father against boyfriend... advices but preferably parents?

Question

i am chinese and 19. my dad is a businessman and very old-tradition. my boyfriend is mexican and i have been with him for five years now. but this whole time, my dad does not like me going out with him bc he thinks my boyfriend will not be able to provide me with a life that i might have with a more well-off guy (financially). my dad is always trying to hook me up with one of his business partner's sons! my mom on the other hand loves my boyfriend. everyone who knows my boyfriend says he is a good kid but they claim that he is not good enough for me! (i am just always one step ahead than kids my age) my mom told me to do whatever i want but i don't want my father to make my bf feel bad all the time! i just feel so tired of everyone thinking less of my bf.
should i listen to my father and leave my boyfriend? or should i just do whatever i want?
thank you!!

Answer 1

Well, unless you want to live a very "old-tradition" life, you don't need to allow your father to make this decision for you. But here are a few things to think about:

1. You need to decide how significant your love is.
2. You need to decide if you and your boyfriend share values and life goals. You may love him, but will a life together create stress, because your life goals are different than his? Or do you share similar dreams and goals?
3. You need to decide if you can tolerate your father's opinions, or if you can stand up to him. Don't expect Dad to change his behavior just because you wish he would. Either confront him and ask for a change, or learn to live with this. (By the way, even if you change boyfriends, expect more of the same from your father.)

Ultimately, this comes down to you and your dad. Unfortunately, some dads, in their efforts to be a good dad, start trying to protect their daughters by helping them make choices in their lives. I happen to think this is a control issue, or an ego flaw (where the father believes he is the ultimate perfect provider).

My recommendation would be to have a conversation to the tune of, "I love you Dad, but I don't want you making these decisions for me. In the long run, if you make the decisions and I don't like the way they turn out, I will resent you for it. Instead, I want you to respect me as an intelligent woman capable of making important decisions. You may not like my decisions, and you may not agree with them, and that's fine. But, I need you to butt out and stop being rude to the man I love."

Answer 2

You're the one that's going to have to live with any of the conditions that these decisions are going to make.
But I want you to understand that your dad is only doing what he thinks is best for you. He only wants you to be happy.
Your boyfriend should understand that what your dad does, he does out of love for you. If your bf loves you, then he should be thankful that your dad cares enough about you to worry.Your dad should feel the same way toward your bf.
Don't worry....any differences between them will all work out when each one of them sees how much the other loves you.

Answer 3

MY HUSBAND IS THE SAME WAY. HE NEVER LIKES ANY BOY THAT MY 2 DAUGHTERS LIKE. ONE IS 18 THE OTHER IS 17. YOUR DAD IS NOT LIKELY TO CHANGE. I BELIEVE YOUR DAD WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU AS ALL PARENTS DO. AND HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE TAKEN CARE AFTER HE HAS GONE. YOU DIDN'T SAY WHAT KIND OF A CAREER YOUR BOYFRIEND HAS OR HIS AGE. YOUR DAD MAYBE LOOKING AT ALL THIS TO. BUT YOUR MOM IS RIGHT. YOU WILL HAVE TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES. I MADE MINE WITH MY HUSBAND NEITHER OF MY PARENTS LIKED HIM. WE NOW HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR 21 YEARS. MY PARENTS STILL SPOKE TO ME BUT I FOUND MY HAPPINESS WITH MY HUSBAND. AND HE HAS MADE SURE I WAS CARED FOR.

Answer 4

Perhaps they should have duel, to fight for your honor. If boyfriend defeat honorable father, then he have your hand in marriage. If father win, then boyfriend go back to Tijuana and sell glow in dark dashboard Jesus.