How can I support my son during his time of grief?

Question

My son, a newly truck driver, just found out his girlfriend had committed suicide. He is very upset. He thinks if he was there, this would not had occurred. He is many miles from us at the moment and I have a very heavy heart. I feel like the wind has been pressed out of me (and I never met this young lady, only talked to her on the phone!) I cannot imagine what he is feeling. Can someone give me a direction where I can at least help him out? I just don't know what to say to him.....he was very much in love with her. I told him it was not his fault but he seems to do the "if I" or "what if.." He just got out of Iraq where many of his friends were killed, now this. I want him to know that life is more than death. Suggestions?

Answer 1

Look for grief counseling in your area's phone book.

Answer 2

When someone commits suicide that is close to you, you are going to feel some sort of guilt, like I should have been here, I should have called, I could have done something. The truth is, if she really wanted to do it, she would have found a way around him. The red flags that we miss sometimes can be so small to us, that we don't even realize a person is even comtemplating taking their own life. I would say that your son is going to need you to be there for him. If I were miles away, I would find whatever way was needed to get to him. Let him grieve and open up to you, but give him some time to get his thoughts in order too, he's been through a lot, he might not know how to express it, just be there with him, in the quiet, anger, sadness, and all the other emotions that go with losing a loved one. The most important thing is that he knows you're there and that you love him. Go to him!

Answer 3

My aunt felt the same way when her my uncle killed himself while she was away on business. She talks to a physcaratrist and seems to be doing alot better now.

I don't think that it would have mattered if your son was home or not. If a person has a strong desire to commit suicide they will do it whether they are alone in live or are constantly surrounded by people that love them. Usually they are battling something inside. Maybe if she would have spoken up about her feelings, she might still be here.

Answer 4

I am very sorry for this terrible news. I have learned that people will do what they do. It is impossible to control another human being. She obviously was very sad, and she needed to leave this world so she could avoid all of the pain. There is no doubt that she is happy now and pain-free. I'm sure that she loved your son very much, however she could not help what she did. Even if your son had been there, she still would have done this. It wasn't his fault, because she made her decision. She is OK now, and I'm sure that she wants all of you to know that. Once again I am very sorry to hear about her death.

Answer 5

Right now..the best you can do is be there for your son..let him grief..be a strong shoulder for him. He will likely say many things right now that will be upsetting. She must of been depressed for awhile.. Whether he was there or not..likely would not have mattered. What a difficult time he is going Thur..and I can feel your helplessness within your words...just listen to him..keep telling him it was not his fault..something deep inside her was going on..something she kept hidden...try to see if there is grief counselling for him around. The poor guy..so much to deal with...good thing he has a strong caring dad to turn to .

Answer 6

can you go to your son SOON ? try and spend some time with him . i know you dont want to hear this but your son may feel like he needs to follow her, it sounds awful but he'll start to feel as if the load is too heavy and the easy way would be to join her. i know, my brother commited suicide january and the pain is not going away! your son needs family or someone close around him as soon as possible, you need to remind him of the pain it causes the ones you leave behind, good luck im already praying for you both

Answer 7

Be there for him...are you able to go for a visit...or try to convince him to get a fresh start and move to your city.
Keep repeating the things that you are....Not his fault....even if he was there...if her heart was set on this...there is no way anyone could have it or stopped it. Tell him after talking to her and knowing how she felt about him....she wouldn't have wanted him to blame himself...this was her issue...she would have wanted him to be happy....and not worry for her.....
AS far as his friends in Iraq on top of this....does he go to church...or did while living with you....could or would he speak to a pastor,priest or someone at the church?

Best wishes

Answer 8

I know this is a terriable time, when I was in high school my boyfriend killed himself and I took it really hard. But just being there and letting him know that whatever emotions he feels are ok is important. Time heals all wounds, not completely. Every year when the date comes I remember him and that time, it will always be there on some level but time passes and you go on.

Answer 9

in times of bereavment show you care......it may sound silly but i read something about this.......make sure he eats, yeah i know but if his nutrition is ok the he will have the mental stability to deal for one example of why......................know that the first year of his life from this point on will bw very hard as he goes through holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries for the first time since her death.....................i really am not 100% sure on other ideas i have so i will not list them, EXCEPT get on- line, or in a book, or find a "group" on bereavment for your son and get educated on this topic, then you will know how for you to support your son. p.s. you took the first step w/ that question, in my eyes.