boyfriend confusing me?

Question

I am so confused. My boyfriend has many issues and it seems he hates himself (he used to be a self cutter). I don't know -is it true you can't love another unless you love yourself first?-please answer that question if u repsond.
Also, we had a break up 2 months ago, but he initiated again and we ended up back together.Then yesterday he tells me that when he dated girls in the past he never felt love with them. He knows i love him, but he tells me we can continue to date, but keep our options open. Its so confusing because a few weeks ago he told me he thinks he loves me but not sure b/c he has never experienced it. Will be a year this jan that i have been going out with him and i am the longest relationship he has ever had. He is 24 i am 25. Is it possible he wants to just get his act together as well-he currently is not working and is finishing up one more class for a degree he dosn't even like, but motivated to eventually just work. Its just so hard because i love him so much

He also says that i am the nicest girl that he has ever gone out with. Is that another reason why maybe he said he thinks he loves me, because no other girl treated him so nice ??

Answer 1

I think its true that a person has to love him or herself before being able to love another person. With love comes trust, respect, etc. It takes a LOT of courage to LOVE another person and trust that person not to hurt you. If he is a cutter, he is showing major signs of disrespect for himself, mistrust in others (by not seeking help), and a complete disregard for your feelings. I'm sure you don't like to see him hurt himself, and it probably hurts you to see him so fragile. Does he care that he's hurting you?

Answer 2

1) No you can't love someone else properly or fully unless you love yourself first.
2) Move on. You are in the midst of an abusive relationship and he is in control. It will not get better, it will only get worse for you. At 25, you can meet others, travel, have fun, enjoy being single before you find that one person you will love, marry, and hopefully spend the rest of your life with. This guy is not good for you and never will be because the only person he cares about is himself and what he wants when he wants it.

Answer 3

Okay, I guess that if you don't love yourself first then you're looking for someone else to do that for you instead of loving the other person more than yourself. If you love yourself, you can focus on taking care of the other person instead of them doing it for you, because love puts the other person first.
It sounds to me like he has some issues (like the cutting, not working) and it's easier to be with you than to find someone new because with you he doesn't have to work so hard: he can leave and know you'll still be there when he comes back.
The part about not knowing if he loves you because he never experienced it is crap. If he doesn't recognize what you've been doing for him is love, he ain't ever going to understand.
You seem to have alot you're willing to give, I'd say find someone who can reciprocate, because it's been almost a year with him and he's shown no signs of improvement.
Kudos for trying to help him, but you have to look out for yourself, too.

Answer 4

Boys are very confusing and deseving.....they can tell you one thing but not mean it and tell you things and really do mean it....there not intouch with there feelings like girls are.....when we and my boyfriend first started to sate we talked but not about real personal things....we have built a realtionship where we can be very open and honest and if we are feeling a sertain way we know how to express it to the other and we do it in a way that might hurt the others feelings but at least we are gettting it out there....it takes time for a man to feel comfortable letting a girl in and telling her how he feels....that seems to be diffucult for some men which makes it even harder for us women....i would try to talk to him and tell him you want an open and hoest relationship, your not a mind reader so unless he express's himself to you you will never know how he feels and things cant get better...tell him the importance of your realtionship and that you really love him or like him and you dont want things to end...put your self out there with your feelings and maybe he will do the same...but do it at the right time....when its quite and you two are alone, not out in public or when your oout to eat, a nice calm time when its just the two of you

Answer 5

It depends on what type of love you are talking about. I've been at points in life where I HATED myself, yet I would jump at the chance to do something for my mother, brother, sister, etc. but when it comes to girls, I don't think I can show love based on attraction because I don't feel like I deserve them deep down. Anyway, If you love him then you should make it CLEAR to him, so that he's not left wondering and second-guessing things.

Answer 6

I don't think u have to love yourself before you love another ALWAYS. Maybe he just relies on ya'lls love to maybe start to love himself. Just remind him of how much you love him and maybe one day he will start to remind you of how much he loves YOU. Just try and keep his self-esteem up so he doesn't try anything harmful or dangerous to himself. Mostly he just needs you by his side, and your love in his heart!!

Answer 7

yes if you don't love yourself how could you say u love someone else. thats why he is confused whelther he love u or not.....
Try getting him top talk to u serious becuz he can't have u on strings like a puppet because your a human being with feeling.....

Answer 8

You are too old to deal with that bagage, get out now! You will be fine in the long run.