u have a good friend who i have known for almost my whole life. when i was 12 he gave me my first kiss. since then we have just been great friends but have always loved each other, but maintained our obligations to our religion.
about a month or two ago he approached me with the idea of getting married. he didnt propose... he just asked me if how i felt about this idea. i told him i definitely wasnt opposed but since i am only 18 and he is only 20 we should think about it a little bit more first.
two weeks from that i found out he slept with a someone on one of his business trips. he recently smoked weed. and also, he says that he has come close to having sexual relations with another man.
he claims that he was in a state of depression (both of his parents passed away recently) and that is the only reason these things happened. he is very sorry and wants to make a life together and do right by me.
does anyone think there is anything left to salvage here?
2006-12-02 20:56:33 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
In case I didn’t make it clear in the question I do love him very much and wish that we could be together.
2006-12-02 20:56:43 · update #1
i am only posting this here b/ i am a very religious person and am also interested in a more spiritual perspective on my problem
2006-12-02 20:59:17 · update #2
The only way the two of you are going to have a meaningful relationship is to both get saved and get yourself into a Bible focused Christian church.
This gentleman is not living up to his expectations of a biblical role model and husband in the home and unless he gets saved it will only get worse from here.
2006-12-02 20:59:34 · answer #1 · answered by Last Ent Wife (RCIA) 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There is a young couple in my church whose love story may help you. They also knew each other since their very early teens and they fell in love. They asked the pastor abput the possibility of getting married when they were 20 and 21. The pastor gave them this advice: let a year or two pass. In the meantime, you both go to separate colleges... meet others and try to enjoy your singlehood. If in a year or two you feel the same about each other, come back to me and we'll talk about marriage. The couple did as the pastor advised. The man said it was the loneliest and most miserable time of his life. The woman said she dated someone else during this time but could raise up no deeper emotion for him than freindship. At the end of two years, the man and woman were sure that they belonged to each other. They got married; now have two children; a home which they are paying off; and are the Church's worship leaders.
All I am saying here is, you need to be sure in yur heart of hearts about the man you are talking about. And he needs to be sure in his heart of hearts about you. Time, some distance and much prayer for guidance can help you see what's what.
2006-12-03 05:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by Phoebhart 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I can give you is to pray to God and ask. Personally I would not marry any man who had a relationship or even came close to it with another man. Is the someone he slept with on business male or female? If female I could accept that, but if male, I would just have to walk away. I would wait another year and stay friends and see what happens next, and remember, the Lord will show you the way. God Bless
2006-12-03 05:08:09 · answer #3 · answered by Dakota Lynn Takes Gun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously, smoking weed and having random gay thoughts isn't that bad. If he was doing speed or heroin and told you he screwed three different guys last week, that would be a problem. My man had sex with another man once, in a threesome with another girl, a long time ago, and he's smoked weed too. But he's responsible, goes to school and works and makes good money. We've been together for almost 6 years and in no way is he a bad guy. He has chosen his fun wisely, and doesn't get himself into bad situations. He doesn't screw people over, and is one of the most moral people I know. (I consider morality in terms of not screwing people over or being selfish).
That being said, I definitely think you are right to wait before you marry the guy. Y'all are still very young and have a lot of wild oats to sow and that's ok. Be together and just enjoy life and in a few years it may be right to get married.
2006-12-03 05:05:46 · answer #4 · answered by Reject187 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First up, I am a Christian, However I believe this principle is the same in both religions interpreted slightly differently...
The man is the head of the house, could you respect Him, Love Him and Honour HIm?
Can you put trust in Him for you and your future children, do you believe that He can be the Spiritual Head of the Home that you need?
I am 22 and Married, I would believe that answer these questions seek your God, or mine and get an answer from Him.
2006-12-03 06:13:47 · answer #5 · answered by Abbasangel 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well personally i dont think there are ANY excuses for cheating. smoking i could let slide. and how did you find out exactly? did he tell you or did you just happen to figure it out? and if he's really considered sleeping with other dudes maby he does need help. that sort of urge usually comes from people who have been sexually abused as a child. and if you do buy into his story i would definatly make him see a therapist. if depression is his excuse, then you have to make sure its treated because it DOES NOT go away on its own.
2006-12-03 05:03:04 · answer #6 · answered by random_killer312 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put it off. The best of marriages and the best relationships still add levels of stress which will only make unresolved problems worse.
One of the biggest lies in the world is that marriage resolves problems. If you are willing to die for him, go ahead. You just might.
2006-12-03 05:47:08 · answer #7 · answered by Tommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a mixed up and muddled young man, who is trying to grasp on to some security with his parents dying. Beware.
Make sure he is over all mistakes and meanderings before you take him seriously.
If you love each other it will hold through.
2006-12-03 05:10:07 · answer #8 · answered by AJ... Australia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay as far away from this guy as possible. Love can be very blinding. This guy is confused and can not be trusted. It's better to be lonely than with someone you can not trust.
2006-12-03 08:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by Amorifus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to go get some counseling...
Remember, you can't change someone, they have to want it for their self.
Good Luck.
2006-12-03 04:59:09 · answer #10 · answered by Yvette P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋