Was this relationship abusive?(emotionally, mentally ........)?

Question

Was this relationship abusive?(emotionally, mentally ........)

I was kind of old when i had my first boyfriend, i was 16. I had all my firsts with him including my first kiss and sex. At first we could talk about anything especially sex. then after things got serious he started acting wierd he would allow his cousin to tease me that i talked "white" and he told me i had to change talking that way and that i needed to be more "hood' and that i had to get rid of one of my girlfriends because she dressed wierd. Then he would contantly question the relationship between my guy friend and i he even asked his female cousin because he knew we were friends. But when i would ask him stuff like his favorite color he would get mad and tell me that i was annoying and it was like everything i said was stupid. When we started having sex he said it would help our relationship i was dumb i kno, i just wanted to be close to him you kno (he was my first) but when i asked him if i could see his penis he got all defensive and asked why i wanted to see it and how he didnt want to see my vigiana and the only way i was going to see it is if i gave him oral sex and he doesnt give oral sex he said it was nasty. in the end he broke up with me because i told him i didnt want to have sex any more becuz i didnt like it and he said it my fault i didnt like it and that i was a bad girlfriend and he wouldn't be surprised if i was a gay, be cuz he never had any complaints before. he said that "i was a just a little girl cuz i couldnt even handle a dick" Im just not sure if he was right because his cousin that was my friend said the same thing: it was my fault. I just feel so guilty and stupid like it was my fault becuz this was my first relationship and it failed so horribly... I feel hopeless

Answer 1

wow. i'm so sorry.

Answer 2

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I know how bad it feels to give up your virginity to a guy who turns out to be a jerk later and you regret it. You can't change the past, you know better now, but don't blame yourself for what happened - you acted based on what you knew at the time. Your ex is obviously a jerk and has displayed classic signs of emotional abuse. First they start telling you what to wear, what not to wear, which friends to stop seeing, etc...they become controlling, and it can escalade to physical abuse too. Him dumping you is your blessing, even if you can't see it as one now you will realize this in a few years. Him and his cousin are wanna be players, and they are both jerks, why would you take what they both say to heart? Plus, it's his cousin, so he would say anything because he's on his side. Don't feel hopeless, I know it hurts now, but trust me it will get better and you will meet a guy who genuinely cares for you in the future. It will get better, time does heal all wounds. If he loved you and cared for you he wouldn't treat you like that. Remember, any guy who doesn't want to be with you if you refuse sex is only with you for sex, so don't waste your time and feelings on a jerk like that. Next time you're in a relationship tell a guy up front that you don't want to have sex...if he leaves, then good riddance, because if he really loves and cares for you he will stay because you will mean too much to him and he won't want to lose you. Stay strong, and a good motto to live by is "only love those who love you."

Answer 3

Yes it was a form of abuse. He was only in it for what he could get from you. That's not what a relationship should be. You showed more maturity than any one mentioned here.Congratulations.
Don't feel hopeless...feel good about the fact that you didn't allow him to drag you down to his level. It's a hard lesson to learn,but better to learn it now than later.

Answer 4

you may bypass away. you will get the divorce on an identical time as he's deployed. it quite is the terrific time for you and your infants. you will could touch the MP, criminal professional and all that jazz coping with the militia. checklist him that he has been abusive to you. the militia does not take specific issues like that gently. you may checklist him, divorce him and get as far as way as obtainable. it quite is terrific to perform a little of those on an identical time as he's deployed. He won't get arrested or something on an identical time as he's deployed, yet whilst he does come domicile it will be taken care. inspite of the undeniable fact which you choose to be as far-off as obtainable and with some risk-free practices. (court docket order risk-free practices). you mustn't could positioned up with this. no one merits to be abused. you may have additionally pronounced the rape to the police. Your husband can no longer save you with him. He does no longer very own you. additionally no ideal court docket of their techniques will enable a solider save his infants whilst the solider keeps getting deployed and there is practice he abuses you.

Answer 5

First thing you need to do is learn to summarize better.

This guy sounds kind of racist to white people. Hes a piece of ****.
I have to wonder how you never saw his penis if you had sex.

Answer 6

YES IT WAS ABUSIVE, BUT YOU WERE YOUNG AND HE
WAS YOUR FIRST. BUT YOU KNOW THAT THIS KIND OF
BEHAVIOR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. YOU DONT NEED THAT
KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE. SO LEARN FROM
THIS AND MOVE ON.