Been with my bf for 3yrs. We have a good relationship, but im starting to think something is up. I found some dirty msgs on his fone from a girl that make me think he has somethink to hide. The more i think about it, the more i question it, but as i say were close....but then i guess u never know, i don't kno the signs to look for, all the evdence i have are messeges on his fone.Its tricky coz if i confront him he will know i have been through his fone, an lets face it he will prob say its nothing. Any advice or thourts on this, do u think iv got somethink 2 worry about?????
2006-12-03 00:50:32 · 29 answers · asked by Laura 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
if hes got balls - hes cheating
2006-12-03 00:53:24 · answer #1 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Be careful don't blow it out of proportion. I work around women all day and there are many running jokes and some of them are dirty. My wife understands that sometimes said jokes bleed out of work. But if you are that close then you probably have nothing to worry about. If he is spending many hours away from home and coming in late. Then maybe. Some of the signs, If he comes in and heads immediately to the bathroom. Or if he always has a breathe freshener or high scented gum. If he is wearing something different on the same day. stuff like that. If you confront him make it non shilant. Make a joke of it or ask him a what if question in a joking mater. But as I said first be careful because it could just be your mind going nuts because you found one or two messages. It could have been a wrong number or it could have been a friend joking with him. Ask a close friend of his that is close with you and that you can trust not to say anything to him. Start the conversation with that friend, " What would you do if (his name) was cheating on me would you tell me?" something like that.
2006-12-03 01:02:45 · answer #2 · answered by mongo3434 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Laura,
You must be even more confused now than you were before you posted the question. In response to quite a few women who have replied to you, NOT all men cheat, I know this because I have not, I have been with the same woman for 20yrs On January 17th. So please do not become deeply mistrusting and suspicisous cause this will cause you no end of problem...paranoia for one.
Now I am not saying that he is or is not cheating, from what you have said the one question that you need to ask yourself "What made you go through his phone in the first place" so there must have been something he did or said something friends or family said or did.Answer that question, once you answer that then confront him regarding the text messages. No Matter how hard and uncomfortable it is stick to your guns, but keep calm.
You might want to think about a couple of things. When you confront him..the outcomes.
he may admit it (somemen/women are cheats but not liars)..........what do you do
he may deny it
would go through these in your head......
Do not let him make you feel guilty, as your feeling like you are is probably something he has said or done.
anyway goodluck and I hope it all works out for you
2006-12-03 05:31:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you have a close relationship, then it shouldn't matter if you were looking at his phone or not. If he REALLY had something to hide, he would delete the messages as soon as he got them.
Then again, if you think he is cheating, and you have gone behind his back to check his phone, there is obviously something lacking in your relationship that means you don't trust him, no matter how close you are. Think about what is important in your relationship and whether you realistically have reason to suspect him of cheating apart from the text messages, which could very well be innocent banter between friends! I know I've done it without anything going on!
If you are really convinced after that - then confront him. Better to be safe that sorry. If he isn't cheating, you will know. If he is cheating, it would be better to find out earlier that living a lie.
Good Luck.
2006-12-03 01:38:20 · answer #4 · answered by Kami 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he's cheating, you know. You already know, don't you? Otherwise you wouldn't have posted the question on here - you'd have dismissed those texts out of hand because you knew that they were a joke or something. If you've got this far, he's cheating. In fact, before you went through his phone you suspected something, otherwise you wouldn't have done it in the first place.
Confront him and see how he reacts. If he very calmly explains to you that there is a logical explanation, then maybe take his word for it. However, if he does any of the following: laughs, gets angry at you or dismisses it immediately without explanation, he's lying.
I'm really sorry for your troubles. Good luck.
2006-12-03 00:59:11 · answer #5 · answered by sallybowles 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've spent 3 years with him! Try the softly, softly approach. I feel we are not as close, am i imagining it? Do you think we need some thinking time? Is this relationship going anywhere? Can you imagine being together this time next year? Do you love me? If he is cheating, it might be his way of saying he's not happy, can you doing something about it? You must put your mind at rest and prepare for the worst. It's the worst time of the year to it, but you will be happier in the long run.
Good luck
2006-12-03 00:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No excuses for dirty messages. Even if he is not cheating, a girl will not be bold enough to leave a message like that unless he has led her on. Do confront him, just tell him you were looking for somebody's number and ran across the message. He owes you an explanation. Jot her number down and keep it just in case you are not satisfied with his explanation.
2006-12-03 01:06:44 · answer #7 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Becomes cold to you
Becomes distant
Stops being as compassionate
Stops doing things for you
Stops calling
Stops answering the phone
Doesn't want to talk on the phone as much
Doesn't want to spend as much time with you
Doesn't want to make love anymore
Doesn't want to pleasure YOU anymore
Makes excuses
Late to things you two are engaging in
Hides his phone
Doesn't speak on the phone in front of you
Becomes defensive when you want to talk about things
Doesn't want to talk about things anymore
* Go with your instinct babe.. 9/10 if you think your man is cheating he is... Dirty messages is pretty intense... that is bullcrap.. I wouldn't go as far as telling him you found them... To me that is enough assurance to be more suspicious about everything.. What is he writing back to this chick.. If he is writing back, you better put the foot down then for sure.. If you want him to run all over you, then don't do anything.. When confrontation comes about it tho, I would not bring up the phone REGARDLESS. He will turn this around into you and blame all of it on you and make you feel as if you were the one to blame.. for being psycho, controlling, obstrusive etc.. If he becomes defensive, upset or angry and not loving, caring and compassionate about it, more than likely he is.. Wish you the best of luck and don't put up with his bullcrap.. II have been down the same road! If he writes back and it isn't pretty, why STAY? who wants a dishonest liar that does stuff behind your back? You don't deserve it no matter how much your into him.. there will be a guy out there that doesn't do that to you! Good luck sweetie :)
2006-12-03 01:03:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous Wife 24F 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have been in the same situaiton. I saw messages his phone from a girl, and messages to this girl with things that you'd only say to a partner. but you just have to realise that maybe its nothing. I kept all my feelings of him cheating for 3 months secret, And it made our relationship really tough and rocky. Just confront him. If he loves you enough, he will understand that you are just upset and would like an explanation. Altthough my partner was upset with me fr looking down his phone, he explained all the messages to me, and they all made sense the way he explained them. If you keep your feelings hidden away, its going to strain your relationship. If he loves you enough, he will explain them, and will not be too bothered by the fact you looked. Im talking from experience here. Hope it helps XxXxXxX
2006-12-03 00:58:38 · answer #9 · answered by SuPeRsTaR 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If i was you i would of called the number that the texts were from and asked the girl. Dont let him get away with this if my boyf had messages like that i would go mad and confront him.If he is not cheating why would he have dirty messages from another female......
It all sounds very dodgy, and your letting him have his cake and eat it!!
Just ask him why he had messages on his phone from another girl, if he ask why was you looking at his phone say that its a good job you did or you wouldnt have found the messages.
good luck , dont let him mug you off confront him, dont waste your time on him....
2006-12-03 01:09:05 · answer #10 · answered by Suzan D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never go through your bf's phone without his permission.... yes you may have found this information but you have no ground to stand on because you invaded his privacy......Imagine if he did that to you , how would you feel????
If he's cheating he will be more likely to be a lot more stand offish,
Not give you as much attention as usual,
He won't look you in the eye when you ask him questions on where he was because he's afraid you'll see the guilt in his eyes....
2006-12-03 02:04:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋