Grandparents that dont care....?

Question

I married my husband 5 and half years ago now. 3 years ago we had our first child, a boy. My husbands family have never liked me. I was never good enough for them. But for some reason they seem to now take it out on their son, and grandchild. They dont ever spend any time with our little guy, and make promises to see him and then never show up. They will come and visit my hubbys sister and her 3 kids for a week, and our son is lucky to see them for an hour during that week. My son is now starting to pick up on the fact that Nanny and Poppy never spend anytime with him. He was promised by them a visit today and they have not shown up. He is asking us constantly where they are. We both dont know what to do or say.
It is now to the point where hubby has thrown his arms up in the air and is about to tell his parents to go jump and not bother with us at all anymore. Although I dont like his family, this upsets me as family is very important to me. HELP

Answer 1

This is a very sad situation that I am all to familar with. I know that it hurts your son to know that his grandparents dont seem to care and I know that its hurting your husband to know that his parents are acting this way. I think that you should first talk to the little boy and tell him that you cant always depend on some people to keep their promises but you can always depend on mom and dad. Make sure he know that no matter what happens that mom and dad will always love him and be there for him. Then tell you husband that he needs to tell his parents that they need to stop getting your sons hopes up that they are coming and never show and tell them that if they cant treat him right at least that they dont need to be around at all. My suppose to be grandmom did me the same way and to this day we never talk and my suppose to be dad, never tried to ever attempt to do anything about it.
She will do anything for my little sister who has a different mother than me and her other grandkids but when it comes to me she dont do a dang thing. See my mom dont live the same life style as her and my sister mom do and if she did I guarentee that she would be all over me and my mom.
My mom didnt fill my head up with anything about her, these are feeling that I developed on my own and now since I am grown I dont have to talk to her even if she begged me and my dad either. Hopes everything works out.

Answer 2

If they don't want to be grandparents to your little one, then just send them holiday cards, don't invite them over, etc Don't let your son know if they have been invited over, he won't understand that his grandparents are asses

My mother inlaw is the same way. My son hasn't seen her in almost a yr and a half. She doesn't talk to me. If she wants to know how my son or my pregnancy is going she asks my hubby, who is in the service and not even in the same state as our son and I. She only sends my son presents on his birthday and Christmas besides that he doesn't hear from her. She only sees him if we visit her. She keeps saying that she is going to visit us but never has, except for my son's first birthday ( Which was the last time and only time she visited us.)

I don't think that my son even realizes that he has another grandmother besides my mother, sometimes.

Answer 3

Since they're your husbands parents, he is the one who should talk to them. You probably won't be able to change them, so you should do what is best for your son. Don't let them make promises to him, if you don't think they'll keep them. Hopefully, they will come to their senses, and realize that they love their grandchild and want to spend time with him!

Answer 4

I'm really sorry to hear about this. At least your husband sees that this is happening and is on your side. You all need to sit down with them at tell them how you guys feel. It's not fair to you, your husband and your son to have to endure this kind of pain. Hopefully they will understand their stupidity and will come to accept you. They need to realize by ignoring and being mean to you that they are also inadvertently hurting their grandson as well. I pray that everything will work out and good luck!

Answer 5

I agree that your husband should be the one to talk to them. But whether he does or not, you or your husband should ask that they no longer make promises to your son about visits. If they want to come by, let it be a surprise to him from now on. That's very unfair to a small child. If they get offended and upity, who cares? Let 'em walk.

Answer 6

Try explaining it to your husband's parents. Although they don't like you, they should definately be supportive of your husband, their son, and your son, their grandchild. Explain the importance of a grandmother/grandfather figure to them, and hope for the best. If they have even the least bit of decency, they might try and see your point of view.

Answer 7

My parents got divorced when I was little and I had to move with my mum at my grandparents.I was very sad and I cried a lot but although the first thing that my grandma said to me was "why couldn't you stay with your dad don't want to see you here!''
I learn to forgive people but I could never forgive her for that,not even today after 10 years.Some people just don't care.If they are feeling good,nothing else matters for them!

Answer 8

Try visiting your mother-in-law alone, in a neutral setting (restaurant for coffee). Talk to her about your marriage, your son. Tell her about his disappointment. Don't accuse, or attack. Just listen. If that doesn't work, gram-ma and gram-pa don't deserve grandchildren. Find out what the REAL problem is.

Answer 9

Stop involving yourself and your kid in their lives. These people are toxic and contribute nothing to his well-being. Cut them free. Don't subject your child to this treatment- protect him. Just distance yourself, stop calling, stop expecting and stop making plans with them. Back far far away and be happy with your own lives.

Answer 10

They might have a problem with you, but they should in no way affect how they react with an innocent child. They sound childish.