How do I tell a friend that his kid is a brat?

Question

Also that his kid is the reason I don't want to come over?

Here is the situation. His child is three, I believe, and they don't believe in spanking. So spanking is out of the question. My wife and I go over to their house to watch football games. Well, while the FB game is going on this kid will scream at the top of his lungs to get attention, jump on the couch, jump on me, stand in front of the tv, play musical instruments, and dance just to get attention. Parents once in a LONG while will say something, or send him to his room.
However if they're in another room you can forget about him listening to you.
In one instance he jumped on me. I told him, "please don't do that, I don't like it". He looked me dead in the eye and jumped on me again. So I told him sternly, "Garrett, what did I tell you? Don't do it!". His father tells me, "say it nicely, he's sensitive". Now this kid can cry on command, he could prob. win a oscar.
How do tell the dad about the situation w/out offending?

It's not that I don't like or appreciate kids. I actually would really like to have kids in a few years. I believe that kids should respect elders.
I don't think other adults should "discipline" other adults kids while the parents are there. I believe if the parent is there it is their responsibility.
I think if you believe your kid is SO sensitive that another adult can't talk to him sternly, you as the parent should be trying your best to tell the child yourself. You also shouldn't EXPECT people to just deal with it, and move on.
My question is how do I approach him on my not wanting to come over because of his kid with out walking on glass?
I don't mean literally telling him his kid is a brat.

Answer 1

Wow. I have a three year old. No way would she get away with that. As for him jumping on you when the father said that to you. Then you should simply say, Then you handle it, But I expect you to honor my wishes and have your child not jump on me I do not like it. I asked nicely the first time and he did not listen, so please make him stop. If he refuses to listen then pack up and leave. They will get the hint.
Obviously the parents are not going to get it. The child does it in front of them and as you said they do not do anything most of the time. So you can say hey we came to watch the game do you think you could get Garrett to move from the front of the TV. Call there attention to it. If they still do nothing. Pack up and leave and tell them you would like to see the game so your going to head on home to watch it.

Answer 2

Wow, sounds like the parents don't know how to take care of their child. First, maybe they do need to pay more attention to the child. That's why he's craving so much attention. Second, I don't like the father told you to say it nicely, that he's sensitive.... how in the world do they get their child to listen? You didn't yell at the top of your lungs, you just told him basically he needs to listen, and be good.

You can't be the parent in this situation, but you can tell the Dad that he needs to get better control of his son because you don't want him jumping all over you period. You could go into suggestions, but then again, I'd hate for that to ruin your friendship-even though it shouldn't... it just sounds like terrible parenting- especially since the child doesn't listen, and cries at the drop of a hat.

My son is 14 months, and he listens VERY well to the word No. I also give him tons of attention throughout the day- he plays on his own quite a bit, but I make sure to roll around on the floor with him a few times a day. Even 3 yrs old, I think at that age, they do still need a lot of attention, not as much as what my son would, but if they don't have a sibling to play with, they need someone.

Goodluck, not really sure what else you can do really without offending your friend- he just doesn't sound like the type that would take something you said into consideration, but then again, he told you what to do... so why not throw in a few suggestions yourself?

Answer 3

That *IS* very tough. My husband and I have three kids, and friends of our have 2. Those kids are brats. There is NO dicipline going on there. So I feel ya. We used to go over there for dinner once a week, but their oldest is such a brat! And they do NOTHING about it! We don't go over there anymore. We don't do ANYTHING to keep in touch. My kids have commented on how mean those other kids are, and I've told my kids that I do not want (my kids) following that behavior.

ANyway, to get to the answer, I don't know what to tell you. Obvioulsy, in my situation, we haven't said anything--we just avoid them. I know that may not be what you want to do. If you don't have kids, I imagine ANYTHING you say will send your friend into a defensive frenzy saying "You have no idea! Wait till YOU have kids!" And that is certainly not the case. You'll probably be a better father BECUASE of this situation.

I guess the best advice I can give you is to be careful; your friend sounds like he'll defend his child and get defensive. (i.e., say it nicely, he's sensitive.) That's crap. Who's the adult? Who's in control? *Roll myeyes*

Answer 4

I totally understand what you're going through. My husband and I had friends a while back who had two little spoiled miscreants for children. They were pushy, whiney, loud, demanding, always wanting your attention, screaming over the adults, constantly interrupting adult conversations and their parents did nothing to discipline these kids. It was a major predicament, and I was not about to tell these people how to parent or alert them to the annoying qualities of their spoiled children-- because you just can't say these things to parents, it's not your place. We basically did a cut n' run...as bad as that sounds, we haven't seen or spoken to these people in years. Hate to say it, but we're far happier for it.

Now in terms of neices and nephews, that's a whole other ball o' wax. I have siblings who don't believe in disciplining, and their children have grown from sweet little babies to nasty little beasts (my neice even spat on my mom, because my mom said "no"-- a word my neice doesn't understand). I preoccupy myself with fake 'busy' work when they're around so they won't bother me with their loud noise, disrespectful and bratty behavior. My threshold for brats is practically non-existent (even if it's family), thus, ignoring them is a far better response than telling them to siddown, calm down and shut their $#@! pieholes.

I don't think you should tell the father of this bratty kid anything. Way back in the day it was fine for adults to tell each other "hey your kid's a total brat", but today with the overabundance of coddling, spoiling and undisciplining...it's a recipe for disaster to voice criticism (even if it's constructive) when it comes to someone's parenting skills or the behavior of their children.

Why don't you invite them over to your house to watch football games and tell them it's an ADULT get together, no kids allowed. I have a few friends who do this because they all have young kids and as we all know, watching the Cowboys game with ten kids running around s*cks!!!!! Or as mentioned above, why not meet at a sports bar to watch the games instead. Chances are your friends will find a sitter for their little tyrant, leaving you and the rest of the adults in relative peace.

HTH!!!

Answer 5

Just stop going to their house. If they ask why, say you can't watch the games there anyway because Garrett is "difficult." That poor kid is headed for big problems down the road if he doesn't get some effective parental discipline now. Your friend and his wife aren't doing their job worth a hoot.

Answer 6

i know what you mean

i would not darken a family's door a second time where they did not support you in such things

and as to your first paragraph - just tell them straight out

and if that child is allowed to terrorize you whilst the parents are out of the room then you can administer a spanking yourself - it will be your word against the child's (no witnesses and don't leave a mark) and that child will never do that again

it does sound like the child is crying out to have some boundaries set - and needs them in order to get on in life

what kind of friends would treat their own child's needs like that anyway? and while you appear to tolerate it then your friends have no incentive to change

Answer 7

I went through this with one of my friends a few years back and I made great strides to invite them to my home (as an alternative). I had strict rules and if the said child was out of control, I would request to see my friend without the child the next time. If, you and your wife genuinely want to continue seeing this couple, I would suggest going out with them to a sports bar to watch games and leave gatherings with the children extended only to BBQs and social parties. And, if they don't get the hint, you will just have to be frank and say that their son's behavior is irritating and unacceptable.

Answer 8

It is not the child's fault, it is the fault of the parents for not giving their child any attention. It is not your place to discipline the parents. My opinion the parents need a parenting class. If it bothers you to go over there, then you should not go over at all since it aggravates you. If you both want to watch the game, go to the local bar where there are no children there or go to your place.

Answer 9

This is a tough situation... and I've been in it myself. I found out that you can't tell others how to be a parent.
We know that with out discipline our children fail to learn that they are not in charge of their lives. There is the inevitable power struggle that has to happen. Your friend is going to have more heart ache from this child when it gets older than he can imagine.
How about this, If you value this friendship then write a letter about your thoughts and feeling as to his lack of discipline and mail it to your self and then put it away until the day that he comes to you for help. Then give it to him. If his child tuns out okay then you just throw it away.

Answer 10

Sounds to me like the parents need to pay more attention to their child rather than a football game.

Don't blame the kid because he has stupid parents. Suggest to them about taking some parenting classes. Because apparently they need it.