I feel very sad :(?

Question

I want to give my dad a hug and tell him that I love him, but I'm afraid of how he will react or he won't react the way I want him to. He never says I love you and he hasn't given me a hug in years...my dad is 56 and I'm 29. I feel the need to know he loves me and I want to hear it and give him a big hug. I'm feeling low confidence right now and feel comfortable around everyone in my family with the exception of my dad. Its weird because this just started happening. I don't know if I notice how much of a complainer he is because my self-esteem is low right now, but it's putting me down. He can be very grouchy and serious. On the otherhand, it's not like he doesn't love me because last night he called me to let me know a t.v. show I liked was on and he asked me how I was doing this morning. Has my mind created a huge mess that parts of me thinks he's disappointed in me and I'm intimidated by him and our relationship will never be the same again? Should I hug him or what do I do?

Answer 1

this is what i suggest.

first come face with the truth as to why you feel down.

in what you said, you say that how he reacts to you is causing you to have low-self-esteem.

That is untrue, YOU are causing yourself to have low-self-esteem.

Cause you are saying and telling yourself, that HE is causing it in you by not showing love to you.

By saying that, you are choosing what gives you self-esteem or not.

You have chosen to let Him decide how you feel.

And at the same time, not admitting that you have chosen this.

Choose to feel good, choose to do things that make you happy, and you will be.

But if you are waiting for him to change , to make you happy, then you will be waiting a long time, cause thats like saying "im going to wait for the sun to burn out before i believe a peacefull nights sleep happens".

and wether you want to admit it or not, you are being like your father, stubborn, with your beliefs.

cause you , at present are not changing the belief that it is your father's responsiblity to make you feel good.

When in actuall reality the Truth is that it is YOU that has to hold up to your responsibilty for YOU. Just as it is your father's to be responsible for himself.

Be responsible for yourself, for how you feel in life, and stop giving it to him.

Answer 2

I am 37, and a mother of a 14 year-old. So I can understand your question from both sides. First of all, I think you shouldn't expect anything in return from your dad. He might have some issues regarding the way he expresses his feelings, that he hasn't resolved yet (and he might never resolve, let's face it, people hardly change). Of course he loves you, he has been there for you your whole life, and what you think is disappointment, has to do with how much he loves you and how much he would like you to have a better life. You see?, love is beneath the grouchy appearence.
You can express love in a lot of ways, and saying it, is not the best way, don't you think? It's actions, it's taking care of the ones you love, what really express your feelings.
When my daughter hurts my feelings, it is complicated to receive her "open arms" just because she is sorry... I need some time to cool down, to understand what happened, and most important, I want to see that she learned from the experience to grow as a better person... I prefer that , than listening to "I love you, I'm sorry" and receiving a big hug. As a matter of fact, if she comes to me and hugs me, I feel offended, like she hasn't realized that I too have feelings. This doesn't mean I love her less, it just means that I am human, have my temper, and need my time to get things in perspective.
So if you want to hug your dad, go and do so, but don't feel bad if his reaction is not the one you expect. Love is acceptance, so love him trully and accept him the way he is, grouchy, serious, distant...
And about your self confidence, I understand it is difficult to grow up, to be independent and to face every day as an adult... the only way you will get trough adulthood is by loving yourself and accepting yourself. Embrace your life, your character, the wonderful human being you've turned into, and then I am sure you will feel strong enough to smile, hug and kiss those you love... without expecting kisses, hugs or smiles in return... just for the sake of doing so!
Love

Answer 3

Forget everything and just hug him and tell him you love him. Maybe that why he's been grouchy lately, because he hasn't heard those words in a while. Maybe he even thinks you are disappointed in him for whatever reason.You never know what tommorow holds.
My friend called me from Vermont one day and said he was driving down to Montreal to party at a club we used to go to, I told him I wasn't in the mood to go and that I would see him again in a couple of weeks when he would be back in town again. Well, he died in Vermont the following weekend. I never got the chance to see him again because I assumed there would be a next time.

Just remember, there isn't always a next time, and believe me when I say you'll regret it if you don't tell your dad how you feel. Get it out in the open and maybe it will even change your relationship with him for the better. Even if he distances himself from you for a while, at least he knows how you feel and most important, you know you told him so. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 4

I think you should tell your Dad that you want to give him a big hug. We need the love of our Dad too. It can only go one of two ways. Be brave it won't be the end of the world if he says you are being daft.
You are perhaps a bit depressed. This time of the year is hard for a lot of people it stirs up emotions and can make us feel a bit depressed. You sound like you may be a bit lonely too. Just tell him. It will more than likely be fine.

Answer 5

Dads can be grouchy and complainers. No doubt about it. My dad was the same. He was a handshaker with all of us kids, but whenever I left after a visit, even tho he shook my hand, I always gave him a hug. Try it. Tell your dad how you feel, that you know he cares about you, and you would like to give him a hug, even if it's only once in awhile. Who knows? Maybe that's what he wants, too. Good luck.

Answer 6

I have a great Mom that grew up in a large family where they didn't hug and kiss. I always wanted my Mom to hug me too. She is the most giving , wonderful person in the world. She just didn't know how to show it like that. I understood that when I was in my 30's. Your Dad loves you, and you and is not disappointed in you. I am a Mom and I love my children. Because of my Mom not hugging me as I grew up, I smothered my with hugs and kisses. Go in the room and put your arms around him and hug him. Don't think about it anymore, just do it. God Bless you.

Answer 7

In my exerience fathers tend to feel awkward simply because they have a hard time coping with change in their 'little girls'. For example, when I was younger me and my father, as well as my sister and my father, got along very well. We'd work in the garage and play wrestle and do all kinds of things along those lines, he'd even braid our hair sometimes, but as me and my sister got older and our bodies began to develop we lost that connection and I learned it was because he simply felt awkward. He didn't want to wrestle with us because he was afraid of anything inapropriate being touched as we played, and like most males, he held that fear inside rather than communicating in order to fix the problem. I know I'm straying off topic a bit so I'll cut back in, the reason I am sharing this experience is because it was a change. It's not only a physical change that can alter a relationship but a social or psychological change as well. (Were there any significant changes around the time he stopped hugging you?) I found this out by talking about it with my mother, who better else understands him right? In this case, you can talk to your mother and ask her opinion or, being 29, you can take matters into your own capable hands.I suggest you confront him about this. When the opportunity presents itself, hug him, tell him you love him, if you do not obtain the response you would have liked, tell him so. Now, it is possible that he will try to avoid the topic, explain how you feel about it as well as what you're missing out of your relationship with him. Don't be afraid to let your emotions show through. Ask him any questions you may need answered. Remember, communication is always very important, males think differently then us and sometimes need reminding that as females we need that communication.
Hope this helps you and that everything works out between you and your father.

Answer 8

You better go hug him for you not the return of what YOU want. My dad is gone and I wished the same but now he's not here to do it. Just hug him quick and say I Love you....then give him some space do it alot and see what comes of it? You will only feel better about yourself and have no regrets later!

Answer 9

You should feel sad. My dad is the same way. Full of pessimism and negativity. It is a real bummer. He put me down for so long that I finally gave up communicating to him for a long time. I forgave him in my heart when Jesus forgave me of my sins against Him. Now, I just feel pity for my dad because he won't turn to Christ for forgiveness, and probably (I won't say definitely) will die never knowing the love of Christ.

God is so awesome and will forgive anyone who comes to Him. Those who think they are already good enough for Heaven need to realize that no one is righteous and that we all need to be forgiven.

Have you been forgiven by God? God will fill your sadness with gladness and then you will have a Father in Heaven that will never forsake you or leave you.

It is your choice. You can stay away from Jesus your entire life or you can hold onto a scarred hand that knows suffering.

Please choose Christ today. Repent of your sins and trust Jesus to save you.

Answer 10

I'm really sorry to hear that your dad doesn't want to hug you anymore but the question is like do you have a boyfriend and did your dad improve him and stuff and like was your boyfriend a gangster?Or he might think that your growing up to fast in his own way .by the way my name is jesheon so if you need someone to talk to just look for [e-mail] be careful!!!!!!!!!!!