My little sister might die, what can I do and what do I say to comfort her ?

Question

My little sister has lupus and has had many complications. Her kidney functions were at 25% 2 weeks ago and now there down to 15%. She is on the list for a transplant, will it help? Can I be tested as a donor at a hospital in another state. My sister has two young daughters 3&5, she doesn't want to die. Please tell me how can I help her?

Answer 1

That's a tough burden, I'm sorry to hear that...

It's been my experience that it's much harder to see someone you love in pain than it is to bear it yourself.

My inadequate thoughts:

Be there for her as much as possible, even though it hurts.

Let her know she can talk to you about how she's feeling, and what she's thinking, even if you don't really feel like hearing it. Don't make her be the strong one and protect you.

Let her know her daughters will never have to worry about anything if she isn't there for them.

Do your own research and keep informed, sometimes we don't get lucky and have professionals who care about our loved ones, but sometimes we do.

Pray for her and with her. I'm not a real religious kind of guy, but I know from experience that this can help.

Take care...

Answer 2

Hi.

First of all, if you haven't already, it would help her if you are familiar with lupus - and in what ways it can affect someone. There is a rather good site here which can provide some useful information.

http://www.lupusuk.com/ They are a UK organisation but the information will be valid wherever you are in the world. there is a good Q&A section too.

As you might already know the skin and kidneys are the most commonly affected organs with lupus. The upshot of this is that properly managed, most people livng with lupus have a normal life expectancy.

Is you little sister treatable with renal dialysis (kidney machine) if her kidneys degenerate a little more before a transplant organ is available? I do not know American rules and reg with regard to allowing living-sibling transfusion, I would suggest that the hospital treating her might be aposition to guide you about that aspect.

Assuming for just a moment that for some reason dialysis is not possible (though I cannot see why), then unless your sister makes it clear she does not wish to deal with the truth, then be as honest as you feel able to be with her.

For someone who is coming to terms with their own mortality only to find everyone saying "oooh, it will be just fine, you'll be great" is actually not helpful - though they do understand that people are just trying to be kind.

So, suggestions:-

1. Speak to the hospital - enquire about her ability to be given dialysis for as long as is required

2. Speak to the hospital about the option of being test for a "living donor" - or whatever the correct phrase is in the US

3. Take a little time to familiaise yourself with what Lupus is - how it affects people and what sort of things can be of benefit to people living with it.

I wish I could be more constructive, but one good point is certainly that the doctors would NOT be considered a transplant if they felt it would not benefit her.

I am NOT a religious person, however if you sister finds comfort in religion, then even if it doesn't do too much for you, sharing her thoughts about "higher things" may also bring her comfort.

Answer 3

First off, yes, you can get tested at another hospital. Do it Monday, for sure. You want a tissue type done, analysis, explain it to them, they will be appreciative of your desires.

Now, the other part: Just show her the love that you feel, have always felt for her. Remember fun times you two had, or crazy stuff, fond times. But not in any way that sounds like a final walk down memory lane.
Share your love for her, with her right now. Talk also about positive things, getting better, bring as much hope to her as you possibly can, friend. Hold her hands, and remember that laughter is the best medicine, except for that transplant.

Best best of luck, and my prayers are with you!
/R

Answer 4

That's a hard one. If you really want to donate I'm sure you could be tested. Go ask your doctor. And as far as helping her all you can do is let her know your there for her. I take it you must live in another state. If you can afford it pay her a visit. Or nothing else send her a rose. That always says, I love you. I wish ya'll the best & I'll say a prayer for ya'll. Haveing someone that close to you go through something like this is hard on you as well as her.

Answer 5

First, tell her that you love her. She is obviously in a very challenging situation, and I know you feel. Contact her doctors and nurses, so can find the right info about transplants. Also, keep thinking good things. Tell her good things about life. Make her laugh and keep her at ease. Make sure that everyone, including yourself, are eating and drinking healthy things. Get enough sleep and enjoy funny movies and great music. All of these things will add strength. I am thinking of you and your family.

Answer 6

I'm So Sorry to hear this! I'd only say to pray Now and pray Hard! This will help at least!

Can one of you donate a portion or not?

Answer 7

Pray to God. If your atheist, tell God that if she gets better that you will become a believer. If you are a believer make a promise to God and do it if she gets better. I wish your sister good health and I hope that everything works out.
~Reyanne~

Answer 8

You can pray, ask to be tested, and keep the faith. God works in mysterious ways and miracles do happen in this day and age. God has a plan for each and every one of us.

Best wishes.

Answer 9

just Be with her...family is the most important to her for now..in this time..and also be strong in front of her don' t make her feel pitiful. Just make her happy in simple ways like just being there beside her.

Answer 10

I think just being near her, giving her someone to talk to could be a big help.I hope she will be okay , I will say a prayer for her.