mother in law?

Question

i am worried about my husband, he gets compared with his brothers he is the eldest but because he has been married b4 with 3 children b4 he met me, his mother is always comparing him that the other boys have more than him.
he says it's starting to get like a chore to see her, his brothers have their own house we don't we rent. we would love to own but it's to dear where we live.
i have spoken to my mother in law about this but she denies saying " that she doesn't compare them to each other", the other day was a prime example she said to my husband that " if the boys were in trouble she would have no hesitation , but to help them" .

and yet she won't help us, can some1 help me as i am worried my husband may say something he won't regret. or he will do something

Answer 1

Some times parents compare their children & it gets to the children doesn't matter what age.
Your husband needs to sit down with his mother & explain what he doesn't like about her behavoir & she should stop .If she denies it,you guys should start moving away from her.
When she calls to ask why u guys don't meet up with her anymore explain to her once again why & that you won't meet her till she stops.
We all love our parents but that doesn't mean we turn a blind eye to thier faults especially when it is having an adverse affect on you

Answer 2

I went through this with my ex and his mother. There was 6 boys and my ex was the one that they always belittled. For 7 years all ever heard when we went over was about ones house, the other ones new car this one was getting this or another was doing that. We both worked and lived a comfortable life but chose to stay out of debt for anything other than our house if we could while all of them were living the life of luxury and had payments out the whazoo every month. My ex one day finally had enough and told his mom how he felt and said although he might not live as well as them he would put his savings account against theirs any day and would guarantee his family was a lot happier and walked out they didn't speak for about a month and then he came home one day and said the company they owned was going bankrupt well guess what we still had our house, cars and savings all of them lost everything and filed bankruptcy within the year. You and your husband are right for not trying to go into debt for something you know would be a struggle and if he is paying support on his kids then he is being a decent man and his mother needs to be thankful for that. I know you love your husband BUT this is something he has to deal with his way and when he has enough he will do what he needs to do.

Answer 3

First, you need to sit down with your mother-in-law, you and your husband, and tell her to stop putting out poisonous remarks. The statements she is making are like a slow poison to you and your husband.

The fact that she compares and seemingly degrades your husband is probably because she wishes he would change...do better, improve his lifestyle, etc., but she does not know how to do it. She loves you both or she wouldn't care what you do. Appeal to that love. Say something like: Mother, think about your nagging...when you're talking about me...it's like hitting me when I'm down.

If she is financially able, she could give you a down payment for a house, and your rent might cover the mortgage payments.

The problem with a lot of mothers is they don't realize how expensive it is to live in today's world. They had their young children when food, clothing and living expenses were very low compared to today.

If she really wants to see you in your own home, ask her to help you figure out how to do it. Be open with her. Show her your budget. Her demeanor might change when she has all the facts.

Another thing to consider is changing jobs and even where you live. There are places in the United States where it is not as expensive to live as it is in other places. Get some information about relocating. Talk to your mother about that and she will see that you really would like to improve/change your financial and living conditions.

Even if you never move or buy your own house, you will have brought her into solving the problem instead of bad-mouthing your husband everytime you see her.
Good luck, and PEACE in the family.

Answer 4

First and foremost, I'm really sorry to hear the situation you and your husband are in. I think it's best to stay away from your mother-in-law as much as possible or else her comments (comparing your husband to his siblings) will just aggravate him all the more.

If your husband, for some reason, keeps seeing his mom even with her constant berating, then maybe he is emotionally tied to her in some way. I'm not trying to sound condescending, but a mother's bond despite being verbally abusive, is a very very strong thing... and more often than not, the child finds himself/herself still emotionally attached to his/her mom eventhough they don't get a long. It's best to stay away from her if she's going to behave like a big baby everytime you and your husband visits her. You two don't need to tkae that sort of crap from her anymore.

Answer 5

your mother in law is right on one thing you and him need to look to buy a house because you are throwing money away renting when you could be buying a house you need to have something for the kids when they get older. but the other stuff your mother in law has picks of her kids. and the ones that she is thinking so highly about will let her down one day. and if she get sick they wont be there for her. and she will need your husband to see about her that's why no mother should think very highly of one child over another one. because she will never know who she will need when she is down and can't take care of her self.

Answer 6

I don't agree with the mother in law comparing her sons... But maybe she is just concerned that your husband doesn't have his home for his money. But you know what, that is none of her business.

Answer 7

Sounds like it is time to stop spending so much time in an unpleasant situation. If she is annoying you, stop seeing so much of her. Familial love is a wonderful, powerful thing, but you must love yourselves above that in order to protect your mental and physical health.
If Mom can't see she compares them, but it still hurts him anyway, he needs to be out of the situation where he is getting hurt.
HTH good luck!

Answer 8

I feel really sorry for your husband. I think with these things you just have to recognize what the other person is like and then move on, learn how to carry on and not let it affect you.

Answer 9

My mother is the same way maybe he should say something I did and she finally backed off.

Answer 10

Mother in law just sucks!!!!! I avoid whenever possible so to lessen any confontation they we might have.