Child Support?

Question

If a woman has the ultimate say on whether she will be having a baby and she chooses to have the baby even if the man doesn't want it, should or shouldn't a man be able to chose whether he supports the child or not? Why or why not?

I understand the "You break it, you bought it" philosophy, but if she is the one who breaks it, she should be the one liable for it, right? If she is the one ultamately responsible for getting pregnant, shouldn't she have been the one to ultamatly be protecting herself? Especially looking at the numerous alternatives a woman has versus the man when it comes to birth control. If both go into this agreeing that they don't want a child, and she gets pregnant, wouldn't it be holding the man responsible for a small portion of what the woman is mostly and ultimately responsible for?

Not having sex is an inadaquate answer in my mind. People are going to do it. It's a given. Also, not wearing a condom is idiotic and the man should deserve what he gets (even though I may question a little bit of that as well), so this question is based off of a man who does everything to protect himself.

Answer 1

You've brought up some good points. Many women disagree with me and I've had many heated conversations with single moms who spend a lifetime trying to force and manipulate some immature, irresponsible, idiotic man to parent his own child. Why I don't know, in most cases it's a tremendous waste of energy.

I do think a man should be able to sign off parental rights to a child. Having a guy around who doesn't want to be a father and is resentful and a constant disappointment - well I think kids deserve better than that.

Women have the chance to give up a child for adoption, sign away their rights and they can easily do it without the man's consent by just saying they don't know who the father is. Doesn't seem fair, so yes, I think men should have the same chance. But they should never, ever, ever get their rights back. No changing their mind later, they missed out.

I think it's a bad example to the child to force a man to become a father. Doom them to a childhood filled with constant disappointment, he doesn't send the check, he's always late, he doesn't call, he remarries and treats his new kids better, he moves far away, constant court dates, screaming on the phone to harass him for money - what kind of life is that and moreover what does that teach the child? That the only way you can get people to do what you want is to sue them, intimidate, manipulate or threaten them? No thank you, I'd rather have someone around who was genuinely interested in them and wanted to be with them. No father is better than a bad father.

Answer 2

There is one thing missing from all of these answers. Everyone wants to say that it is the males fault, however, there were two people there and neither one of them are any more to blame than the other. The male could have worn a condom, well she could have use VCF or sponge, or birth control or any number of combinations for birth control. There are some women out there that want to have a child and I don't think it really matters. The male does not have a say in whether she keeps the child or not. If a female get pregant and doesn't want it, there is nothing the man can do to stop her (there is the whole court order thing, but do you really think that you would get one in time if at all). Men that do not want to be a part of the childs life has the right. Now the mother pushing for child support is another thing. There is not much that you can do about it. There is a chance that you could give up your rights and get the right Judge that would not still issue child support.
It might not be fair, however, it is our system. You can try to convince a judge of your case, but historically they side with the woman.

Answer 3

i'm going to get blasted for this but...
i think that if a man and woman have sex AND they use birth control to prevent pregnancy and the female does end up pregnant that it should be a choice. A woman gets choices why can't a man. This is why men and women should wait until they are in a relationship commited enough to talk about preventions and what if those preventions failed.
If the man tells the woman he does not want to have any part in the raising of this child i feel the woman should have to support the child . I think men pay wayyyyyyyyy to much in support. i think the system is unfair to men but i don't see it changing any time soon. Anytime you have sex you run the risk of procreating so the best alternative to child support should be no sex. you should know where the person you are about to share this intimate act stands on abortion and what she would do if che got pregnant. If you don't know those things you SHOULD NOT be sleeping with her.

Answer 4

One person said that they believe that a man pays way too much for support, HAHA! I was married, and we had six children, and he left, he never sees the children, and I was a stay at home mom, so I had NO INCOME and what was I granted for child support? $250 a month, and that is too much for him to pay? BULL!! We both agreed upon having children! I am now in college to get a degree (at 33) to get a good job to support my children. So the situation does not always involve those who were not in a relationship that they committed to. By the way, I have received $500 in the last year. Is this fair? I did not ask him to leave, I did not have a choice, so why does everyone keep griping about what choices men have, or do not have, which ever applies.

Answer 5

I don't know the right answer to that. Men get screwed every day by ex-wives or girlfriends when it comes to child support. Sometimes men have to pay support for a child they never wanted with a woman they never wanted to be with longterm. Sometimes men have to pay support for a child the mother won't even let them see. I guess the best thing that a man can do to avoid this situation is get a vasectomy (condoms aren't fool proof) or only sleep with the women he wants to marry and have kids with. Sorry.

Answer 6

Obviously if the man didn't want to support a child then that man shouldn't have been having sex. It's the consequence at risk. Men have a responsibility to pay for the children their lasciviousness creates.

Abortion isn't an eraser of responsibility.

If you think it's unfair then keep it in your pants

Answer 7

Hello... Its not just a women's choice to have a baby.. Men also have a choice too.. Its called.. Wear a condom or do not have sex.. Men as well as women have the same rights to protect themselves against having babies.. If you didn't want to have to pay child support on a child you did not want then you should not have have unprotected sex.

Answer 8

It all depends if she puts his name on the birth certificate or not if he is responsible for this child. But morally if you helped create the baby, be it by mistake, drunken binge, revenge on him, whatever the reason, you should take responsiblity for your child, because one day that child will grow up and ask about their father, and this baby will grow up to show up on your doorstep and have some of the most critical questions to ask.

Answer 9

No, you should used a condom if you didn't want a child. So you deserve to pay child support for doing a stupid thing like having unprotected sex.

Answer 10

You want a choice? Choose to not have sex. Once a woman becomes pregnant, the decision has been made for both parties! If he was willing to do the crime, he's gotta be willing to do the time.