I have two sons and my wife has one of her own. My wifes son doesn't know his father. I get assuced of not giving her son what he needs. I get accused of not treating the three boys the same, their ages 5, 11, and 12. This is happening a lot. Things like Why did he get a penut butter sandwhich and yours got a pizza from the freezer, responce. There were only two slices and he said a sandwhich was fine. I get the hand and attitude. When I bought a t shirt for my sons band needs, I get sarcasim because I did not think to buy her son a school logo shirt. Argument always beging with the things she thinks/assume/congers I do not do for her son. I yell back I am the wrong man to say these thing to. She should tell the other. His biofather. I tire of this shi!! She refuces to see that this is unhealthy appologies but short after here we are again. I am tired of it, I am so fustrated it hurt me that she think and says this about me. I love my sons and her son but I am starting to resent hers..
2006-12-03 02:04:29 · 13 answers · asked by speeqtruth 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
was she an unwanted step-child when she was young? many mothers try to fix what went wrong in their own life by projecting onto their kids. so special things with all three of the boys. my dad used to take me and my siblings out for breakfast, one at a time to talk and understand our lives and how he could help us. your wife is over-reacting and i hope you two can fix it.
2006-12-03 02:14:22 · answer #1 · answered by lilchica 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not her son's fault, and so you shouldn't resent him. Unless he does go whining to his mother (which you don't mention). So first of all, ensure that you are placing the blame where it lies. Is she nit-picking or is he playing her against you?
Part of the issue is his age (I'm assuming he's the 5 y/o) and that the others are considerably older. He simply can not do all the things they do, just as they weren't allowed to do those things when they were 5, either. So clarify this with both of them. These issues arise even when the kids with the age differences are full siblings and not just step-sibs.
Then you and she need to have a private conversation -- perhaps with a mediator -- to formulate a plan on parenting that you both feel is fair to all the kids and each of you. Consider that the rules have to be age-appropriate for the kids, and that you both as parents have to agree to be consistent with one another.
Then together you present your house rules to all the kids. You also have to agree not to discuss parenting issues in front of the kids, because that is when they see that they have some power to manipulate you with. So if you disagree with something the other has done, you support it anyway to present a united front; but later, in private, discuss how the situation could have been handled differently to be more in line with your agreed-upon parenting style.
Again, don't take it out on the child -- it's not his fault. he is still very young and only learns what he is taught. So corrections have to be made at the level of what he is learning and from whom it is being learned.
2006-12-03 02:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by HearKat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why she would feel that way. Is there a way that you and she can sit down and talk with no children around. Is the son telling her something that your not aware of.
Its hard and I feel for you but I think this needs to be discussed openly and privately between both of you.
hopefully there can be a compromise in the whole of it.
I feel for you both and hope that this can be reconciled.
try if at all possible not to have these discussions in front of the boys. Private is the best they don't need to know what is happening.
Are there things that are happening between the boys that are causing some of this discord?
family time might be a good quality time for discussing these matters too
Some of them between you and the boys
Some with she you and the boys
Some with her and you just alone finding a healthy balance.
Good luck
2006-12-03 02:12:07 · answer #3 · answered by Spirit_Rain_3-SunShineAries 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't resent the child because his mother has issues. That's not his fault. You guys need to get some counseling, and fast...first you two as a couple, then perhaps having the kids participate too so their view of the situation can be heard and understood.
2006-12-03 02:09:33 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im sry man butt its going go on just one thing i can think of
one day go out an just get her son some thing or things
or if you get one something getthim all something
an know what thay all whant so dont get in there an one say i whated what he as lol an that is not fun or good for you
butt try to show her you do love her son as much as yours
an do keep showing her you love her an im not saying not to do any thing with your kids you do something with hers thay will
start to get mad at you or him an or her
your bud demon~420~
2006-12-03 02:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by demon420 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
she sounds like she needs to see a shrink. she has a lot of anger about his father not being in his life, and rightly so,but it's not your place to get yelled at because of his mistakes. i would go to counseling, she's not listening to you when you say anything, she needs to step back and look at what she's doing and how it's affecting the family from an outside perspective.
2006-12-03 02:27:46 · answer #6 · answered by pikachu 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is a package deal.treat her son as if he is your own.she sounds like she is jealous of your sons.you 2 need to sit down and talk.I have 3 kids and I may buy for one and not the others.I don't have to buy 3 things at a time.But they eventually get some things.
2006-12-03 02:18:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is right---you have to treat each child equal. It may not matter to you, but children are very very sensitive to this--although they don't say it or admit it--the thoughts are moving in the head. You are creating your own problems.----please be kind and treat them equal--it is not the children's fault they are caught up in adult games. I think you and her are more like children then they are!! You may find yourself having to rely on these youngsters when you are older--and you will get older!!! Don't be dumb--wake up---take care of your family and show your children (ALL OF THEM) how to be responsible. Peace to you.
2006-12-03 02:45:22 · answer #8 · answered by MicG 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a great problem for a marriage counsellor. Maybe you can find one through a church or mental health facility.
2006-12-03 02:17:13 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
send your son's to a good boarding school
good for them and you
2006-12-03 02:09:15 · answer #10 · answered by v_adaniya2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋