I have been dating this girl for about a year now, on and off. When we first started dating, there was a strong attraction, but after about a month, I felt kind of over whelmed, almost smothered, so I broke it off. We stayed friends, and I came to know her as a person very well. Around July or so of this year, we started to date again, and then in October, we became "steady." Since then it was great. We spent alot of time together, I told her I loved her, she said the same. Well, the past 2 weeks, she has distanced herself from me, and I started to pick up on it almost immediately. Finally, I confronted her on friday night about it, and she said that with going to school full time, working part time, having a steady boyfriend is killing her performance, and she still doen't know what she wants to do with her life. So, she broke it off, saying she loved me, and I was perfect, but she just can't have a boyfriend right now. I want to give her space, but I am afriad to lose her???
2006-12-03 02:36:56 · 17 answers · asked by Matt M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yes, you've described your romantic involvement with this young woman quite well. I understand totally what you mean by picking up on her "distancing vibes" almost immediately. Isn't it so paradoxical how you were feeling so overwhelmed in the beginning and broke it off, but when you tatally surrendered your heart to her she broke it off because of the same type of feelings.
I guess the bottom line is that you're both not ready and need some space. I'm sure she's all you're thinking about right now. I know it's very difficult for you, but you've got to respect her wishes and give her the space that she needs to sort things out.
Relationships (especially romantic) are so difficult in this day and age because there are so many competing forces in this complex and fast-paced, ADD world that we are living in. Nothing is simple or cut-and-dried anymore, especially affairs of the heart.
Don't take the breakup personally and take advantage of the extra time to focus on your life and your studies. Finals are fastly approaching and you've got to concentrate(assuming you're a full time university student as well) on making good marks and putting this semester behind you. You'll have more time during the winter/spring break to analyze where you stand in regards to your involvement with this gal.
I know I've over simplified your heartache and pain, but hang in there and with time more will be revealed to you.
2006-12-03 03:39:53 · answer #1 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hm.. you are in a really complicaded situation. Her excuse is a little bit lammy, I'm almost sure that she have time for you, but whatever. Try to talk about getting some time for eachother and make clear that you don't mind of being in second place in her life. You will suffer, so choose... staying with her despite her time problem or moving on. Good luck
2006-12-03 10:49:47 · answer #2 · answered by Mickey_Mouse_ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
aw, having a boyfriend and keeping up grades is hard. Make sure u still give her the same attention. Just let her know you wont be there forever. If nothing, at least stay friends with her. let her try to figure out some things and she'll come back to you.
2006-12-03 10:44:37 · answer #3 · answered by =] [= 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then go along with her wishes, and let her know how you feel. Going to school and working is a very difficult task. And then trying to have a relationship is overwhelming. Just let her know how much you care about her, and make sure she is aware that you are available when she has time. You could offer to assist her with her studies this would give you time together. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-03 10:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your in love and really have fun with each other she will come back when she's ready. But I had that same problem where I had to break up with my boyfriend because of so many deaths in my family. But I felt I needed that extra time alone and needed that quiet time to myself.
2006-12-03 10:41:32 · answer #5 · answered by Shizzy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her the space, but keep your eye on the clock. Start using your free time to reconnect with your buds, but continue to call her from time to time. After an adequate amount of time, reevaluate the situation. If she still needs more time and is giving you more excuses, then I would start seeing other people.
2006-12-03 10:43:28 · answer #6 · answered by heathboy27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there for her stay in touch be don't swamp her, she might just be having a rough time at the moment the best thing she'll need at the moment is a loyal reliable friend to turn to if she need's to. so tell her your there for her and you'll always be there for her because you love her, let her come back to you though.you'll probably gain more from being her friend for awhile.if u love each other enough you'll get throigh it. good luck tell me how u get on x xx
2006-12-03 10:48:57 · answer #7 · answered by chocolate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave her alone. Don't pine away after her, if she comes back she comes back. If not, move on. She needs her space, and her life sounds like its a little complicated right now.
Sounds like she was the one overwhelmed this time. I'm sure you can relate.
2006-12-03 10:42:13 · answer #8 · answered by Firespider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just do it. School and work are what really matter to her, and they should be what really matter to you. Maybe you could get her to agree to be your FwB for a while. Then, once some of the stress has gone down, you can pick it back up.
2006-12-03 12:08:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u are sure that both of u have love for each another and ubelieve in this relationship, be there stil for her.. she wil eventually become less stressed out and realise how important u are to her despite other factors.. do not rush things
2006-12-03 10:41:40 · answer #10 · answered by MrPBM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋