I do not believe in God but am looking for a philosophy of life to give purpose to living. Any suggestions?

Question

My husband died 8 years ago. I have been dead inside ever since. I have 2 children, 12 and 16 and a fiancee. I am waiting for the day that no one needs me so I can die. In the meantime I am looking for something that may give some larger purpose to living. I do not believe in God so please don't tell me that is the reason.

Answer 1

I do understand your situation and I am sorry for your loss. I do hope that you are doing ok though.

Anyway, with regards to your question, it is really hard to try to think of a philosophical insight to life and impose it to oneself - because that is not how philosophies are lived. An existentialist arrived at his belief in the importance of existence over essence because of his experiences and not because it was self-imposed. Any philosophy that is self-imposed does not hold to that person because he cannot fully relate and fully accept its ideals and beliefs.

However, I still wish to share to you a philosophical insight I hold dear in my hear and that is, exitentialism. An existentialist does not need believe in a God but rather believes in himself, whose quest is to self-create himself to the best and most creative way possible. It is a high for expression of the true you.

We only live once - so live life as best as you can.

Answer 2

That's the thing isn't it, you have a legacy now with two children, so you will always be needed. Some day you may have grand kids and they are going to want to know what you have experienced and the people you have known and to leave this world before you get a chance to give that away would be a shame
I always liked the saying when people bring up God as the answer for every problem instead of giving an opinion or answer,
THE ONLY THING I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT GOD IS
"THAT I'M NOT HIM" so that leaves me free to do what I think is right not what religions says is right
Take Care

Answer 3

I am an atheist. I find purpose in life by helping others. Look around you - there must be a dozen different places that you can help. Volunteer at a hospital, a school, a day care, a senior center. Find a museum, and become a docent. Learn a little about your neighbors, and see who could use some work done around the house, or whose yard needs raking or driveway needs to be shoveled.

If those don't help, go to the local community college or university, and take a class that interests you. Or go to a music store, and sign up for a class in guitar or a keyboard instrument. If you were in the band in high school, get your old instrument out and practice. Set a goal, and work towards achieving it.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I too was turned off by the silly vision of God that religion showed me. I wanted no part of it.

A friend told me to read a book called a course in miracles.

I was hesitant because the book seemed to use christian terminology. This turned me off so I did not do it.

Later the course in miracles popped up again and this time I actually gave it a try. Boy was I surprised. When the course speaks of God it is not talking about the big stupid judgmental white guy in the clouds that my former religion spoke of.

Instead it seeks to change the thought patterns we are choosing that keep us depressed and stuck in the same old rut.

This is the situation that you are stuck in and there is a way out.

I helped me more than words can ever describe to come out of the dark cloud that my life had been into a shiny new world that I never knew existed.

There is room for you here too, but you have to be willing to make the changes that will help you.

Try it, what have you got to loose.

Love and blessings Don

Answer 5

I am sorry that you are dissillusioned with God, as is the case many times when people experience the loss of a loved one. My suggestion would be to look to your children as a purpose for living and the grandchildren you may have later on. Also, you should be getting somewhat excited by the impending marriage you face. If that does not give you renewed reason for living, then perhaps he is not right for you and you should rethink marriage at all. What you need to remember is that happines begins from within and you cannot expect anyone else to be the reason for your happiness. Sounds like you need to do a little soul searching. I wish you luck and I pray for your peace of spirit and comfort for your soul.

Answer 6

You're not waiting to die. You have a family and a fiancee. You choose to punish yourself when it's not your fault. It's time to move on in your life. If you wish to discover what life is truly about, perhaps you should tell your family that you need to go somewhere secluded for like a week or something. When your out there alone, think about life. Think about the plants and the animals and why they live (No, I'm not a hippy). I, personally have not found the answer to our bigger purpose in life so in that aspect I am like you. Instead I think of it like this: our life is a story, a legend, we write our story, we develop our legend. But when we die, our story will die, our legend will be lost. This is why you find someone to pass your story onto, to continue your legend. No one knows our bigger purpose in life, not yet anyways. Right now our purpose is to live life to the fullest. Do everything to do this. I've always wanted to do skydiving, so do skydiving. Our bigger purpose in life will be our childrens' problem to discover. I dont go to church. At times I find it hard to believe there is a God so I am not converting you or whatnot. My philosophy is simple, live life to the fullest, write your legend. Pure and simple.

Answer 7

I highly recommend that you seek grief counselling for your children's sakes, and DO NOT GET MARRIED.

You cannot love someone if you do not love yourself.

No one can tell you what to believe in, you have to find your own reason to live. Would your husband want you to continue grieving him this way, or would he want you to carry on and give him a proud legacy?

Something you need to understand about being a parent is that you are a parent forever. Your children will always need you. It doesn't end when they turn 18 or 28 or 38. What they need from you changes, and what you need from them will change as well.

If you truly are looking for a philosopher to follow his/her doctrine, enroll in college courses and dig into some hardcore philosophy - start with the ancient Greeks and work your way up to modern times. It is a challenging, refreshing, and eye-opening ride. Along the way you can develop your own philosophy for life.

Good luck to you and your children.

Answer 8

Hi. I noticed your mention of philosophy and this may sound goofy but, its two words, philo-sophia, the love of wisdom. it's about about looking into the meaning of these words - what are they. This is the jumping off point. Having children is an advantage for wisdom, sorting out who punched who or answering their questions. With a Fiancee you also get to do a lot of loving, he won't mind your new found interest in philosophy

Answer 9

I would recommend a Twelve Step Program. God is defined as something greater than yourself, and it's a very generic effective spirituality. You can modify the wording to make it applicable to you.

Grief counselling and group support is available through an organization called "Friends in Grief", and it is not a religious organization. 8 years is too long to still be affected, so I think the cause could be something other than your terrible loss. Some kind of counselling is essential.

Keep in mind depression is common with menopause, which is easily treated by a doctor.

Answer 10

Sounds like you've spent enough time on the Pity Potty. If you can't snap out of it by helping others, including your family and fiance, then seek some professional help. There are even anti-depressant drugs that can help you get a fresh start, and then you can stop taking them.
If you love your children, do this. If you won't seek help through your medical or psychiatric doctors, then you should release your fiance from a doomed relationship. Why should HE devote his time and energy to someone who will be a corpse when the kids are grown, Very selfish of you. I went through depression, still go through it, but have found avenues of help, but YOU must seek the help, don't expect Dr. Knowitall to show up on your front door step.