This will be my 3 children and my first Christmas without their father (my husband) with us (he left 9 mnths ago & now living with another woman and her two children). Although I always liked our traditional Christmas, (putting out food/carrat for Santa, 'key' at door, opening stocking fillers, then gifts from Santa, etc the basic run of the mill traditional Christmas) I want to change or add to somehow make our Christmas's different - more magical. I just don't want us to be doing the same routine with a gaping big emotional vaccum of memories of Christmas's past.
2006-12-02 19:03:28 · 9 answers · asked by Hope 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You poor thing, how horrible for you! I do know what its like a bit as i was left with a 2 year old by my husband, but i just went to my mums.
I'm not really sure what to suggest. Is there anything that your husband didnt like or wouldnt have wanted to do that you and the kids would enjoy? Or something that you yourself used to do as a child that you could revive?
Someone else suggested that you be careful what you introduce/leave out because of the kids - and i'd go along with that. You never know what the most significant bits to them are without asking them.
I'm trying to think of 'magical' ideas. I think part of the magic of Christmas is the lights. Do you have a garden? Could you decorate that too? You can make simple lights by putting tea-lights in jam jars and hanging them from trees or fences. I've seen big baubles in the shops to decorate trees.
Or, if its safe with the kids (you dont say how old they are) light lots of candles at a certain point at Christmas eve.
There is some really good fake snow that i've seen. You mix the stuff up with water and it is really good and feels like snow, and you can make it cold too. I will try and find out what its called and come back to you with it.
Are you religious? Even if not, church services can be very magical and comforting. Especially if kids are old enough to go to an evening one. A pretty little church, dimly lit by candles, with a 'baby Jesus' crib is always lovely.
You could find out if the local church is going carol singing and join in.
Another idea would be to gather the kids up together, with duvets, and maybe something special and different to eat and drink and read aloud to them a Christmas story that they may not have heard before.
Whatever happens, in the future, they will always look back and know you tried your best and were there for them. Men can be such t*ssers, but for the kids sake try and be as civil as poss.
I hope your Christmas is as magical as possible. I'm sorry for your hurt. I do know how you feel.
2006-12-02 20:32:18 · answer #1 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I felt the same when it was my first Christmas as a lone parent - seven years ago. I love Christmas, and I was determined to make sure it would be a happy time for us all and not a big emotional vacuum of past memories, as you put it.
I brought my kids to Lapland the week before Christmas for four days - it was the most magical holiday EVER! We were there in a really cold snap - minus 20 degrees - and everything was really well organised and ran like clockwork, from the minute we got on the plane to the minute we got home.
We had so many fresh and happy thoughts about the trip, that Christmas went off without a problem - just doing the same things, but with a completely different undertone.
We still think of that holiday, and take out the pictures and movies every year - and we still hang the decorations they made in Santa's workshop on the tree!
It took me forever to pay for that trip - but it was worth every penny!
If you don't want to go to Lapland, plan to do something completely different in the run-up to Christmas - anything at all.
The idea is to set the tone so that everyone feels generally happy and excited, and Christmas is played out against a backdrop of excitement instead of dread or guilt or sadness.
The other thing (much more important), is that the kids should feel that you and your ex can be civil and communicate on some level, so there is no guilt attached when they go from one of you to the other. They should feel able to talk openly to you both. Never say negative things about your ex to them - he's still their dad, and they will always be his children, so be careful about the message you send them about who they come from.
I wish you a Merry Christmas!!
2006-12-02 19:24:00 · answer #2 · answered by RM 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Go caroling.
Attend a Christmas pageant.
Check with a relief agency in your area and find a family that you can "adopt" for the holidays.
Make home crafted ornaments for your tree and put them up on Christmas Eve.
Change the main course for Christmas dinner. Always had turkey? Cook a ham or something else instead.
Talk to your kids about this. Some traditions may be important to them regardless of your situation. Too much of a change may be more upsetting than leaving everything the same.
2006-12-02 19:24:39 · answer #3 · answered by rethinker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you are religious or not, there is more meaning to the season than gifts, Santa and food.
Be sure that you respect your children's need for continuity. Don't change things that will help them feel secure.
However, you can help them celebrate the true meanings of Christmas by emphasizing:
Time with Family
Gratitude for your Blessings
Giving
For Time With Family: Make an event out of decorating the tree. Involve everyone, take an outing to a tree farm, take photos. Have the children help prepare food for your special meals. Make a big deal out of it, and emphasize their culinary skills. Read a special story together on Christmas Eve.
To emphasize Gratitude: Have them all participate in making a list of 100 blessings, or 100 things you are grateful for. Help them write letters to Santa listing these things, rather than things they want. Have them write letters to Santa asking for gifts for other people, rather than themselves.
For Giving: Help them give to the needy. I've done this with my sons, when my office has adopted a family with little children. I have my sons pick out clothes and toys for the little ones and deliver those to the collection boxes at work. Help them craft homemade gifts for loved ones (Grandmothers love this).
As your children grow, their needs at the holidays will change, and it's OK to change the activities with them. Just stay emotionally in tune with them to ensure you don't change what's important to them.
2006-12-03 00:27:02 · answer #4 · answered by knowitall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do the same traditions as you have now but add in a few new ones and add some pre-Christmas day traditions to help "build up" to Christmas day.
Like have the kids help you put some of the christmas light up outside.
Let them pick out the tree
Make special cookies for christmas that you only make around Christmas (I make chocolate dipped marcoons, rumballs, raspberry chunkies, and chocolate pockets,)
Buy a few Christmas DVDs make some hot chocolate, a fire in the fireplace(if you have one) and some popcorn and watch the movies together.
Build snow people family outside.
Check what kind of local activities your community has going on (My family goes on Christmas day to see an re-enactments of washington crossing the delaware or we go downtown to see the light show.)
Try one of those Christmas light drive throughs.
Make your little ones Needlepoint stockings. ( my mom made all of us them and now I am making them for my children)
About a week before Christmas day make Christmas cookies that you can hang on the tree, then on Christmas day let them pick out their favorite shapes and let them eat the cookies.
2006-12-02 19:38:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could offer to help out with a group who is doing something for those who would otherwise be alone at Christmas (your local Salvation Army may well have a meal laid on)
They would love to see your children and seeing them enjoying themselves could well put a little magic into your children's Christmas...and help them to appreciate what they DO have inspite of the gap of Dad missing this year.
Do remember that those children will need extra support...it will, after all, be their first Christmas without Dad around.
2006-12-02 20:16:19 · answer #6 · answered by alan h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We stay up til 11:59 pm on Christmas eve and then go to bed really quickly before it hits midnight and Christmas.
2006-12-02 19:07:07 · answer #7 · answered by ~Amber~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
invite some members of your family to share it with you, or maybe have Christmas dinner at a restaurant, ask your children what they would like to do they may have some ideas
2006-12-02 19:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by puzzled? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the kids to Spain instead
2006-12-02 19:39:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋