My daughter has never met her father she's getting to the age where she will start asking about him the problem is i dont know how to tell her i dont know where he is i've tried to get in contact but without any sucess he left when i was 5 mth pregnant now know one can find him what do i tell her ?
2006-12-02 21:46:34 · 11 answers · asked by missletka 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I just thought i'd mention that my daughter is 3 yrs old so not quite sure how to tell her
2006-12-02 21:54:21 · update #1
My father left when my mother was pregnant, I can't exactly tell you what to say, but from my experience i could tell you what to possibly steer clear of if it helps. My mother since she didn't know, did not even tell me his name - make sure your daughter know's she has a daddy. Don't lie to her, tell her what you know and what is appropriate to her age. Maybe something along the lines of, Daddy isn't around (not in that words lol) but uoi are very lucky to have a mummy that loves you THIS MUCH. Don't diss him to her or say anything bad about him. make sure you tell her it wasn't anything she did to make him leave, drill that into her, Children have a way of thinking its there fault.
2006-12-02 22:03:24 · answer #1 · answered by Rylee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK. Maybe now isn't the best time to tell her the truth saying, "I can't find him." She won't understand that. I'm in the same situation though and I've thought about what to tell my daughter. Her father is a big druggie/alcoholic. He knew I was pregnant and he cut off the communication so I didn't try to persue him...it was a hopeless cause. Anywho...for me, the truth would be that her dad didn't want a thing to do with me or her. That is a no-no because kids think differently than us. They will interpret that as, "He didn't want me." Maybe it's true, but that doesn't mean they should hear that b/c it's hurtful. Maybe you should start by telling her that her daddy isn't here because he wasn't ready to be a daddy. That way, she won't get the idea that he didn't want her, but that he wasn't ready. I would personally wait until she is a bit older to tell her that you can't get in touch with him and you don't know where to find him. To me, if he is that irresponsible, now would not be the time to get him involved. He may get to know her just to leave and that would be the worst for her.
Anyhow, good luck with whatever you decide. I hope everything works out for you!!
2006-12-03 13:28:11 · answer #2 · answered by Hootie562 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest. That's what she wants. She may be crushed,.. but it's not your fault.
Tell her he left when you were 5 months pregnant with her (you knew you were going to get a child in about 4 months) but he was actting like a cranky baby and didn't want to take care of a baby,.. let her know there wasn't any way for him to know her yet and you do not understand how anyone could refuse such a beautiful, smart little girl,.. but she wasn't there yet.
I can't seem to word that right.
Ya,.. be honest,.. he couldn't see her yet and took off,.. men and boys tend to be like that.
Now if he is in the milatery or something and that is how/why he left,.. let her know he is trying to be a Hero. Guess it depends on things huh.
Added: Just so you know she may be crushed no matter what you say because some people she knows are playing the " I have a Mommy and Daddy" game thing. Not an actual game,.. just there are times when kids are like " I have a Mommy and Daddy,.. that's my mommy,.. that's my daddy,.. everyone has a Mommy and Daddy,.. you can't not have a Mommy and Daddy".
2006-12-02 22:00:21 · answer #3 · answered by sailortinkitty 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be honest with her. She is only 3 years old, so she might not truely understand just yet. When she does start asking, just tell her that her daddy had to go away and you dont know where he went. When she gets older to actually understand, then you can give her more details, like: he left when you were 5 months pregnant. Honesty is the best policy people always say. I wish ya the best!
2006-12-03 00:01:04 · answer #4 · answered by PfcsBaby 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's 3. Be sure to tailor your answer to her age. She may not understand the reasons why and that you have tried to contact him without success right now. But please, always be honest with her.
Tell her that she even though she doesn't have a daddy who lives with her, she does have one. If she persists, ask her why she wants to know; maybe another child has asked her why she doesn't have a daddy. You can always tell her that there are different kinds of families in the world and not every family has a daddy in it. Always reinforce the fact that you love her and that you will be there for her no matter what.
Have you tried to collect child support from this person? If you haven't filed for it, do it. The courts will do everything they can to find him and make him pay.
Good luck to you!!
2006-12-03 03:12:38 · answer #5 · answered by Rene KG 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her "Some families are just mommies & kids and some families are just daddies & kids,one day we may have both mommy & daddy in our family" .Use simple language that her mind can understand without making it complex or making it seem like it's a bad thing.
2006-12-02 22:04:58 · answer #6 · answered by Dylan aka Dilly 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on how old the child is, i for one would look for him (the father ) that is and tell him he has a child.
then it's up to him then if he wants to see the child if he doesn't well at least u know where he is so u can tell the child,.
as for the child be honest with her and tell her the truth
2006-12-02 21:54:13 · answer #7 · answered by T O 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, im not a parent, but i think honesty is the best policy... that sounds like a really tough situation tho. best of luck.
2006-12-02 21:52:34 · answer #8 · answered by christina rose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess that's better than telling her you don't know WHO he is.
But it's sad that a parent can abandon a child that way.
It's his loss.
2006-12-02 21:55:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her what you jut said here, the truth.
2006-12-02 21:53:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋