Ok I really need your help on this one. My wife is from Africa and I from the states. This is the deal Myself and my wife also her sister live together in the same home. Example when we are all in the same room together watching the news, movie, or sometimes just sitting around well you get the point, they speak there native language back and forth between them about the above. But the kicker english is there second language, also the speak it well. Engilsh they learn when they are in the 1st grade all the way thru there education. My point... I told my wife how I feel on this matter but there is no change I think they are being rude. Please tell me how you feel about this. Thank you for your time.
James
2006-12-02 18:41:19 · 8 answers · asked by bmw740 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It is a difficult one. On one point of view it is nice for your wife to be able to speak her native tongue, as that is what come naturally to her. Yet the other point of view it is unfair of her to leave you out. I know this sounds patronising, but you are going to have to work on this together. Maybe get to learn some of their language, after all she has learned yours. Also keep talking to her, not in a nagging whiny way, but in a 'let's work on this together' kind of way, after all that is what marriage should be all about. Good luck!
2006-12-02 18:46:53 · answer #1 · answered by waggy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like English is your second language. Since they speak English very well (as you say), perhaps they are simply speaking their own language when they are around each other because it is more comfortable. Why don't you try learning their language. Pick a day a week where you all will speak the same language. You can learn theirs and they may help you with your own too.
2006-12-06 17:52:15 · answer #2 · answered by whadda-dingo-gal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
James, I have the same exact problem; except my wife and her sister are from Indonesia. I feel very excluded at times from the one place that I am supposed to be in charge of (how frustrating!) I have explained to both of them how I feel and the one thing that seems to work out well for us is when they do talk in Indonesian (and I don't blame them for getting in a little bit of the native tongue at home) they will update me every minute or so, so that I can get the gist of what they are talking about and not feel too left out (especially when there is laughing involved).
2006-12-06 19:54:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is rude. And it is also thoughtless since you have expressed a definite uncomfortableness. You have no way to participate in the conversation. Your wife and her sister should also respect the marriage relationship. It takes precedence over the sister to sister relationship. When you are not home they can chatter freely with each other, but not when you are home.
2006-12-03 02:47:21 · answer #4 · answered by lindakflowers 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I have a good idea!
You ask them which is dat language and search about it on the net.Then learn some sentences or write it down in dat language.This way your wife and her sister will feel happy in their own way and you too.
Try it out! I bet it'll work best though it'll take some time.
2006-12-03 02:53:49 · answer #5 · answered by Firdaus 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
They are being rude. Surely they have plenty of opportunities to converse in the other language when you are not in the room. Talking in a language you can't understand, when there's no need to, excludes you deliberately. Whether or not that's their intention, it is disrespectful to you in a really basic way, if they disregard how you feel. They need to admit to themselves that it's not as harmless as it feels to THEM, they are hurting you on purpose when they do that.
2006-12-03 02:50:36 · answer #6 · answered by zilmag 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do you or do you not; trust your wife? If you do, then don't try to rob her of her African heritage, its very important. You should also teach it to your children. My mom only speaks to her mom and brother in Thai, its cools, its makes me laugh hearing these weird languages.
2006-12-03 02:51:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
The best way would be to interrrupt your wife and start talking to her in English or give her a dirty look and tell her that you think they are making fun of you.
2006-12-03 02:45:03 · answer #8 · answered by skdonweb 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋