother is nice I'm nice, when she throws me aside for my siblings I am hurt, but I don't talk to her.. can't is more accurate. I keep our relationship at an arms length and really only talk to her and see her when she wants the grandchildren for the day or something like that. Other than that I talk to her online... it's a better relationship that way, in person there's too much distance already and not enough trust there. Hope this was helpful
2006-12-03 14:21:35 · answer #2 · answered by jillifly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, you must learn to forgive your mother for all the bad things she did to you during the past. Focus on the good side of her and times when you feel you love her a lot and couldn't live without her.
Secondly, always start trusting in small portions first. Learn to talk to her about you daily life. Perhaps about school or work. Maybe the new dress you bought. Communication is always a key to relationship. From here, you can see how she reacts.
If things are fine and all, you can start being bonding to her. Treat her nicely like buying gifts for her on her birthday and Christmas. Bring her out for lunch and perhaps both of you can get to break the wall between you two.
Don't over-react or get hurt easily when she is being hurtful and insulting. Just be calm but firm. So that is shows your maturity in handling issues. If she is being insulting, ask her why does she think like that? Then, tell her that you are hurt by what she is doing and saying. Be more open to her about your feelings so that both of you can start learning to trust each other.
Hope my advice helps.
2006-12-03 14:28:00 · answer #3 · answered by Peyton 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if your mother has changed or not. What I do know is that you probably have grown from the experience of having a mom like that. You must put it behind you and look ahead to when and if you decide to have kids. You just know that you will not make those mistakes with your kids. That is the way life is supposed to be, with each generation getting a little better. Whether you choose to trust your mom is a different matter. You might be willing to forgive, but you also don't want to set yourself up for more disappointment. Good luck and God bless you.,
2006-12-03 14:25:50 · answer #4 · answered by owllady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can share what you want with your Mother but keep in mind that we all have a space set aside just for us and nobody goes there. It your space that is your privacy and it is shared with no one not even to husband or wives. There are things I have done that I wouldn;t even imagine telling my wife and the reason is very simple not just my privacy....it's a need to know:)
2006-12-03 14:40:36 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋